


Howl

by Smollprince



Series: Marauders' Hogwarts era [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Lily Evans Potter, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Remus Lupin, I love Lily so much okay?, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-08-13 08:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7969660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smollprince/pseuds/Smollprince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Going into his first year, instead of being excited about his lessons, and wondering which house he'd be placed in, Remus was scared of making friends, scared of being himself, of hurting someone. Scared of someone finding out his secret; that he's a monster<br/>This is a Marauders, Era Remus centric fic, it is going to take place from First Year, through Seventh, and possibly the first war. ((This fic is going to be mainly a Wolfstar fic in the later chapters, -with some Jily, too- so if that isn't your thing, stay away.))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Howl

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, I own nothing, the story and characters belong to J.K Rowling, and the title, and the lyrics at the beginning belong to Florence and the Machine. 
> 
> So, ideas for this fic have been bouncing around in my head for nearly a year. I have only just gotten the courage to take the step to writing this fic last week. It'll be multi-chaptered, I just don't know how to make it say more than one chapter? ((Help?)) I hope you enjoy it!!

  _Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers_  
_Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters_  
_A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night_  
_May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright_

Remus hurries along behind his parents trying to keep up. He was worried they would be late, even after his parent’s constant reassurances that they would be on time, that they wouldn’t be late. He couldn’t help it! He could barely believe that he would be allowed to attend Hogwarts! He, a werewolf, in a school filled with many other children, many other children who he could potentially turn… But Dumbledore assured him they had taken appropriate measures to make sure that everyone would be safe.

“Hurry Remus!” His mother called as he started to fall behind, being pushed, and knocked and jostled around in the busy trains station. His mother grabs his hand, and they hurry to catch up with his father, who pushes his trolley, filled with his trunk. “Are you excited?” She asks, tone gentle and sweet, but there’s also a hint of excitement in her own voice; this would be her first time seeing platform nine and three courters, too. Since she’s a muggle, she only herd about Hogwarts from stories his father told them. She was as excited and happy as he was when he got his letter, and when they went and got his schoolbooks and his wand, taking in all the sites, and the stores, face as awed and amazed as a child in a sweets shop being told they could have anything they wanted. She was a very beautiful woman, with light brown hair, the same as his, though hers has streaks of grey; and blue eyes, and an ever present smile.

He nods, excited, yes, but also very nervous, too afraid to open his mouth, lest he loses his breakfast. He is worried he won’t make friends with anyone, and also worried he would make friends. How would he cover up his condition for seven years?

His father’s calm voice comes, directly in front of them. His father has raven hair, with grey in it, too, and golden brown eyes, Remus has his eyes. His smiling face lined with stress, aging even though he is still very young. Remus feels guilty for worrying them so much with his condition. “Don’t worry, everyone gets a little nervous. Just be yourself, and you won’t have any trouble.”

Be himself? Easy for them to say. Remus just smiles, and nods.

They come to a wall between platforms nine and ten, and his parents smile down at him. “Just take a running start, and you’ll be fine.” His father tells him, smoothing his hair back from his forehead, and smiling down at him.

Remus nods, face set and determined. He grips his trolley tighter and takes a few steps back, then starts running towards the wall, closing his eyes right before he gets to the wall, and then opens them to see a scarlet steam engine, billowing smoke out of the top, and children all around him, saying goodbye to their parents, promising to write, before boarding the train. He turns as his parents come through the wall, his mother’s eyes are filled with a sort of awe, as she takes everything in, grinning widely.

“Do you have everything you need?” His mother asks, kneeling in front of him.

“Yeah,” He says, breathless with excitement.

“If not, we’ll send it through owl.” His father promises him, a smile of his own.

The train’s horn sounds, letting everyone know they need to board. “Well…” His mother says, getting tearful, which he knew was coming, but he still feels awkward. “You better get going.”

“He won’t be gone forever, Hope, and he’ll be back for Christmas break, won’t you, son?”

“Of course,” He says, voice hoarse from disuse. His mother smiles, and he rushes over and hugs her, and his father. He’s going to miss them, and home, no matter how excited he is.

His mother smiles, and kisses his forehead. “Go on, now. Get going. You’ll miss the train.”

He nods, “Bye! I’ll see you at Christmas!” his childish voice cries, wobbly with emotion. He swallows, and follows the line of stragglers, and heaves his trunk on board the train. That’s one thing about being a werewolf he doesn’t exactly mind, the extra strength, even if there isn’t really anything inside, other than his books. He doesn’t have much, and what he does have is second hand.

The inside of the train is, if possible, noisier than the train station, with fellow students rushing to-and-fro through the corridors, some rushing to meet friends to tell them about their holidays, other first years, like himself, were trying to find a compartment, empty, or not. Remus passes one that has four boys, one with black hair that was everywhere, and had glasses that were slightly crooked, another, also with black hair, but his was tamed, and he had a sort of air about him, like he was more important than everyone else, and the last who had tawny hair, and watery blue eyes and was rather round and lumpy. There was a girl there, also, who was looking out the window, forlornly, and looked like she had been crying. She was having a conversation with a fourth boy, who had sallow skin and greasy, long black hair. Remus stood for a second, watching. No one in the compartment seemed all that happy, which, to Remus, seemed absurd, seeing as soon they would be going to Hogwarts! Why would they be displeased?

Quickly, before any of them realized he had been staring, he walked to the end of the corridor, where there was a compartment that was empty, at the end of the train. Remus sighs, and hauls his trunk into it, and sits at the end on the seat, facing the wall, his trunk above his head. He quickly changes into his school robes, pulling the nearly threadbare robe onto to his body, and pulling out a book, History of Magic, the first year’s addition, and trying to get into it, but his mind wanders, as it is so apt to do.

This wasn’t all that bad. Remus was used to being alone. He was homeschooled, never having reached school since he was bit when he was nearly four, then his parents decided it wasn’t safe for him to go to school with all the other children, and it was hard enough having to lie about his scars when he leaves the house. They usually just say he was attacked by a big dog when he was younger.

He supposes this is the way it should be, sitting here alone. He knows he won’t make friends, even though his mother hopes he will, he knows it is way too dangerous. Maybe the sorting hat won’t even be able to place him anywhere, and he will be sent home.

A little after one the trolley lady pokes her head in. “Want anything thing from the trolley, dear?” She asks in a kind voice. He doesn’t have any money for some, so he just shakes his head, even though his stomach rumbles loudly. “Are you sure?” He nods. And she nods back, looking at him once more, and leaving.

The sky outside gets darker as they near the school, evening approaching, and Remus finds himself exhausted, even from this small trip, as the full moon comes closer. His head hurts, so he just closes his eyes, and drifts asleep.

His dreams aren’t very nice, they haven’t been for a few years, now. They’re filled with blood and screaming and his wolf, and the deafening cries of his victims.

He snaps awake as someone knocks on his compartment. One of the boys from earlier, the one with grey eyes and silky curls raps his fingers on the door. “We’re here, my friends and I weren’t sure you would wake up. You alright, mate?” He asks, brow furrowed at what Remus knows are his scars.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.” Remus rasps, rubbing his tired, burning eyes. He makes to reach for his trunk.

“Oh, you don’t have to bring that, someone else will.” The boy says, holding the door open for Remus, and its then that Remus notices the other two boys standing a little away from them.

Remus nods his thanks, and follows them out, going slower on purpose, hoping to lose them. He’s successful, as many other student’s poor out of their own compartments, and push him further and further back.

Remus steps outside into the crisp, cool night air, that soothes his fevered skin, and hears a booming voice. “Firs’ years! Firs’ years! O’er here!” shouted a huge man, with bushy hair and beard. Remus stood up straighter, and made his way over to the giant man, along with his fellow first years.

The man – Hagrid, Remus hears several people shout greetings to him- leads them over to a bunch of boats, and they all started climbing in. Remus hesitated, seeing as there weren’t any free boats around him, until he saw the three boys from earlier, and climbed into their boat as carefully as he can, trying not to rock it too much. They smile at him, actually seeming happy he was there, though Remus notices when their eyes stay on his scars just a moment too long.

Remus remained quietly entranced with his surroundings, as the other three boys talked animatedly about what they couldn’t wait for when they reach the castle. He can see them trying to include him, but he just stares on ahead, trying not to dissolve into a puddle of nerves.

  
The sun had fully set by the time they reach solid ground once more. Remus couldn’t stop himself from looking at the moon, which was nearly full; he could feel it’s progress in his joints and his bones, making him feel every step he takes. He hides his pain well, being used to it by now, and the best ways to hide his suffering. Being cursed for six years does that to one.

The energetic, nervous energy, and loud chatter of the children around him was giving him a headache. He was quite hungry now, too, and kind of wanted to just go to bed…

They were ushered inside the castle, it was huge! And so enchanting, Remus wasn’t the only one looking around in wonder. The high columns, and wide arches, and the large staircases that Remus couldn’t wait to find out where they lead to.

The talking was silenced when a stern looking woman with a tight bun and glasses entered.

“Here are the firs’ years, Minerva.” Hagrid says, standing close to the door.

“Thank you, Hagrid.” She says, smiling slightly at him. “Welcome to Hogwarts. I am Professor McGonagall. The start of term feast will begin soon, but before it does, you will be sorted into your houses.” She paused as excited chatter arose once more, before she cleared her throat, and silence fell once more. “Those four houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has a noble history, and while you are here, you will earn points for your house. You can earn points for good behavior, but you will also lose points for rule breaking. At the end of the year, the house with the most points will win the House Cup, a great honor.

“The sorting ceremony will begin in a few moments. Follow me, and form a line.” She says, and they proceed into the great hall, suddenly, the air around them turns tense, and nervous, as everyone is panicked, awaiting their fate.

“I just hope I’m not in Slytherin, with Snivelous.” One of the boys from early breathes to the other, prompting a quiet snicker.

They stop a few feet from the teacher’s table, where a small stool is placed with a ratty old hat sitting on top. The brim opens up, and begins to sing a song about the four houses, though Remus is too nervous and exhausted to catch any of what it is saying, and soon it stops, and everyone claps for it, and Professor McGonagall unrolls a piece of parchment and begins to read off names, and children clamber up to be sorted.

After a few students are sorted, all to either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, one of the boys from earlier is called. “Black, Sirius!” Remus knows who he is, and is ready to watch him be sorted into Slytherin like everyone in his family before him. The boy walks with a sort of haughty look on his face, despite that Remus can see how pale and shaky he is. The hat is placed on his dark curls, which are starting to get unruly, as if he deliberately missed several haircuts. He sits for a few minutes, a look on his face that seems like he doesn’t care where the hat sorts him, before he goes ramrod straight, and looks scared, then he seems to be having an inner fight against the hat. It stays like that for a minute or two, before the hat shouts “GRYFFINDOR!” And Sirius Black hops off the stool, and walks over to the shouting table, and sits down. Remus glances over to the Slytherin table, all of the students are shooting him daggers, well, all but one girl who looks to be in either sixth or seventh year, with hair much like Sirius’s own.

After a few minutes McGonagall calls “Evans, Lily.” And the red haired girl from earlier walks up, white-faced and trembling, much how he feels. It sits on her head for a few seconds before calling out “GRYFFINDOR!” And there is a loud applause from the Gryffindor table.

After a boy named Frank Longbottom gets sorted into Gryffindor, Remus’s own name is called, “Lupin, Remus!” he feels like a rock settles in his stomach, and like his heart is trying to break free from him chest. He walks toward the stool with shaking legs, and sits, as McGonagall places the tatty old hat on his head.  
A voice sounds in his head, and he can’t help but jump a little in the chair. “Oh, a werewolf? I haven’t had one of before! You have quiet the brain on you, yes, yes, if I place you in Ravenclaw they could help you harness it, but also a lot of courage, bravery and loyalty just waiting to break out. Where to put you?” Remus can’t help but panic, Ravenclaw is so smart, they’re bound to find out his secret. Not Ravenclaw! He thinks furiously. “Not Ravenclaw? Are you sure?” Remus nods his head rapidly. “Alright, if you’re, then it must be-

“GRYFFINDOR!” The hat shouts, and the Gryffindor table erupts in loud cheers, and he takes the hat off, and scampers over to the table, being clapped on the back by some of the closer students. He winces, and sits on part of the bench that Sirius Black was sitting on.

“You doing okay?” Sirius asks, seeming much calmer than he had on the stool, though there is a hint of concern in his deep, grey eyes.

“Yeah, just tired.” Remus answers, accepting the offered hand, shaking it, even though he thinks it odd that an eleven-year-old would shake hands on meeting someone.

Sirius turns his attention back to the sorting as the chunky boy, “Pettigrew, Peter!” Is also sorted into Gryffindor, then his friend from earlier, “Potter, James!” Gets sorted into Gryffindor almost as soon as the hat is set on his head.

Remus cheers with them as James walks over to them, well, more like struts, and plops himself down next to Sirius.

“Well done, mate! I wouldn’t know what I’d have done if you were sorted into Slytherin.” James says to Sirius, who flinches minutely, but plays it off as a cough, and laughs along with his friend.

Soon the sorting is over, as Snape is sorted into Slytherin, not that Remus ever had a doubt that he wouldn’t have, and a few other students go to Gryffindor, then Dumbledore stood, and cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention, and silence fell.

“Welcome to our new students, and welcome back to our older ones. I hope your holidays were satisfactory, and you are ready to fill your minds will knowledge once more.

“Before we start in on our delicious feast, I would like to welcome our newest addition to our teaching staff, Professor Daniel Fletcher, he will be filling in our open position as Defense Against the Dark Arts. I would like to also alert you to the on growing list of banned objects, the paper is on our care taker, Mr. Filche’s office if you are interested, and to tell all of our newest students that the Forbidden Forest on the outskirts of Hogwarts is, in fact, forbidden. Also, we have acquired a very special plant this year, as those of you who are returning to Hogwarts may have noticed. It is called a Whomping Willow, and it is a very dangerous tree, so please stay away from it, as none of us here wish for you to gain any injuries.” Several students turn their attention outside, to the docile tree. Remus already knew about it, and its true purpose, to keep him in, and everyone else out when he transforms.

“That is all, let the feasting commence!” Dumbledore says, and, with a wave of his hand, the tables filled with so much food it groaned underneath the strain of it.

Remus looked at it, shocked, even if he had lived with magic his whole life. Everything was so good, even if Remus couldn’t stomach more than a small plate of shepherd’s pie. Soon the feast was over, and he was being lead to their common room. Remus knows he’s going to have trouble finding the Great Hall in the morning, seeing as he’s basically asleep on his feet, and his exhaustion only grows when they get to the cozy common room, where there are several overstuffed chairs in front of a roaring fire, and the general sense of comfort.  
  
The two prefects split up the first years, Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, Mary Macdonald, and a girl named Alice, who's last name seems to have slipped Remus's mind, they go with the female prefect, while the boys go with the male.

“This way, first years.” Said an older, fifth year boy, leading the first year boys, Sirius, James, Peter, Frank Longbottom and one more, and Remus himself up a flight of stairs, and showing Frank and the other boy their room first, before showing the other four their room. Remus can’t help but wish that he got to share with the other two, as the three he is sharing with seem to be extremely loud.

Remus hurries through his trunk, looking for his pajamas and toothbrush, then rushes into the bathroom in their room while the other three are too busy going over their excitement about their placement.

Remus sighs, looking at his pale, scarred body in the mirror. He is so thin he could practically count his ribs, and his hip bones jut out in a way he thinks is hideous; his mother always told him he would grow into his body, but until then he hide under layers of sweaters.

He doesn’t know why the hat placed him in Gryffindor, he doesn’t know what it meant about courage, seeing as he’s afraid of the dark, afraid of loud noises, and the moon, and people…

He slowly, so slowly, dresses into his pajamas, being careful of his pained joints, and his just healing scars from the previous moon. He brushes his teeth, and goes back into the room, trying to ignore the laughter, and the jealous tug of his heart. He will ignore them. He will ignore them. He will ignore them! He crawls into his bed, and pulls the curtains tightly closed on the side closest to them, before lying down, and closing his eyes.

  
It feels like only a few minutes since Remus shuts his eyes, when a too bright beam of light hits through the window. He groans softly, being used to waking up early, he gets up before the other three. The sun has only just risen, and he thinks he can get a shower before they wake up if he’s quick. He doesn’t want to have to deal with questions. Not this early.

He grabs his uniform, and quietly pads over to the bathroom, locking the door, and turning the water on as hot as he could bare, and stepping in. The scalding water burns his skin, but also soothes his tense muscles, and he quickly washes himself, before stepping out, and toweling dry, and pulling on his school uniform.

By the time he gets out, the other three are awake, and starting to get ready. He grabs his school bag, and hurries out of the door, and down to the common room; its full of his fellow Gryffindor’s, and he quickly, with his head down, hurries out through the portrait hole.

He finds a seat in the Great Hall, and sits, eating a hasty breakfast, wanting to get to the classrooms early. A seventh year boy hands him a schedule, before moving on to the next student. Remus looks down; he has Transfiguration first, then Charms, then History of Magic, and then Defense Against the Dark Arts. He was glad that he didn’t have potions until Friday, seeing as the full moon was on Wednesday. He didn’t think he could take the pungent odors of potions so close to the full moon. He’d probably get sick all over his caldron.

He leaves when Professor McGonagall does, and tries to inconspicuously follow her, though, he suspects she knows, though she doesn’t say anything. He sits outside her classroom, leaning against the wall while he waits for class to begin. He doesn’t mind that class doesn’t begin for another half an hour, he just pulls out his Transfiguration book, and begins to read it all over again. He enjoyed it so much he read the whole thing before school started.

His head snaps up as he hears the door open. “Would you like to come in?” Professor McGonagall asks, leans in the doorway. He just stares with wide eyes. “Well? There isn’t much reason for you to sit outside my classroom, Mr. Lupin, come inside.”

He stands quickly. “Thank you, Professor.” He says, breathlessly.

“Nonsense, I am glad you seem so ready to learn.” She says, sitting down at her desk again.

He takes a seat near the middle of the room, and places his book down on the desktop, his wand right next to it, and begins reading again, as Professor McGonagall gets everything she needs for the lesson ready.

“Would you like to help me, Mr. Lupin?” She asks him. He looks up from his book, and nods. “Will you set a box of matches on each desk for me?”

He walks over to her desk, and accepts the boxes of matches, and begins the redundant task of placing them on each desk. When he’s finished he goes back to his own desk, but doesn’t pick his book back up, he watches Professor McGonagall at her desk as she goes over a few papers.

Soon, sooner than Remus would have liked, students from Gryffindor and Slytherin file into the room, taking their respected seats.

“You were up early this morning. Do you usually get up at the crack of dawn?” James Potter jokes, making Remus blush and try to stammer out a response. “Hey, it was only a joke. No need to strain yourself.” He says, smirking. Remus feels himself blush a deeper shade, embarrassed at his inability to socialize.

Professor McGonagall called for quiet, and began her lesson. “Transfiguration is a very tricky bit of magic, and I won’t tolerate any nonsense. Anyone who messes around here will not return.” She says, then turned around, and transformed her desk into a pig, then back again.

Everyone started talking at once, wanting to know how she managed to do that, and wanting to do it themselves.

“Obviously we won’t begin with something so difficult so early.” She says, matter-of-factly, and has them start taking notes on Transfiguration, then she lets them try their hand at Transfiguring the matches into needles.

Remus frowns when it doesn’t work, and says the spell again, and again before some change happens, the match turns a sort of silvery color, and becomes pointier, but it is still obviously wooden.

By the end of the lesson, he and another student, Lily Evans, have managed it, though he barely feels any pride as his head begins to ache. They head to their next lesson in a group, since it seems that Slytherin shares Charms with Gryffindor, too.

Professor Flitwick is a very short man, and has to stand on top of a stack of books to be able to see over his desk, and gave an introduction much the same as Professor McGonagall, and had them take notes through the whole lesson. Remus liked this, seeing as he was used to taking notes, and it gave his head a rest.

The Gryffindor’s had History of Magic with Ravenclaw, and Remus was much relieved since he spent nearly two and a half hours watching Severus Snape stare at Lily Evans.

History of Magic was very boring, and Remus found himself dozing, though he wasn’t the only one, almost everyone, even the Ravenclaws, seemed bored. Lily Evans was the only one who seemed attentive.

They take a break for lunch around one in the afternoon, then they head for the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

“Defense Against the Dark Arts is a serious subject,” Their teacher, Professor Fletcher states, sitting on his desk. He is a very handsome man, with blue eyes, and golden hair. Though he has many scars on his fair face. That makes Remus feel a little better. “I don’t want to hear any of you using any hexes you learn about here on fellow students. I won’t tolerate it, and Professor Dumbledore surely won’t. Am I clear?” He asks. Everyone nods. “Good.” He says, and begins to tell them a little history on the Dark Arts.

By the end of the school day, having done Herbology after DADA, they had so much homework to do, Remus sat himself on one of the overstuffed chairs, and began to write a paper for History of Magic, about Goblins.

Sitting next to him are his roommates, discussing ways they wish to hex Snape. “I suppose it would be redundant to make his nose grow bigger, wouldn’t it?” James Potter says, lounging on the couch.

“Yeah, I suppose if we tried no one would even notice, am I right?” Sirius Black asks, with a laugh.

Suddenly there is a flash of bright red hair. “Would you leave Severus alone?” growls Lily Evans. “What has he ever done to you?”

“I don’t know. His entire being kind of disgusts me, actually. Do you think we could do that bubble Charm Professor Flitwick talked about? I don’t suppose he’s ever actually seen a bar of soap in his life.” Jokes James Potter, making the other two cackle, but Lily glares.

“You’re all so immature.” She says, storming off.

“I don’t see what her problem is.” Grumbles James.

Remus turns back to his paper, grimacing, as his head stabs with more pain. It’s only two days until the full moon, and he already worked out his excuse for disappearing; he is to tell everyone who asks that his mother is very ill, and that he has to go see her.

He works for a few more hours, but decides against dinner, when the very thought of it makes him gag. He goes up to the dormitory, and climbs into bed, and writing to his parents, deciding he doesn’t care that it’s the first day of school, he wants to tell them how he got into Gryffindor, like his father, and how lessons are going.

He seals the letter, and decides he’ll take it to the dormitory in the morning, since he can barely keep his eyes open. He falls asleep before he can even change into his pajamas.


	2. Its About Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing!!!! the characters and universe belong to J.K Rowling, and the chapter title and lyrics at the beginning belong to the band Barcelona!!
> 
> Heyyy!! Another chapter!!! I hope you guys enjoy it!!!

_One more day down these stairs_  
  _His room is cold now and it hurts like hell_

 _He holds tight, he stares_  
  _It's almost over and it's running through his head_  
  _They don't know me,_  
  _They don't know more than I show_

Tuesday was much the same as Monday, He had DADA, Herbology, History of Magic, and Transfiguration. And even more homework. By Wednesday, Remus was in so much pain he even thought about skipping class; Professor McGonagall offered to give him a pass, she even brought madam Pomfrey to see him after breakfast when she saw how dark the bags under his eyes were, and the stark contrast of his pale skin. But he brushed it off, this was Hogwarts! He would deal with a Full Moon every night, if it meant he could still learn! He didn’t want any special treatment, he wants to be treated like a normal boy, even if the voice in his head keeps reminding him how that couldn’t be any further from the truth. Him? A normal boy? That was laughable!

So, he carried on like nothing was the matter, hid his pain under smiles and eagerness to learn, to not be left behind, and ignored anyone’s questions, or worried looks, and kept his head down.

He heaves his heavy bag back on to his shoulder again, even as his muscles scream, and his skin burns, like it’s trying to burn off, and makes for the Green house for Herbology.

The weather outside was pleasant in the late morning, the slightly cool air was pleasant against his skin, the soft breeze playing with his hair, and they had it with Hufflepuff, so there wasn’t any bad blood between any students.

“Now!” Professor Sprout says, clapping her dirt covered hands together. “Who can tell me what this plant is?” She says, motioning to a clump of fungi.

A small Hufflepuff student answers, getting awarded five points, and then they move on to taking notes on the magical, and healing properties of said plant.

Remus liked Herbology, he decided. It was easy, and the earthy scent of the green house was soothing to his aching head. They spent the rest of the class outside, looking for the fungi, because Madam Pomfrey was low, and it would be a great way for them to identify it.

By the time the lesson ended, Remus was exhausted, but a good exhaustion, and was hesitant to start back for the castle, because, even though they had a break, Transfiguration was next, and that was their hardest subject, by far. It always took a lot out of him, even when the lesson was short.

Remus spent his break doing the homework for Astronomy. He was given the homework early, since he would miss the class tonight. It wasn’t hard since it was their first class; they were just to name the constellations.

The walk to the Transfiguration class was quiet, as Remus was early. He quite liked going early, and Professor McGonagall never minded, she either let him in, or let him sit outside the classroom when he wanted quiet.

“Ah, Mr. Lupin.” She said, seeing him outside her classroom. He was earlier than he had been yesterday, only by a few minutes, but still. She let him in, and he took his usual seat, near the front.

He didn’t have much to do in the class at the moment, as he and Lily Evans had perfected the spell for Transfiguring a match into a needle, so they spent the class working on the entire matchbox.

As Remus helped Professor McGonagall place the matchboxes on the desks she tells him. "You should try and make some friends, Mr. Lupin. I don't know much about Lycanthropy, but I do know that no one should be alone." When Remus doesn't say anything, she asks “Are you nervous about tonight?”

“Not really, no.” He answers truthfully.

“You aren’t?” She couldn’t quite mask her confusion.

“No, Professor… I haven’t been for a long time, unless I can feel that it will be a particularly bad transformation.”

“Is tonight going to be bad?”

He hesitates. “Yes…”

“You are a very brave young man, Remus.” She says, softly, using his first name.

“Not really… But thank you all the same, Professor McGonagall.” Remus says, smiling at her.

The class took a lot out of him, Sirius, James and Peter kept whispering questions at him under their breath, when McGonagall has her back turned, helping various students.

“How do you do it?” James pesters for the fourth time in five minutes.

“Aha!” Sirius exclaims, having turned his silver match into an actual needle.

“Very good, Mr. Black, but less talking, gentlemen.” She says, a knowing look sent their way.

James turns his attention to Sirius, pleading for him to do his. Remus chuckles under his breath. His roommates are amusing.

James gets the hang of it, and turns three matches, as Lily and Remus finish their box. He’s boasting on their way to lunch about how “Snivellus” didn’t manage to turn any.

“I don’t see what Evans sees in that slimy git.” He retorts, sitting next to Remus, with Sirius and Peter on his other side. “I mean; how can she even stand to be a mile near him? I know I get sick just looking at him!”

“Why do you care?” Sirius asks, looking uninterested, serving himself lunch. “Do you have a crush on Evans?” He asks, a mischievous smirk on his young face.

“What? Me? On Evans? Are you kidding? I’m just looking out for my fellow Gryffindor!” James splutters, blushing.

Sirius and Peter laugh. James quickly changes the conversation. “Remus! Have you finished the History of Magic homework yet?”  
“Yeah, why?” He asks, hesitantly.

“Can you help me with it tonight? Evans is the only other one with notes, and she says I can’t borrow them until I apologize for hexing Snivellus’s robe to be three sizes too small, and obviously I won’t apologize for my brilliancy. So, will you help?”

“Sorry, I can’t,” Remus says, carefully.

“What? Why not? What could you possibly be busy with?” James asks.

“Yeah, it isn’t like you hang out with anyone.” Sirius, who also hasn’t finished his homework, says.

“I’m going to visit my mum. She’s… Ill.” Remus says, getting himself some soup with shaking hands.

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry, Remus.” James says, frowning.

“It’s fine. You can borrow my notes, if you’d like.”

“Really? Thanks!” James says, accepting the roll of parchment from Remus.

Remus forces down the small portion of soup, and hides in the library to finish his Astronomy homework, feeling the effect of the moon already, as he walks to History of Magic, Professor Binns tells them that the homework is due tomorrow, so this was their last warning.

“I won’t tolerate late homework, only if you’re desperately ill, or a death in the family.” He says, and begins their lesson, his dull voice, sending many of the class to sleep again. Remus has to try extra hard to pay attention, and take notes.

When the class finally ends, everyone quickly rushes for the door, not wanting to spend another minute in the dreary room.

The Charms classroom is a very cheerful place, very sunny, and Remus squints, as he takes a seat next to Sirius, James and Peter, just so he doesn’t have to sit next to Snape, who has been glowering at him since he found out he was a roommate with the other three. As if that is all it takes to make a friend.

Professor Flitwick calls for silence, and begins to tell them about the Levitating Charm. “It is quite a simple Charm!” Squeaks Professor Flitwick. “The spell is Wingardium Leviosa! Remember to speak clearly, and the wand movement is swish, and flick! You must do both properly, or it won’t work!” He says, demonstrating it himself. He splits them up into groups of two, and as Sirius Black and James Potter try to pair up, he separates them, saying “Oh, no. Minerva warned me about you two, Potter, you and Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Black, you and Lupin will do.”

Everyone turns to the feather in front of them. “Simple? I don’t know what he’s talking about!” Grumbles Peter Pettigrew, waving his wand, and repeating the spell, but it won’t work. James tries to show him, but all it does is start a fight between them, when he says Peter isn’t saying it right, and Peter says James is doing the movement wrong, and then they both try it at the same time, which results in the feather launching across the room on fire. Several students scream, and fly under a desk.

“Alright, alright! Calm down!” Flitwick squeaks, and putting the flaming feather out, and giving them another.

Remus smiles slightly, it was quite funny. He shakes his head, regretting it, as it aches further, and turns to his own feather. During the commotion, Sirius and Lily managed to get their feathers to levitate a few inches from the desk.

“Well done, Ms. Evans, Mr. Black!” Flitwick says, smiling widely at them.

James grumbles something, and tries again, though it has much the same result as most in the class, staying firmly on the desk.

“Wingardium Leviosa!” Remus says clearly, though his throat aches, and swishes and flicks his wand, and the feather begins to float delicately.

“Well done, mate!” Sirius says, beaming, and clapping Remus on the shoulder. Remus grimaces, and Sirius immediately removes his hand “Sorry, sorry! I didn’t know you were hurt!” He says, eyes flash with guilt.

“It’s fine. Really, ‘m just slightly sore.” Remus says, managing a small smile.

Sirius nods, though he doesn’t try and touch Remus for the remainder of the lesson.

Snape managed to get the Charm to work, and James, not one to be outdone, especially by his enemies, got it, too, though everyone else struggled, and Peter’s went up in flame once more.

“Well done everyone, well done! Your homework for tonight will be to perfect the Charm by tomorrow. Well, go on then!”

Everyone files out, most heading outdoors, where the sun shines brightly, but Remus heads up the dormitory, starting his Transfiguration homework, before taking a long nap until dinner.

His dream was filled with confusing images, him, when he was small, before the bite. And Fenrir Greyback, breaking through his window when he was sleeping, and instead of biting him, he tears him apart, limb from limb, and the pain that was so real he could feel the phantom stings when he wakes up.

He sits up in bed, covered in sweat and shaking from head to toe. He stumbles out of bed, disorientated, tripping on the bed spread, and grunting in pain. He stands shakily, and makes his way to the bathroom, and splashes water in his face.  
He looks up at his reflection. His skin is chalky, and his eyes are red-rimmed and dark underneath. He looks worryingly ill, and feels so, too. He sighs, drying his face, and heading to the dormitory, and packs a bag with clothes for tomorrow. This bit had been his mum’s idea. If he’s supposed to be going to see her, he might as well look like he’s going somewhere.

“Hey Remus! Dinner started like an hour ago, do you want us to save you something?” Sirius asks, coming into the room, followed by James. “Peter is saving us a sea- Merlin! Are you okay?”

Remus looks up from where he charmed his shoe laces into tying themselves, something his dad showed him. “What? Oh, yeah.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look too well, mate.” James says, coming closer, and sitting next to him on his bed.

“Yeah, ‘s just a migraine, they always make me look worse than I really am.” Remus lies easily.

“Are you going to see your mum now?” Sirius asks, sitting next to him on his other side.

“Yes, Professor McGonagall is going to let me use her floo powder to go see her.”

“And you’re leaving before dinner?” James asks, brow furrowed.

“Yeah, I’m not too hungry.”

“Alright… I hope your mum’s okay.” Sirius says, laying a gentle hand on Remus’s shoulder, looking slightly unsure of himself. James, though, pulls him in for a hug.

“You know we’re here for you, right?” James asks, pulling away.

Remus awkwardly messes with his shirt sleeve. His mum is the only one who ever hugs him. “Thank you. Both of you.” He says, smiling timidly, and stands. “I better get going, and neither of you should miss dinner, either.” He says, grabbing his bag.

“Alright. Have a safe trip! I’ll take loads of Astronomy notes for you!” James says, as Sirius follows him out, with a wave.

Remus looks down, feeling bad that he can’t be their friend. What would they do if they found out what he was? No. It is better this way, he tells himself.

He walks down to the teacher’s lounge, and knocks. Professor Slughorn, the Potions teacher answers. “Oh, Mr. Lupin! I suppose you’re here to see Minerva? Well come in, come in, my boy!” He says, stepping back so Remus can side step him and his large stomach. Professor McGonagall is sitting near a fireplace, talking to Professor Sprout, but when she sees him, she nods her departure to her fellow teacher, and takes her leave, a hand on Remus’s back.  
“Do you have everything you need?” She asks, leading him down to the infirmary, where madam Pomfrey will let him stay while they wait for dinner to be over, so they can sneak out to the Whomping Willow.

“Yes, Professor.” He says, lifting his bag.

“Good. How are you feeling?” She asks, brow furrowed as she looks at him, his scars standing out against his pale skin.

He tugs his sleeve, self-consciously looking down at his walking feet. “As well as I look.” He murmurs.

“Perhaps Pomfrey can give you a pain drought.” McGonagall says thoughtfully.

“No.” She looks at him questioningly. “They mess with the wolf, making him angrier. I don’t know why, but I stopped taking them a long time ago. The transformation is too painful.” Remus says, talking freely as every student is either in their common room, or at dinner, the corridors deserted.

“Oh, of course.” She nods, opening the infirmary door for him, and shutting it behind herself. “Here he is, Poppy.” She says, as madam Pomfrey comes out of her office.

“Of course, of course. Thank you.” She says distractedly, already fussing over Remus, tipping his head up, and looking into his dilated, feverish eyes, taking his pulse, and temperature, and McGonagall takes her leave, wishing Remus an easy transformation, and heading to dinner, though worrying too much to actually eat much.

“I have only ever seen one werewolf before, so pardon me if I ask too many questions, I’m not exactly sure what to expect, though, I have talked to your parents a little about your affliction, and what to expect.” She says, absentmindedly, still checking him over. “Do you have any soreness?” he nods, “Does your skin hurt? Your teeth? Your head? Muscles?” He nods to all of them. “Okay… Would you like some tea? Your parents told me you refuse any pain relieving potions.”

“Yes, thank you, if it isn’t too much.” He says sheepishly.

“Nonsense! Of course it isn’t any trouble!” She says, bustling about, flicking her wand at the tea kettle, and it begins to boil instantly, as she busies herself, getting two cups, and making the tea,

Remus sits himself on one of the beds, and pulls out his Transfiguration book, beginning his homework, storing his bag under the bed.

By the time he finishes his tea, and a third of his homework, the sun has set, and madam Pomfrey pokes her head inside. “Remus? It is time.” She says, holding open a door that leads directly from the infirmary to outside. He stands, wincing as his knees creak, and follows her outside.

The night air is cold and fresh, the stars shining down on them, and Remus feels the moon. He feels it with every fiber of his being, making his mind fuzzy, and instincts animalistic; he has to fight with himself not to go running for the Forbidden Forest, to run with the other animals. They hurry to the tree, and madam Pomfrey summons a stick, and sends it flying toward a knot in the trunk. Instantly the swinging branches cease, and she ushers him on, towards an opening in the trunk, and they climb down inside.

Inside there is a hallway that leads to a stairwell, and up it is a door. Pomfrey opens the door, inside is a smallish room, that has a four poster bed, much like the one he has in their dormitory, only it has dark grey dressings, and a small table and a comfy chair, a wardrobe and a basin on another small table, filled with water.

“You should be safe here.” She tells him. “But, just in case, I will put some protection spells on the door.”

He nods. “Thank you, thank you for all of this.” His voice his hoarse.

“Oh, nonsense, this was all Professor Dumbledore!” She says blushing

“Still…”

She smooths his hair out of his face, and he’s reminded of his father, who does the exact same thing, and then his mum, who he sees in madam Pomfrey’s kind smile. This will be his first Full Moon without them. He told himself not to get homesick, and he was doing so well, but now, all he wants to do is cry. Madam Pomfrey must see this, for she removes her hand.

He sniffles, feeling the moon, as it starts to rise into the sky. He wipes his eyes, and says in a rough voice that seems too deep for his small body “You should go, it will start soon.”

“Are you sure? I can sit outside the door.”

“No, no. That will only make the wolf more intent on breaking free. I have to do this alone.” He whispers, feeling his skin getting ready to shift, to make way for his fur. “You need to go!” He gasps, falling.

She nods, rushing outside, and closing the door firmly. Absentmindedly, Remus hears her muttering protection Charms. He rushes to tear his clothing off, not wanting to ruin them, and thrusts them inside the wardrobe, then his legs give out, and he is suddenly engulfed in fear, like he is every month, that maybe this time, maybe this shift, will finally be the last one. He wishes his mum was here….

He screams, as his skin tears, and fur springs forth, and his teeth grow, and bones pop, making way from his other bones. His scream turns into a blood thirsty howl.

 

The first thing Remus notices is pain. Pain, and the sticky feeling that comes from lying in a pool of your own blood.

He groans, sitting up, feeling his bones pop back into place, and looks around the room. It was obvious that his wolf didn’t take too well to being locked inside a small, unfamiliar room. The bed is torn up, the table is flipped over, and the legs chewed to splinters, and the chair is ripped, the cloth shredded into almost nothing. The door has been clawed at, the same for the wardrobe. Remus whimpers in pain, trying to stand up, but failing. He takes stalk of all of his injuries, reaching a hand up to his face, touching a particularly deep cut that starts from just under his right eye, and reaches across the bridge of his nose, almost to his left ear, and a much smaller, but no less deep, cut that starts from the bridge of his nose, and stops at his cheek. His chest hurts, and he can’t stop shaking. His whole body burns, and he knows his left wrist is dislocated. And he has broom practice today! He can’t stop a sob that tears from his chest, making it burn all the more.

The doorknob rattles, as the charms begin to fade, and Remus knows that madam Pomfrey is coming. He quickly grabs a blanker that is, for the most part, intact, and wraps it around his shoulders.

She enters the room, a large bag filled with potions, and bandages around her shoulders. Her brows furrow as she sees his small, huddled, shaking body, laying in the middle of the floor. “Oh, Remus…” She whispers, coming to kneel in front of him, taking his face in her gentle, calloused hands, running her thumb over the deep cut, clicking her tongue sympathetically.

She reaches into her bag, and takes out a few potions, and a cloth, as well as a small flask of water, and begins to clean his cuts, then rubbing a stinging potion into them.

She wraps his wrist, after she whispers an incantation, which mends the bones back together, and then retrieves his clothes from the wardrobe, and turns as she gets dressed, unsteadily. His shaking fingers keep fumbling over the buttons, and he gets frustrated, so she comes over, and does them for him, wrapping an arm around his battered body, and carried most of his weight, as they make their slow trek back to the castle.

The sun has only just started to rise as they reach the castle. She sits him on the bed, and makes him strip down to his boxers so she can begin to clean his cuts, and wrapping them. Four really terrible slashes over his ribs take a few minutes for close up, and even then the scars are wide, and pink, tender to the touch.

When she finally finishes with his body, she turns to his face, to the two deep slashes across his face. “W-will they be obvious?” He asks, voice breaking from how dry his throat is.

She sighs, nodding her head. “I am sorry, Remus,” She says, setting her wand down. “I’ve done all I can do.”

He nods, looking down at his thin bandaged, battered body, hating it even more than before, as more scars litter his body than an eleven-year-old boy should have.

“I really wish you would wait a day before going to your lessons.” She says, face disapproving.  
“I can’t wait, madam Pomfrey. I can’t fall behind!” Remus says, not voicing his fears that if he falls behind Dumbledore would realize he made a mistake and kick him out of Hogwarts.

“Alright… Alright. Shall I wake you in time for breakfast?” She asks.

“Thank you.” He whispers, laying down in the bed, as she drags a screen over to hide him in case someone came.

Remus tries, but he doesn’t do much more than doze. He is already alert when madam Pomfrey brings him a steaming mug of something that isn’t tea, if the bitter scent is anything to go from.

“This is a pain drought. Your transformation is over, so it shouldn’t affect you.” When he protests she glares, “If you wish to go to your lessons, this is what you’ll take, or you will spend the day here.” He nods, protests dying on his tongue.

He drinks the entire thing in one go, grimacing at the bitter taste. She leaves him to get dressed, showing him a bathroom. He grabs his bag, and takes every step carefully, and shuts the door behind him.

He stands in front of the mirror, staring at his rimmed, bloodshot eyes, his usually bright eyes dimmed, and his skin pale, scars standing out against his skin. He turs away, undressing and climbing into the small shower cubicle, the water stings his cuts, but washes away the blood and grime from the night before. He lets a few tears fall, because he has cover, but stops himself, not really letting himself break down, in case the noise caries and someone hears.

He gingerly steps out, cautiously toweling his body dry, so he doesn’t reopen his cuts. When he’s done, he pulls on his uniform, and pushes his unruly hair out of his face, and steps outside of the bathroom. He thanks madam Pomfrey again, and heads for the Great Hall, hoping that not many people are there, but checking the time, he sees its eight-thirty, and most students would be there, eating breakfast.

He almost skips, but decides against it, seeing as he skipped dinner last night, and his stomach was sending daggers against his empty stomach. He needs food, or he wouldn’t make it past first period.

He pushes the doors open, wincing as the cuts on his body strain. ‘I can do this’ he tells his racing mind. He regulates his breathing.

He walks to the Gryffindor’s table, Dumbledore catches his eye, and smiles kindly, nodding. He smiles back.

“Merlin, Lupin! What happened to you?” Shouts Snape, getting everyone’s attention directed at him. “Did you lose a fight against Hagrid’s giant mutt?” He ignores him, body tense as he continues to walk. “And where were you last night? Those three prats you call friends wouldn’t say.” He says smirking.

Remus knows this is his way to get back at James, Sirius and Peter for whatever they must have done last night. He just didn’t understand that they weren’t friends.

“Oi! Snivellus! Keep your overly large nose to yourself, your dripping grease all over everyone else!” Shout James, as Peter and Sirius do a very rude hand gesture at him.

Peter scoots over, letting Remus sit next to him and Sirius, and James hands him a mug of tea. Remus is confused as to why they’re being so kind to him; was it because of the notes he lent them?

“Here, have some toast.” Sirius says, putting three pieces on his plate.

“And some bacon!” Peter says, dumping four strips onto his plate, too.

“Don’t forget porridge! That’s the best part of breakfast!” James exclaims, placing a steaming hot bowl in front of him.

He looks at the three of them, confused. “You’re awfully thin,” Sirius says. “Your shoulders are so bony I could cut myself on them!”

Remus looks at them warily, but accepts the food, he was starving.

“Today is the day…” James says, dramatically, loading up his own porridge with sugar, butter and cream.

“Seriously, James, it isn’t like the Quidditch team is going to put you on their team just because you’ve been flying since you could walk! Imagine how many other first years can say the same! And anyway, first years aren’t allowed to play.” Sirius says, eating a scone, ignoring glared from passing Slytherin.

Remus hadn’t noticed they still were giving him a hard time.

“Oh, ye of little faith! Just you wait!” James says, flinging an arm around Sirius.

When they finish breakfast, Remus protesting, as they try and make him eat another piece of toast. “Really guys, I’ll be sick if I eat anymore!” They head to their first subject: Charms.

They spend their time doing what they did yesterday, more students get the hang of it that time, and James, Sirius, and Remus all try to help Peter with it, but he still couldn’t, though, the feather only got slightly singed this time.

Transfiguration was grueling, and his head begins to pound. The rest of his classes leave him in an even worse state, he feels too ill to have lunch, instead he takes a small nap, before they head outside for their Flying lesson. James is talking energetically about Quidditch, and the rules, even though Sirius tells him that they know them. “I still wish the Chudley Cannons weren’t so behind…” He says, wistfully.

They come out to the Quidditch Pitch, and line up where two even lines of brooms lay. Madam Hooch explains what they should do, as James smirks, his broom leaving the ground on his first try.

“Up! Up!” Remus tries, though it doesn’t work, only moving slightly. “Up!” It rolls over. He scowls.

Even Peter has his broom up before Remus. Several Slytherins laugh. Sirius moves to stand behind him and whispers “Say up when I do.” He whispers, and counts to three under his breath, and they both say “Up!” At the same time, though Sirius says it under his breath. Remus catches it, and turns to smile at Sirius, and mouths ‘thank you’ Sirius just smiles.

“Right, now mount your brooms, and kick off when I say so, but don’t go too high, only a few feet, alright?” They nod, and mount their brooms, and kick off the ground, Remus grips the brooms shaft tightly, even though he’s only a few feet off the ground, he doesn’t like it.

Remus is very happy once his feet are firmly back on the ground. “I wish she would have let us do more than that!” James grumbles, as they make their way back to the castle.

Back in the dormitory, James and Sirius are lying upside down on James’ bed, talking about their day.

“I mean; Charms isn’t that hard.” Sirius says, flicking his wand, making Peter’s pillow fly and hit him in the head.

Peter cries out, indignantly, throwing the pillow at Sirius, making he and James laugh. “And it’s easy for you to say! I can’t get it to work for anything!”

“You’ll get it, Peter. Don’t stress it.” James says, sitting back up, fixing his crooked glasses.

Remus smiles, looking down at his parchment, finishing his Astronomy paper, and deciding maybe he’d just try to hang out with his roommates… It couldn’t hurt… Right?

He turns to them, “I could help you, Peter… If you’d like.”

Peter turns to him, “Really?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you!”

Remus smiles timidly at the three of them telling himself that it would be fine over and over until the lie felt like the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What did you think??? :)) 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/followed/ or gave me kudos!!! I love you all!!! 
> 
> Please forgive me any mistakes, I do my own editing! Reviews and constructive criticism is encouraged!! I'm always trying to improve!!  
> Thanks!  
> ~Elliott


	3. Young Volcanoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing!!! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the wizarding universe!!! And Fall Out Boy own the title and lyrics at the beginning!!!
> 
> This chapter is more of a filler I guess? I hope you guys enjoy!! <3

_We are wild_   
_We are like young volcanoes_   
_We are wild_   
_Americana, exotica_   
_Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?_

   
Remus couldn’t be happier. He’s had friends for two weeks, and classes, aside from potions, were going really well! He ate breakfast with them, and he doesn’t have to worry about looking pathetic sitting by himself. They have even included him in the pranks they play on Slyhterin, mostly Snape, but he was still very happy to be included.

“We need a really good prank. Like, the mother of all pranks.” James says one night as Remus is helping Peter with his Charms homework.

“Well, what do you have in mind?” Sirius asks, sitting up in bed among his school books and parchment.

“I don’t know, Sirius. I was hoping one of you lot had some ideas.” James says, throwing a pillow at Sirius.

“What about hexing every classroom door closed, that way we can all catch up on school work without getting more piled up on top.” Sirius says, furiously scribbling on a piece of parchment, most likely his Astronomy homework which was due that night.

“Ha, good idea, but it probably wouldn’t work too well. They teachers would get the doors open in minutes.” Remus says, working on his own homework, now.

“True, true… What about hexing the doors not to let Snivellus in? Surely they wouldn’t realize until it was too late, and he’d missed several classes!” James says, triumphantly.

Sirius shouts his agreement, and Peter approves, too. Remus doesn’t think that would be very funny, but he also doesn’t want to seem like he likes Snape more than his new friends, he’s scared he’d have to go back to being alone again, so he just nods, and goes back to his paper. He knows what Charm would work, he just has to find the spells for it…

Remus spends several days in the library trying to find the right spells, sometimes Sirius joins, too, when he’s avoiding Bellatrix or other Slytherins.

“I think if you just confront them, and tell them you don’t care what they think, they would leave you alone.” Remus offers.

“Or you could charm dung bombs to follow them around, and explode. Like, next time Malfoy is near you cousin, Narcissa, make them blow up! It would totally teach them a lesson!” James says, having followed them today.

“I don’t really think that’s a good idea…” Remus starts.

“Yeah, Remus is right, it isn’t a good idea… It’s a great one!” Sirius exclaims, much to the annoyance of everyone around them, who shush him violently.

“Sorry, sorry…” Sirius whispers again.

“Have you made any progress, Remus?” James asks, lounging in one chair next to him, with Sirius on Remus’s other side.

Remus squints in the low light, and nods. “Yeah, these two here are what I’ve been looking for… We’ll have to get up early to make sure we get to every class room… But, yeah. This one will make an invisible barrier, and this one will repel him, in case he tries to walk in behind someone else.” Remus says, showing them the book. It would be a complicated spell, seeing as it’s from a fourth year Charms book, and he’d most likely need to practice all night, but he was sure he could do it; Charms was his second best subject, and he’s watched it being performed many times in his life.

“Brilliant, mate! Bloody brilliant!” James whisper-shouts.

“Really! I’m not sure where our pranks would be without you!” Sirius says, beaming at him.

“Nonsense, you’d still have pranks, they’d just take longer.” He says, smirking.

“Ha, thanks.” Sirius says, dryly.

They copy down the spells, not wanting to check out the book, in case Madam Pince noticed the particular spells were from the same book they checked out.

“Really, I swear that woman does disturbing things to those books after hours. She’s seriously intimate with them.” James says with a shudder, and he replaced them from where Remus got them.

Remus spends, as he thought, all night trying to get the spell to work. He used the bathroom door to practice on, and his friends as test subjects, making them walk into the doorway, and didn’t stop until the door wouldn’t budge, and threw James three feet across the room as he tried to follow Sirius.

“How long do you think the spell will last? I kind of have to use the bathroom, after all the coffee I’ve had.” James says, laughing.

The four of them got up at four the next morning, James revealed his invisibility cloak.

“Why didn’t you tell us you had that thing?” Sirius asks, mock-offended.

“I don’t know! I was saving it for the perfect prank!” James says, defensively.

They all get in, and huddle close, as they walk from classroom to classroom. It takes several minutes per room, as Remus needs to make sure the enchantment is strong enough to last.

By the time they finished it was seven in the morning, and Remus was famished, and his head began to hurt.

He filled his plate with food, and downed a large mug of coffee; he was seriously going to need it to get through the day.  
James and Sirius begin to snicker, as Snape enters the Great Hall, his ever present scowl seems to have deepened, and Remus feels bad, knowing what he just did would make the boy’s day that much worse…

“Don’t feel bad, Remus. Snivellus deserves it after the way he treated you a few weeks ago.” Peter says, trying to make him feel better.

“I can’t help it…” Remus whispers back, not wanting the other two to know how he feels.

“If it makes you feel better, I feel kind of guilty, too… But there isn’t much we can actually do. Those barriers are staying up for a while. Remember how long it took to finally let James into the bathroom?”

Remus nods. It was four and a half hours. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine, Pete. Thanks, though.” Remus says, smiling.  
Peter smiles back, getting seconds on oatmeal.

Their first class was Transfiguration, and Remus went a little ahead of the other three, just so he can have his usual quiet time before classes. They didn’t seem to mind, just going back to the common room for the remainder of breakfast.

“Ah, Remus, come in.” McGonagall says, opening the door for him. Remus wonders if she can feel the magical barrier…

He helps her set out todays objects that they’ll be using; they’ll be turning a mouse into a snuffbox. Remus feels bad for the mice, and hopes it doesn’t hurt them.

“How have you been, Remus?” McGonagall asks. She’s stopped calling him Lupin when no one else is around. “Have you settled into Hogwarts alight?”

“Yes, thank you, Professor.” Remus says, placing a small mouse in a cage on the last desk.

“That is good. Very good. And have you managed to make any friends?”

“Yes. Or, at least, I hope I have… I’m not sure. I haven’t ever had a friend before… And now, I think I may have three!” Remus says, turning his bright, caramel colored eyes to her.

“That is very good, Remus. It doesn’t do well to isolate oneself.” She says, setting her last mouse down, too, and unlocking the door, as students start filing in.

Sirius, James and Peter grin at him, as they all take their normal seats, all in the middle of the room.

McGonagall does a rollcall, and when Snape doesn’t answer, her brow furrows. “Ms. Evans, do you know where Mr. Snape is?”

“No. And I wish everyone would stop acting like I should always know where he is!” Lily says angrily, and now Remus knows why Snape looked angry this morning; they must have fought.

“Alight.” She says, and rights Snape off as late, before starting the lesson.

Lily was the only one to make any difference in her mouse, but even then, it wasn’t all that noticeable, it only seemed shinier and more… silvery.

Remus and the other three were the first out, and they noticed Snape sitting against the wall, and Sirius and James started snickering, but soon so many students filed out, headed for their next class, that nobody noticed him sitting there.

Their next class was Herbology, and they didn’t try anything on the green house, because they were see through, so Professor Sprout would have seen Snape outside.

By noon, James’s spirits seemed to have risen even higher, as they made their way to DADA classroom.

“Where is Mr. Snape?” Professor Fletcher asks, getting no answer from Lily or the Slyhterins, he, too, writes him off as not coming.

“Today, we are going to learn the basic way of treating a werewolf bite.

“Now. There isn’t a cure for the bite, or at least, there hasn’t been one, yet. But healers are still looking. I’m only teaching you the basic ways of treating a bite, of stopping the bleeding so you can get to St. Mungos for actual treatment. Now, let’s all split up into groups. No, Potter, not with Black, you’re going to work with Ms. Evans today, Black. you and Lupin should be fine.” Peter looks nervous as he sits next to Marlene.

Remus takes a seat next to Sirius, and they work on identifying the right potion, or fungi to stop the bleeding.

“Are you sure it isn’t wolf’s bane? I mean, wolf is in the name.” Remus hears James ask.

“Of course not, you idiot! Wolf’s bane is poisonous to werewolves!” Lily says, disapprovingly.

“Well, isn’t that okay? Werewolves are kind of dangerous, why not stop them while we’re ahead?”

Remus stiffens. Of course James would think so; it’s the obvious answer. Remus and his kind are monsters. Monsters that need to be put down.

“No, you git! Werewolves never asked to be changed! Why would they deserve death for being a victim?” Lily hisses angrily.

“Whatever.” James grumbles.

“Remus? You alright, mate?” Sirius asks, finally getting his attention.

“What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I was only… Thinking…” Remus says, distantly. He knows which potion is right, and which fungi and herb would help staunch the blood flow, but it’s all too much, and the scent of the wolf’s bane is making him light headed. “I-it’s these…” Remus mumbles, taking a blue vial, and a brown and white fungi, and pushing the other options aside.

“Okay.” Sirius says, and Remus also takes care of their written work, after Sirius admits that he forgot to read that chapter in DADA the night before, since they were all so busy. Remus quickly jots down how to treat a wound, and they take their work up to Professor Fletcher, who nods, and catches Remus’s eyes, silently asking if he was okay. Remus just nods, going back to sit down.

By lunch time, Snape was so angry, his usual sallow skinned face was nearly red with rage. He had missed three of his four classes this morning.

“What have you four done?” He asks, stopping them before they reached the Gryffindor table.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asks, acting confused. James stands in front of Peter, knowing his face would give it away.

“I don’t know how you did it, but you’ve Charmed the classroom doors to not allow me entrance!” He growls.

“Why would we even care enough to put that much effort into it?” James retorts, glaring at Snape.

“Whatever you’ve done, reverse it! Or I’ll go to the headmaster!” He threatens, then stalks off. Remus can’t help but think he has an uncanny resemblance to a bat as his black robes billow around his hunched over body.

“How long should the spell last, anyway?” James asks, offhandedly.

“I’m not sure… I spent a good ten minutes on each, which is double what I spent on the bathroom door… Maybe six hours?” Remus says, spooning stew into a bowl, always careful to avoid the silver platters.

“Good! The slimy git will miss every other class aside from flying!” James says, triumphantly.

By the time it was Charms, the teachers all noticed Snape’s absence, and began to investigate. Professor Flitwick stood outside his classroom, allowing every student to go in, and when Snape tried to go in, he was repelled four feet into the air, and slid against the floor, coming to stop against the wall, in an undignified heap. James and Sirius, among seeing it for the first time, could barely contain their glee, having to bite the insides of their cheeks, or their knuckles.

“Ah, I see the problem.” Professor Flitwick says, cheerfully, and says a few counter spells, and the barrier falls away, and Snape is able to walk through, finally.

“Does anyone know who placed the Charm on all the classroom doors so Severus Snape here couldn’t gain access?” Squeaked Flitwick

Everyone shook their heads, and Snape finally snapped. “It was those four idiots!” He exclaimed.

“Oh, no! It couldn’t have been! That Charm is taught in year four! It would take a lot of patience and time for those young men to do it.”

“It’s true! We’re all so impatient, it would take us ages and ages!” James says, with faux innocence.

“See, Severus? They couldn’t possibly have cast it.”

Snape was fuming by the end of the day. Not only had he missed almost every class, but the four of them had gotten away with tormenting him! He vowed he wouldn’t stop until he found out something about them, something that would truly cause a stop to their mischief!

That night, when all the homework was finished, Sirius having helped Remus with his potions essay, they all lay around in their beds, discussing what they would do that weekend, when Sirius remembered what Flitwick had said earlier.

“Remus, how did you manage to use such a complicated spell? I mean; I know you and Evans are really excellent at Charms, but Professor Flitwick said that was a fourth year Charm!”

Remus had to think quickly. He knew of that Charm because his father used it on the inside of their cellar at home, so he couldn’t escape when he was his wolf. But he obviously couldn’t tell them that. “My father used it… To repel… Dogs.”

“Dogs?” James asks, highly interested.

“Yes… Very big ones… They keep… digging up my mum’s garden.”

They don’t look convinced, but they nod all the same.

“I wish we were third years already! I hear Zonko’s Joke Shop is literally the best prank shop ever!” James groans, throwing a hand over his eyes.

“I want to go to Honeydukes.” Peter says, wistfully.

“You don’t suppose there is a way out of Hogwarts where we won’t be discovered?”

“Like what? A secret exit or something?” James asks, dubiously.

“If so, don’t expect to get past Filch. He’ll know about every entrance and exit in the castle.” Remus says, sullenly. He would love to have some really nice chocolate right now.

He finishes his letter to his parents; his second, with no reply. He’ll take it down in the morning.

“So? James has a bloody invisibility cloak! We could easily sneak out unnoticed!” Sirius says, matter-of-factly.

“Yeah! Sirius is right! We’ll start looking this weekend!” James says, face lit up with excitement.

Remus rolls his eyes, but nods, consenting to spend his weekend looking for secret passages that very well might not exist.

That night, when the other three are asleep, Remus, try as he might, can’t drift off. His body aches terribly, and he tries to curl in on himself, but it doesn’t help. His mind goes back to what James said earlier, about killing Werewolves before they had a chance to turn. And he knows, he knows right then, that whatever he does, he cannot let them find out about his secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah? How was that?
> 
> Thank you to everyone who replied/followed/or gave me kudos!!! It means so much that you guys like the story so far!! 
> 
> Please reply; constructive criticism is encouraged! I'm always trying to improve!!! 
> 
> Have a good day!!   
> ~Elliott


	4. First Day Of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own anything!!! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the wizarding world!!! And the title of the chapter and the lyrics belong to Bright Eyes!!!
> 
> I hope you like this!!! <3 Enjoy!

_This is the first day of my life_  
_Swear I was born right in the doorway_  
_I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed_  
_They're spreading blankets on the beach_

_Yours was the first face that I saw_  
_I think I was blind before I met you_  
_I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been_  
_But I know where I want to go_

 

The following weeks he gets closer to his three friends. He hopes he isn’t too presumptuous, calling them his friends. All he has ever wanted was a friend, and the thought of having three? It fills his stomach with an odd, yet happy feeling. They even include him in their pranks! They let him levitate the dung bombs on to a group of studying Slytherins, and as they ran away before the teachers caught them, they called him their friend!

But… Getting closer to them, he also knew this would happen. He knew the questions would come. The questions phrased like they were nothing, the way they subtly tried finding out if his parents were nice. If they treated him right. He got defensive, and then sometimes he’d shut down, and stop talking all together.

He could hear them at night, when they thought he was sleeping. “You don’t suppose his life at home is horrible, right?”

“Of course not!” Sirius would say. He always came to his defense, though Remus thought that maybe he knew a little about bad home life; the way his eyes got a little glazed over, and he’d get tense. “You could tell if it was. Anyway, he’d tell us if something was wrong. That’s what friends do, right?”

Remus knows things can’t stay in this happy, calm manner for long, but he takes it all in, while he can.

September ended. Taking with it the warmer days, and then October came, bringing changing leaves, and cold nights. Remus loves October, because he can wear large sweaters comfortably, without his friends asking if he was too warm.

They lay on their beds, discussing the plans for their latest prank, it’s rapidly nearing Hallowe’en, and they have a plan, after Remus discovered a spell to transfigure slime out of simple things, they plan to use it on the Slytherins on Hallowe’en night, Transfiguring the candles inside all of their pumpkins to green slime.

“I did it! Guys I got the spell to work!” Peter exclaims as they were all practicing in the bathroom so no one noticed, in case they came into their dormitory, though, Frank Longbottom made that mistake, hoping to get some help from Remus, he instead had his legs charmed with Tarantallegra and made to dance rapidly, a spell that James used on Snape later that week, and got his ear chewed off by both Professor McGonagall, and Lily Evans. But he says that the detention was worth it. “Have you ever seen anything as funny?” James asks, holding a cramp in his side from laughing so hard.

“Great job, Pete!” James says, clapping him on the back.

“Yeah, bloody brilliant, mate!” Sirius says, smiling.

Remus smiles, though his head hurts too much to join in their celebrations. The Full Moon was the night before, and was even worse than the one the previous month; but he won’t allow this to stop him from learning. From holding him back.

“But the question is, how are we going to get it inside the pumpkins? What if it leaks out of the pumpkin’s openings?” Sirius asks, thoughtfully.

Remus looks up from his book, “Working on that, now.”

Sirius grins. “Great! Peter lets practice that again, Hallowe’en is Monday, and we need to have this spell perfected by then, no mistakes, okay?”

“Yeah.” Peter says, nodding, as they go over the spell again.

James walks over to Remus’s bed, and sits next to him, looking over his shoulder, reading along with him. “Don’t suppose that one would work, would it?” He asks, pointing to a spell that allows you to use an inanimate object to possess a bit of magic for a short time, before exploding. Remus thinks for a moment.

“I think it might. But we’ll have to work fast, or some pumpkins might explode before we finish.” Remus says, reading the description of the spell, grinning.

“Brilliant!” James says, clapping his hands together, looking to Sirius, who gives them a thumbs up, covered in green slime, standing next to a sheepish looking Peter.

Remus spent the rest of his break in the Library, so he was on his own, walking towards the Potions classroom in the dungeon on Friday morning, and was too stuck in his head, thinking about the prank they were planning; he had so much to think about, that he didn’t realize he was about to be cornered by three Slytherins. One was a seventh year, the other a sixth year, and the third was Snape. They surrounded him, pushing him into an alcove.

“What do you think happened to him?” One of them, Malfoy, asks, talking over him, motioning to his scarred face.

“Did your daddy hit you?” Another, Bellatrix, Sirius’s cousin, coos mockingly at him “Does your daddy hate you? Oh, you poor wittle baby.” She cackles.

Snape stands to the side, looking like he couldn’t care less, though, Remus can see his interest sparkling in his dark eyes.

Remus feels panic rapidly swell in his chest, making his fingers feel numb, and his breathing quicken.

“I mean; something horrible had to have happened; why else is he covered in so many scars?” Malfoy asks, a cruel smile adorning his fair face.

“What happened to you?” Bellatrix asks, mockingly caressing his face, as he tries to back away. “I asked you a question, runt! What happened to you?!”

“N-nothing! Leave me alone!” He stammers, reaching into his threadbare robes, and grabbing his wand.

“Awe, what’s the little baby going to do? Is he going to try and hex us?” She asks, hooded eyes gleaming with mirth. “Give it your best shot, Loopy Lupin. Oh, what’s that? You don’t like our new nickname? Is it too close to the truth? Come on, go ahead. Hex us.”

“Well, if he doesn’t I sure as hell will!” James says, as he, Sirius and Peter come around the corner, walking towards potions, obviously hearing his voice, they came to investigate. “What now, Snivellus? Evans got tired of you so you started hanging out with soon-to-be death eaters? Want them to save you a spot?”

Snape glowers, but doesn’t say anything, just pulls his wand out.

“Come on, Remus, let’s go.” Sirius says, reaching around his smirking cousin to grab Remus’s hand, and tugging him away, behind him.

“Oh, I see how it is! You abandoned your family to become a Gryffindor queer! Is this your little boyfriend, Sirius? Do you have a crush?” She asks, hooded eyes filled with manic rage.

Malfoy cackles and Snape smirks, as Sirius blushes, a delicate pink tint across his high cheekbones. “Bugger off!” He says, taking his wand out, and murmuring a spell Remus found in a book in the library, it made all your hair shrink back into your head, and suddenly, all of her silky, curly black hair was gone, and she took a minute to register what exactly had happened, before she let out a shriek, and started to threaten them, but they had already run off, Remus’s hand still firmly clasped in Sirius’s.

When they were far enough away, they stopped, James and Peter roaring with laughter

“Did you see her face when she realized what you had done? Brilliant, mate!” James says, clapping Sirius on the back.

Sirius grinned, looking down at Remus and his hands, then quickly dropping it, his reply was cut off by Peter, who’s attention was quickly turned to Remus. “Hey, Remus…” He began, cautiously. “Why… Why are you covered in scars?”

Remus froze. He was completely taken aback. “I...” His throat closed in on him, and he began to shake.

“Really, you can tell us anything, mate. Is it you family?” James says carefully.

“Y-you don’t know what you’re talking about!” Remus says, getting defensive.

“Hey, hey! It’s okay! You don’t have to tell us!” “Sirius says, hands raised as a sign of surrender.

“It’s okay… I was attacked by a large dog when I was almost five…”

“D-did it hurt?” Peter asks hesitantly.

“Of course it hurt, you git! He was attacked!” James says, looking guilty for expecting Remus’s family.

“It’s fine. It was so long ago. I hardly remember anything.” Which is a lie. Remus is sure he’ll never forget the event. “Let’s go. Potions is starting soon.” He says, giving them a halfhearted smile.

“I’ve seen what you four can do,” Slughorn says, smiling good naturedly, “Black, you sit next to Snape, Potter, you and Pettigrew in the front, Lupin, next to Evans and her friends.”

His friends frown, as they watch his tense form, hunched over his cauldron. Without the help of Sirius, Remus usually fails. Professor Slughorn has them try a new potion, a cure for boils, though Remus can’t remember what it was they were supposed to do. He wasn’t good at potions, no matter how hard he tries.

Sirius tries to help, whispering answers to him, but gets caught and has five points removed from Gryffindor, and leaves Remus to his fate.

He doesn’t know what he did wrong, but his cauldron explodes, showering the students to the left and right of him in the potion, immediately their arms and legs explode with painful boils.

“Calm down! Calm down!” Slughorn shouts, trying to get between the desks to get towards to students who were affected by the potion, two of who, Remus realizes with a sinking feeling, were Marlene, and Snape. They look at Remus with a murderous look on their faces, like Remus did this on purpose. “Lily, Mary, will you escort them all to Madame Pomfrey? Thank you.” They nod, and he turns to Remus. “I’m sorry, Remus, but detention Saturday and Sunday, my office at eight.” He says, waving his wand, and the mess is gone, then he waddles away.

Remus just nods, looking down at the shattered remains of his cauldron. He’ll have to buy another one…

Remus was glad that their last class was Charms, hoping that maybe it would cheer him up. But in there, Snape tried his hardest to hurt him. They were learning the Fire Making Charm, and he ‘accidentally’ aimed his wand at Remus’s bag, igniting it immediately with blue flames.

As Flitwick puts it out, Remus catches Snape’s eye, and he smirks smugly at him, before turning back to the task, successfully casting fire in their designated jars.

Remus’s books were mostly unharmed, only slightly singed, making the already shabby books look worse. Lily scowls at Snape, who has the decency to look slightly guilty for what he did.

The weekend was spent planning for the prank, now that each of them could cast the spell sufficiently, they needed to think of the best way to execute their plan.

“I think we should split up all around the room.” James says, laying sprawled across Remus’s bed, his head pillowed on Remus’s leg.

“No, I think at least one of us should be at Gryffindor’s table, and the others go under the cloak, and each go into different corners. If we’re all missing, it’d be suspicious.” Peter says.

“Good idea, mate.” Sirius says, looking for something under his bed. “Ha! Got it!” He says, pulling out a jar of lumpy green stuff.

“What’s that?” Peter asks, suspiciously.

“Frog spawn. I’m going to dump it on Snivellus’s head as revenge for burning Remus’s bag.” Sirius says determinedly. He cuts Remus off with a raised hand. “No excuses. That slimy git deserves it.” He gets up, brushing his pants off, and James follows him out of the room, face lit with glee, at the aspect of mischief, especially aimed at Snape.  
“I better get going, too. My detention starts in fifteen minutes.” Remus says, heaving his tired, sore body off of the bed.

“Good luck, Remus. I’ve heard Slughorn gives out nasty detentions, like cleaning out cauldrons, and pickling weird, slimy things.” Peter says, going back to his homework.

“Thanks, mate.” Remus says, walking out.

Luckily, it wasn’t pickling things, or washing out cauldrons. Slughorn wanted him to work on his Potion; though, even with his careful guidance, Remus’s Potion still failed. Terribly.

“Well, I’m not sure why it doesn’t work.” Slughorn says tiredly, after the sixth or seventh failed attempt. “I guess you just don’t have a knack for Potions, my boy.”

“I tried telling you, sir…” Remus mumbles to his heavily boil covered hands.

“Well, run off, and get Madam Pomfrey to fix that.” He says, placing all the ingredients away.

After last night’s several failed attempts, she just gave him a vial of potion to get rid of them, so Remus just takes it out of his robes, and carefully puts it on his hands, as he quietly enters his dorm, the light turned off, as his friends are fast asleep. He quickly undresses, and climbs into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

Monday’s classes go quickly, and soon, the four boys were meeting outside under a tree, far enough away so they’ll be undetected, but close enough to the Black Lake, so that Peter keeps looking over to it, thinking that the Giant Squid will come out and attack them, after what a mischievous fifth year told him, how the squid likes to eat the chubbier students. James dumped a glass of pumpkin juice on the boy at lunch that day.

“Remus, you should be the one at the table.” Sirius tells him.

“Why me? Isn’t it suspicious if I’m the only one present?” He argues, knowing he’ll be the one who’ll get caught first.

“Because everyone knows you’re the brains of our group, so obviously if you’re sitting there, we can’t possibly be up to too much trouble.” James says, like it’s obvious.

Remus feels himself blush slightly at the compliment. “Okay. I’ll stay at the table, but you guys better hide really well, and spread out, too. You can cover more pumpkins if you aren’t all in the same spot.”

“Good idea, mate.” Sirius says, gripping his shoulder, smiling at him. Remus smiles back at him, feeling warm, surrounded by his friends, even if it’s very chilly out.

At dinner, Remus walks the deserted corridors, heading towards the Great Hall, and sits near the end, enough that he’s visible, but that it won’t be obvious when he enchants the pumpkins.

He looks around the room, waiting for sight of the other four, and eventually catches Peter, who gives him a thumps up; Remus subtly inclines his head. He sees James close to the door, hidden behind a pillar, and Sirius behind another, only several feet from the Slytherin table. Sirius grins at him widely, grey eyes sparkling in the candle-light.

He tries not to watch them, lest he draws the attention from the teachers, but every few minutes he sneaks a glance in their general direction. He can’t help but grin to himself. The excited nerves in his belly are different to his usual gut wrenching fear that plagues him so often.

“Where are your trouble making friends?” Lily asks, as she stands next to him, Marlene and Mare behind her.

“James has detention, and Sirius is helping Peter with his Potions homework.” He recites the lie they worked on all week, knowing no one would question why James was in detention, seeing as he was in their at least twice a week, and seeing as Sirius is the best out of all four of them at Potions, something he didn’t take pride in, and Peter was even worse than Remus, no one would question that, either.

“Why aren’t you with him?” Marlene asks, head inclined to the side.

“Because I’m rubbish at Potions, and make everything explode.” Remus says, matter-of-factly.

Lily hums and she and the other two head further down the table, but Mary turns around, smiling at him, as she inclines her head in James’ general direction, blue eyes wide, filled with mirth. Remus grins back, nodding. She skips over to her friends, but doesn’t say anything.

Remus catches James’ eye, and he nods at Remus, letting him know that it’s time. Remus takes his wand out, and focuses on five pumpkins near the end of the Slytherin table, as he slowly whispers the enchants to fill them, and his friends do the same.

Quickly, the three of his friends run into the shadows again, and start the countdown. Remus allows himself a small smile, as he counts down the last ten seconds, before the pumpkins begin to pulse green, over and over, getting bigger each second, catching everyone’s attention, aside from the oblivious Slytherins, before they explode with a giant POP! And the Slyhterins are covered from head to toe in thick, green slime!

Immediately there are screams from their table, and roaring laughter from the other three, and cries on how wonderfully the color matches their house. Remus takes personal pleasure in seeing Malfoy’s usually perfectly kept blond hair covered in green. He sees three un-enchanted pumpkins above them, and decides he can’t help himself, and does the spell to make them fill with slime, and one of the fifth year boys next to him grins and winks, as he realizes that Remus had a hand in the prank.

The teachers come running from their table, but soon back away as three larger pumpkins begin to pulse again, they back away, leaving the Slytherins who weren’t ready, to get slimed again, particularly Snape, and Remus shook with silent laughter, though he saw Lily glare at him. The teachers wait a few seconds, in case anymore pumpkins explode, then start inspecting, trying to find out who did it, and Remus ducks under the table, as Professor McGonagall heads toward their table, looking for Remus and his friends.

Remus sees his friend’s retreating feet, as they quickly run for the exit hoping to get under James’s cloak before they’re discovered, but they aren’t fast enough. “Stop right there! Potter, Black, Pettigrew, get back here!” Professor McGonagall shouts, and they stiffen, still having their back to everyone. “Where is Mr. Lupin? I assume he had something to do with this prank?”

“No!” Sirius says, turning around. “He isn’t here!”

Remus hears the fifth year he’s sitting next to chuckle, and Remus looks up, he winks again, and places his finger against his lips. Remus smiles back.

“Yes, he is, Professor! He’s under the table!” Says Marlene McKinnon. Remus sensed her hostility since the boil incident, but he didn’t think she’d rat him out.

“Come out, Mr. Lupin.” She says, sternly.

Remus crawls out from under the table, and the fifth year boy snickers. “Worth a try, mate.” And pats him on the back. Remus smiles, and looks down, blushing for some reason unknown to him, feeling very warm, then walks over, and stands next to Sirius, who smiles apologetically, like he gave Remus away.

“My office, now. March.” She says, pushing James’ shoulder as he’s about to protest.

The Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor tables give them a round of applause as they walk out, cheering them on, and James and Sirius do a couple of dramatic bows, and Peter smiles widely, happy to be included in the glory.

“You know, when I suggested you make friends, Mr. Lupin, I didn’t necessarily mean these three hooligans.” She says, closing the door behind them.

“Hey! We prefer Official Mischief Makers, thank you very much!” James says, indignantly. Sirius and Peter laugh, and Remus smiles, tiredly.

“And besides! I think they deserved it! You should have seen the way they have been treating Remus! It’s just atrocious!” Sirius exclaims, angrily crossing his arms.

“Yeah! Atrocious!” Peter says, copying Sirius, then James does it, too, nodding gravely.

“Oh, I suppose it must be these three?” She says, turning to Remus.

Remus grins. “Afraid so, Professor.”

“Alright, alright. Even so, that doesn’t excuse your behavior and the general raucous. You will have a detention with me tomorrow night. You will all write Slytherin apologies. By hand.” She says.

“What?!” “That’s so unfair!” “No!” The three cry at the same time, Remus just nods, not even arguing.

“You will, and with no complaints, or you can march back to the Great Hall and help Mr. Filch clean the floor.”

“Fine, fine!” James says, crossly, pouting.

“Good, now you three run along. I want a word with Mr. Lupin.”

They look at him curiously, but leave them, shutting the door behind themselves. McGonagall looks at them fondly for a moment, before turning back to Remus

“Have a seat, Remus.” She says, taking one herself.

“Did I do something else wrong?” He asks, wracking his brain for offenses he may or may not have done.

“No, no. I just have a few questions.” He nods, prompting her to continue. “What Black said, about some Slytherins treating you poorly. Is that true?”

His chest fills with icy dread. He doesn’t want to tattle on anyone, he doesn’t want to be like Marlene. “No, Professor, it isn’t like that! Really, it isn’t anything I can’t handle.”

“Are you sure? We don’t tolerate bullying here, among anyone.” He knows she’s directing that to him, and how people view werewolves; like animals.

“Really, Professor. I’m sure they meant nothing by it.”

“Alright. If you’re sure? Well, I also have this for you. It’s from your family, they wanted me to give it to you, personally, in case a student got a hold of it before you.” She says, handing him a letter.

His mood immediately lifts at the prospect of receiving word from him parents. “Thank you, Professor!” He says, accepting the letter, and small parcel.

“You may go, Remus… I’m glad you made friends, even with those clowns.” She says, a smile on her face.

“Official Mischief Makers.” He corrects her, smiling back.

“Of course. Now, shoo. Your friends are waiting.” She says, smile turned soft.

He nods, holding his letter and package tightly, and rushing out, and hurrying up the many flights of stairs, and telling the Fat Lady the password, “Hippogriff!” And she nods, swinging open to let him in.

He walks up the stairs to the dormitory, carefully breaking the seal, and reading it.

Dear Remus:

I hope everything is going well for you. We are sorry it took so long to reply, work has been so busy lately, your father has been stuck in the ministry late every night, and my book store has been a very popular place for young people recently.

We are very sorry to hear that your transformations have been so hard on you; if I could, I would be there, my sweet boy. I want nothing more than that.

Your father sends his love, as do I, and we can’t wait for Christmas break, so we can finally see you again.

Lots of love, Mum and Dad. Xoxo

P.S. Here is a new copy of Treasure Island. I hope this one won’t fall apart.

Remus reads his letter three more times, before going inside the dormitory, where his friends sit, piled on Peter’s bed, discussing a new idea for a prank.

Remus walks to his bed in a sort of daze, before he sits on his bed, and carefully pulls back the brown paper, to reveal the cover of his favorite book. He smiles, running his finger across the cover.

“What’s that, Remus?” Sirius asks, sitting next to Remus.

“A book.” He says, with a smirk.

Sirius scoffs. “Yeah, I got that, mate. What book, is what I meant.” He says laughing, nudging Remus in the ribs playfully.

“Treasure Island.” Remus says, nudging back.

“Ooh! I read that when I was younger!” James says, bouncing onto Remus’s bed.

“I did, too!” Peter says, doing what James is, making them all bounce, and laugh.

“I never have.” Sirius says, thoughtfully.

“I’m not surprised, your family being who they are. It’s a muggle pirate book.” James says.

“Ah, true.” Sirius says, grimly.

“Would you like to read it?” Remus offers.

“Really? You don’t mind?” Sirius asks, trying to keep his excitement hidden. It doesn’t work.

“Of course I don’t mind. Here.” He says, placing the book into Sirius’s hands, and Sirius looks at him with wide eyes, and smiles.

“Thank you!”

Remus smiles at him. “Sure.”

The next day Remus gets up early, missing his old routine. When he gets there, there are only a few students up, mostly fifth and seventh years, and Remus sees the fifth year from the night before beckoning him over.

“This is the boy I was telling you about; he and his friends did the amazing prank last night!” He says. “I don’t think I ever got anything more than your surname when Professor McGonagall shouted it.” He jokes.

“Remus. Remus Lupin.” He says, taking the offered seat.

“Well, pleasure to meet you, Remus Lupin. I’m Michael Wood, this is Anthony Chapman, and Lucas Day.”

“Hi.” Remus says, waving.

“Did you really do that prank?” Anthony asks, Remus nods. “But you’re all a bunch of first years!”

“We’re dedicated to creating mischief.” Remus says, smiling, making the other three laugh.

“That’s brilliant!” Lucas says, laughing.

“I think if I wasn’t captain of the Quidditch team I would like to do a few pranks, I’m just too scared of getting detention on a practice night.” Michael says.

“You play Quidditch?” Remus asks, remembering how obsessed James is.

“Yeah, do you want to play next year?” He asks, munching on a piece of toast.

“No, not me, one of my friends does, though. Obsessed with it, he is.” Remus says, smiling fondly.

“Well, have him try out next year, I’ll see how well he is.” Michael says, smiling back at him.

Remus’s ears perk up at he hears the Great Hall’s doors swing open, and hearing familiar laughter, he looks up, and smiles at his friends.

“Are those your friends?” Remus nods. “Well, don’t let us keep you, your fellow pranksters are waiting.” Michael says, clapping him on the back, and letting him go.

Remus rubs at his sore shoulder, still feeling that calloused hand on his skin as he jogs over to meet his friends.

“Who were you talking to?” Sirius asks him, as they all sit down to breakfast.

“A guy I sat next to last night, he wanted to introduce me to his friends. And James, he’s the Gryffindor’s Quidditch Captain!”

“What? Really? Do you think he’ll let me try out next year?!” James asks, almost giddy with excitement.

“Yeah, I reckon he might.” Remus says, smiling.

James fist pumps the air, happy, because the team’s seeker is a seventh year, and James wants to be a seeker.

Remus was exhausted by the end of the day, and not in a good way. Several Slytherins had targeted him and his friends that day, using several hexes or jinxes on them, some that probably weren’t even allowed in Hogwarts.

By the time they all trudged to Professor McGonagall’s office, Remus was convinced he would fall asleep before their detention was over.

“I still think this is completely unfair!” Sirius says, indignantly.

“Well, we did cover them in slime…” Peter says.

Sirius grumbles something that sounds like he was mocking Peter.

“Come in, gentleman.” McGonagall says, opening the door, and have them sit at a table with four seats, and a large pile of paper, with several quills and ink pots. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

By the end of the night, Remus couldn’t feel his wrist, and his friends weren’t far off.

Sirius groans, falling face first into his matrass. “If I ever have to write one more letter, I’ll jump out of the Astronomy tower!”

Remus huffs a laugh, rolling over in bed, not even bothering with changing into pajamas, he’s just too tired.

“Good luck with that, mate.” James says, with a yawn, placing his glasses on the bed side table.

Remus lays awake listening to the calming sound of his friends breathing, and realizes something strange. He’s comfortable around these three. Not comfortable enough to change in the dorm like Sirius and James; but comfortable enough to almost be himself around them. Not fully, but almost.

Remus rolls over, and falls into an easy sleep, with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!! Thank you to anyone who read/followed/gave me kudos!!! It means a lot!!
> 
> Thanks again!
> 
> ~Elliott


	5. Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing!! J.K Rowling owns the characters and wizarding world! And Christina Perri owns the chapter title, and the lyrics at the begging!
> 
> Also, part of this chapter is in Sirius's P.O.V, so that's different ?? xD
> 
> I hope you like it!

_But I’m only human_  
_And I bleed when I fall down_  
_I’m only human_  
_And I crash and I break down_  
_Your words in my head, knives in my heart_  
_You build me up and then I fall apart_  
_'Cause I’m only human_

Christmas is quickly approaching, bringing with it snow and frosty mornings filled with chilly fingers and toes. But also big, warm sweaters. If Remus wasn’t afraid of being judged for it, he might have layered a cardigan over his sweater.

“Please note that if you wish to go home for Christmas Holiday, you must sign up before the end of the week. This is your final warning.” Professor McGonagall warns them one morning, a week and a half until Christmas.

“I’ve already signed, how about you lads?” James asks, passing Remus a mug of hot cocoa, who grins, appreciatively.

“Yeah, about a week ago.” Peter says. Remus nods, taking a sip of his drink.

“What about you, Sirius?” James asks.

“What? Oh, no. I’m, er, staying here from Christmas.” Sirius says, awkwardly.

“What? Why?” James asks, almost spitting scrambled eggs across the table.

“Well, I just thought, you know, there’s no reason to go home for Christmas… It isn’t like they want me there, or something… And, I might as well make some progress searching for secret passages.” He says, trying to put a cheery spin on his confession.

“Sirius… Why don’t you want to go home?” James asks, cautiously.

“Well, my family isn’t the most cheerful lot.” Sirius says, trying to crack a joke.

Remus has always wondered if maybe Sirius’s life at home wasn’t always as… Happy as he tried to lead on. Maybe his parents weren’t as good as he tried to pass them off for. Remus can see that Sirius is dying for some love from a parent figure, and his heart shatters when he remembers what his father mentions about the Blacks. He told Remus’s mother when he thought Remus was outside, that they had been caught using unforgivable curses on innocent people in their family, and Remus wonders if one of said family members was Sirius. He hopes not… Remus would have offered him a place at his house for Christmas, if Christmas eve wasn’t a full moon. He has no explanation for disappearing, then. His mother is already there.

“Don’t look at me like that! I want you lot to go home and have a festive holiday! As festive as you can manage! I’ll be fine here; maybe even plan some new pranks while I look for passage ways.” Sirius says, with a wide smile, though Remus can easily see through it.

But… The prospect of being home was too good that he didn’t even think twice when he signed to go home. And his wolf was almost ecstatic, and he has to agree. He can’t wait to be home, too. He’s missed his parents loads! And transforming in the Shrieking Shack hasn’t been easy, even though he had three months to mark it. It isn’t home, at least not yet, so his wolf doesn’t like it. Feels trapped, so he’s been decorating Remus’s body with many new scars. Remus missed a day of school last month, seeing as he lost so much blood, he was delirious for an entire day, not lucid enough to leave bed.

Later that week, they began packing. They didn’t know how they accumulated so many things in less than four months, but their trunks were near bulging once they finished packing.

“I can’t wait for Christmas!” Peter says, sitting on top of James’ bloated trunk with Remus, while James tries to get it closed.

“Did you know Snivellus is staying for Christmas, too?” James asks, finally sealing the latch on his trunk.

“No.” Sirius groans. “Great.”

“Try to have a good Christmas, okay? Don’t focus on Snape.” Remus says, coming to sit next to Sirius.

“I’ll try. But if he does something to annoy me, I can’t promise I’ll keep trying.” Sirius says, cheekily.

Remus nudges him with his shoulder, laughing. “Alright, alright.”

Sirius comes with them to the Hogsmeade station to see them off.

“Oh! Remus, I forgot to give this back! I finished it last night.” Sirius says, handing Remus his copy of Treasure Island.

“Did you enjoy it?” Remus asks, smiling tiredly. The moon was close to being full, making his body feel old, and stiff at all hours.

“Yes! It was the best book I have ever read!”

“I’m glad!” Remus says, pulling Sirius into one last hug, and they all quickly exchange presents before boarding the train. Sirius stands next to McGonagall, smiling and waving. The three of them wave, too, until he gets too small, then they go to find a compartment.

The train ride back was long, though, Remus doesn’t remember much. He fell asleep shortly after the Trolley Lady stopped at their compartment. Peter and James don’t seem to mind, James doesn’t even shove his head off of his shoulder when Remus droops over, falling against him, he just smiles fondly.

“Remus… Remus wake up! We’re here!” James says, shaking his shoulder some time later.

Remus opens his eyes slowly, and sits up, nodding. “Okay…” He stretches slightly, his shirt rides up on his hips and stomach, showing many scars, some way too pink to be old, James notes, but subtly shakes his head as Peter opens his mouth. James makes mental note to write to Sirius about the scars he saw; the three of them have become increasingly worried for Remus, seeing as each time he goes to his supposed visits to his sick mother, he comes back with new scars. Sirius claims they would know if he was being abused at home. James doesn’t know. But he supposes he will meet Remus’s parents at the platform, and can get their impression, he also promised to tell Sirius about them, too.

“Come on, lads, let’s get going.” James says, taking Peter’s trunk from the rack above them for him.

Remus drags his trunk behind him, though his shoulders and back protest, as all the students file off of the train. Remus spends a minute looking for his parents, Peter sees his parents first, and wishes them a happy Christmas, and runs off to see his family, as James and Remus scan the crowd before they spot them standing next to each other.

“Mum! Dad!” James says, practically flinging himself at them. They laugh, hugging their son, as he talks rapidly, about Hogwarts.

Remus turns away, and looks at his parents, and immediately he feels ten times calmer, just being near the calming scent of his parents. His Pack. He smiles, and rushes forward, hugging them, and burying his face in his mother’s neck.

“We’ve missed you, Remus.” She breathes, pulling back and looking at him, frowning, as she traces the new scars with her thumb.

James and his parents walk over and introduce themselves. “Hello.” Remus’s father says, extending a hand. “I’m Lyell Lupin, and this is my wife, Hope.”

“Harold Potter, and my wife, Barbara. My son James talks a lot of your son in his letters. This must be Remus.” He says, extending a hand to Remus, too

Remus takes it, hesitantly, but smiles nonetheless. “Remus talks a lot about James, too.” Remus’s mother says.

They talk for a few minutes, and Remus can feel James’ mother’s eyes on him several times, and when he looks at her from the corner of his eye, he sees her face filled with concern, before they all depart, as Remus’s father has to go back into work in an hour.

“But tomorrow is Christmas eve…” Remus says, brow furrowing.

“I know, but You-Know-Who attacked three towns last night, and the Ministry doesn’t have enough Aurors to cover everything, and they need help Obliviating the minds of the muggles who witnessed too much.” Lyell says, as they go the parking lot, where Hope’s car is. Remus’s dad must have learned how to drive since Remus left, because he gets in the driver’s side, and Hope in shot gun.

Remus puts his trunk in the back of the car, and sits in the back seat, buckling himself in.

“Did you enjoy your classes at Hogwarts?” Hope asks, face smiling openly, as she twists around to face him.

“Yes. I’m learning so much!” He says, beaming.

“That’s great, son.” Lyell says, smiling at him through the rearview mirror.

“Remus…” His mother starts. “How have transformations been going?”

He looks down at his hands; he was hoping this conversation could wait. “I don’t know… As well as you could hope, I guess…”

“Remus, I know something is wrong. You have so many new scars.” She says, frowning. “Don’t lie to us, sweetheart.” She says, reaching back for his hand, and squeezing it tightly.

He tries to swallow around the lump in his throat. He can’t lie to them. They know him too well. He feels his eyes sting, and he tries to talk with a steady voice, but it wobbles.

“N-not good… It’s hard… The wolf keeps hurting me. It doesn’t like the shack.” Remus says, wiping roughly at his face, angry as he can’t stop himself from crying. He hasn’t cried for years around them. “It hurts.” He sobs, thin frame shaking. “I d-don’t want t-to do this anymore.” He whimpers.

“Lyell, pull over.” Hope whispers, and is already unbuckling, and opening her door, as he pulls to the side of the road, frowning in concern. She walks over his side of the car, and opens the door, and pulls in him into her arms, as he cries harder, she rubs his back soothingly. “What is wrong, my sweet boy?” She whispers softly into his hair, as she rocks him back and forth.

“I don’t like lying to my friends… What i-if they find out?” He sobs even harder, if possible. “T-They’ll h-h-hate me.”

“No. No, sweetheart. No they won’t.”

“Yes t-they will! I-I’m a m-monster!”

“They sound like good boys, Remus. And no more of this monster nonsense! You’re the best thing that ever happened to us.” His father says, running his hand soothingly through Remus’s hair. The action is so familiar it helps to calm him down. He breathes in the scent of them, and feels himself calm further. “They won’t hate you.”

“You don’t know that…” He whispers.

“Then, if they don’t accept you, they were never meant to be your friends.” His mother says, kissing the side of his head.

He burrows further into her neck, as his sobs calm, and his shaking stops. “‘m sorry…” He mumbles, sleepily.

His mother doesn’t stop rubbing his back. “Don’t be, sweetheart. You had every right to be scared. You never deserved this. Never deserved to live this life, because some deranged man took his rage out on a small boy. But we will never stop loving you. Never. You’re so brave. Our brave, brave boy.” She says, kissing his head.

His father starts the car up again, but his mother stays in the back with him, holding him the whole way home.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Sirius sits at lunch by himself, most of the Gryffindors have gone home, and the ones who haven’t pay him no attention. He sighs, abandoning his food in search of something to do.

He walks down the deserted hallways, and runs into Dumbledore, most likely on the way to lunch, himself.

“Headmaster.” Sirius says, smiling.

“Mr. Black. What might you be up to? I though you would have gone home.”

“Nah, not really ready to face the family yet.” He says, looking down.

“Ah yes, they took your sorting badly, I presume?”

“Yeah, a howler every month, and three angry letters a week…” He says, not really knowing why he’s admitting all of this to Dumbledore, but it feels good to get it off of his chest.

“Well, I hope you have a good holiday, Mr. Black. And if you should go to the third floor, and see a statue of a hump-backed witch, just give her a tap and say Dissendium.” He says, smiling at him, eyes alight with mischief. “But you didn’t hear this from me.” He gives Sirius a wink, and begins to walk away.

Sirius smiles back, though slightly confused, but heads to the third floor, anyway. James left him the cloak, in case he needed to cause any mayhem, and didn’t want to get caught. Sirius pulls it over his head, not wanting any questions about what he was doing, and heads to the third floor in search of the statue Dumbledore mentioned.

It takes him fifteen minutes to find the statue, and when he does, he hesitates. What will happen when he does this? It can’t be bad if Dumbledore told him to do it… So, he takes out his wand, puts the invisibility cloak away, and walks up to the statue. He taps the witch’s head, and whispers the spell, and suddenly, the witch opens up, and a tunnel is inside of her! Sirius smiles. He knew there were secret passages! He climbs inside, and is immediately sent down a slide.

His eyes widen once he gets to the bottom, and sees he’s inside of a cellar. “Lumos.” Sirius whispers, looking around. He’s inside a candy store cellar! Could he actually be inside Hogsmeade…?

He quickly threw on the invisibility cloak, and walked over to a staircase, and climbed up, up, up, for several minutes, until he hit his head on the cellar door. He hissed in pain, but quickly, and as quietly as he could, he pushed the door open, and climbed out, replacing the door. He looks around, and sees light coming from an open door, and rushes over to it, whispering “Nox.” Distinguishing the light.

He walks outside the room, and his eyes are immediately assaulted with a bright, warm light and the inside of Honeydukes.

He grins, already knowing where he is, since he’s been here twice before with his parents. He slips the cloak off, and stuffs it back inside of his bag, and goes to check out the shop.

It’s packed with many wizard families doing some last minute Christmas shopping. Sirius chooses a few chocolate frogs, and sugar quills, enough to share with his friends once they return… In two weeks… He shakes his head, and walks up to the counter.

The woman looks at him for a second. “Are you a Hogwarts student?” She asks, suspiciously.

“No, I’m here with my parents. They’re just outside.” He says, smiling.

She smiles back, nodding, and rings him up. He pays, and walks outside into the cool, windy air, and looks around.

It’s snowing quite heavily, and there are carolers singing Christmas songs, and families walking around smiling, and horse and carriages.

His smile grows as he walks over to the three broomsticks, and orders a butterbeer, and sits at one of the tables, looking around at all the people, there are so many people, they all look to be having a great time, one in particular, is a family with two boys, and a mother and father, all sitting at a table, parents with a fire whiskey, and the kids with butterbeers, and they seem to be having a lovely time, laughing at something the older boy said, heads thrown back, and faces filled with glee, and Sirius feels his chest warm, even though he will never have a family like that. He may lie to James and the others about how his family loves him, but the truth is, he is too much of an outsider; a black sheep, in a sense. That forces a laugh out of him. He shakes his head. He has Regulus, and that’s enough for him.

He writes Sirius at least twice a month, and Sirius hopes, even though it’s dumb, that maybe, just maybe, Regulus will follow him, and be sorted into Gryffindor next year. But he knows that it won’t happen; Regulus is too much like his family. Too much how his family wished he was.

He wishes one of his friends were here with him. He wishes he had someone to share his adventure with. He finishes his butterbeer, and walks outside into the freezing weather, and pulls the invisibility cloak on behind the Three Broomsticks, and waits outside Honeydukes for someone to walk in, so he can tail them. Once he’s inside, he hurries into the back room, and lifts the hatch, and walks down a few steps, replacing it, and hurries down the rest of the way, all the time trying to decide how he is going to get back up the slide. He supposes he’ll have to climb.

He pulls the cloak off once more, and begins the long, tiring job of climbing back up the slide. He slips a few times, and sliding back down, once he even tears the knee of his pants, hurting it. By the time he reaches the top, his limbs are shaking, and he’s sweating. The cool air of the corridor sooths his warm face, as he watches the tunnel close itself off, he thinks there must be another way out that is easier to get back from…

He hears footsteps, and hides behind the statue on the dusty floor, not wanting to have to answer any questions about why he’s sweating furiously, is covered in dust, and dirt, and why his knee is cut.

He sees Snape looking around, and wonders why he is here of all places, when he knows the Slyhterin common room is in the dungeons.

Snape looks around suspiciously, eyes roving the corridor, and lands on the statue. For a second Sirius thinks he sees him crouching behind the statue, but his eyes move on, and he begins down the corridor, looking for something, or someone.

Sirius pulls the cloak on again, hoping for the last time, and hurries back to the Gryffindor common room, saying the password quickly, “Baubles.” Much to the Fat Lady’s confusion, because she can’t see him, but she opens up anyway.

Sirius runs up the stairs to the dormitory, and dumps his treats out on his bed spread, looking for spare bits of parchment he knows are in the bag. He cries out triumphantly, and runs over to where he knows Remus keeps his quills, and pulls some ink out with it, intent on telling James everything. He then copies everything down twice, to tell Remus and Peter, then he rushes back out of the dorms, to the owlery, and puts the notes on three separate owls, and just stands there, watching them fly off.

“Well, well. It seems like you’re so desperate, you can’t even spend a whole day on your own, Black.” Snape says, smirking, leaning against the door of the owlery.

“What, Snivellus, all of your death eater pals left so you’ve taken to stalking? I must say, mate, that’s a little creepy.” Sirius says, glaring.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Black.” Snape says, glowering.

“I would hex you, but I’m feeling kind today. Consider it your Christmas gift, Snivelly.” Sirius sneers at Snape, and shoves past him, down to the Great Hall for dinner.

\------------------------------------------

Remus groans, even being home barely lessens the pain of the oncoming transformation. He tries his best to hide it from his parents, though he can tell they know. The furtive glances to each other, trying to offer him pain draughts, and he could hear them that night, talking about him after he went up to bed.

He didn’t really go, even though the thought of sleeping in his bed, he sat at the top of the stairs, listening.

“Lyell, what are we going to do? He’s getting older, and doesn’t want to share things with us… He thinks he’s a burden.” Hope whispers in a pained voice.

“I know, Hope… But there isn’t much we can do… If he doesn’t want to share, we can’t force him.” His dad murmurs so quietly, if Remus didn’t have his wolf hearing, he doubts he would have heard.

“But bottling it up can’t be good for him, either!” She says, growing more upset by the second.

Remus feels terrible. By trying to spare them, all he’s done is make everything worse! He doesn’t know what to do. Should he talk to them, even when he sees it hurts them to know what happens every month, or does he shut up about it, keep it to himself, and disappoint and worry them? What should he do?

“No, it won’t help anything… But he’ll come to us when he’s ready.”

Hope lets out a huff of a breath, and he can practically see her nodding her head, conceding defeat.

Remus stands quietly, and walks to his room, laying down in his bed, feeling his muscles loosen, being engulfed in his own, familiar scent. The scent of home. Of comfort.

The next night, his skin basically screams, being so tender his clothes feel like sand paper on his skin, grating against it; like it’s rubbing it raw.

Hope walks him down to the cellar, his father had to leave for the ministry before dinner, Voldemort having let his Death Eaters attacked a group of muggles, and Lyell had to help with the after math.

His mother cups his face, smiling sadly. “My sweet, brave boy…” She whispers, kissing the top of his head, before standing once more, going up the steps, to join his grandparents, -his father’s parents- who promised to stay with them, to help with his transformation, putting the charms up, so he won’t escape, and because Voldemort is becoming more and more vicious towards muggles, especially ones married to wizards, saying that they want to steal magic from wizards and witches, they’re offering to help protect Hope, too.

“We’ll see you soon, Remus.” His grandfather says, smiling sadly, closing the cellar door, immediately engulfing Remus in darkness.

Remus whimpers, feeling his bones begin to shift, his teeth growing, and skin shifting.

He removes his robe he wore instead of clothes, and hid it behind a thick, wooden wardrobe.

His knees give way, and he falls down, and cries out, as fur grows from his body, bone cracking, and remodeling into his wolf’s form, brittle cracks sounding around him, and his mind goes somewhere else, like it does every month his body and mind being taken over by his wolf.

Remus isn’t sure what time it is when he comes back to himself, all he knows is a dull pain in his ribs, and across one cheek, and his left hand. He sits and looks at his wounds, seeing that it is actually better than it has been for the past three months, he doesn’t think he’ll be on bed-rest today, which makes him happy, because today is Christmas! He doesn’t want to be stuck in bed toda, he wants to be with his family.

He stands on unsteady legs, and makes his way to the wooden wardrobe, and takes his robe out with unsteady hands, and puts it on.

The cellar door opens, and his grandfather comes down, a bag filled with healing Potions, and bandages. “Hey.” He whispers, eyes kind.

“Hey…” Remus says, but his voice cracks, throat raw... He wonders if he howled a lot last night…

“Come here, lad. Let’s get you healed before you see your mum.” He says, softly, patting the hard steps of the cellar.

Remus sits next to him, and looks up at his grandfather, who lifts his wand up, and murmurs an incantation, and the cut across his cheek heals. “That wasn’t so bad, I don’t even think it’ll scar.” He says, optimistically, as Remus pulls his bony shoulders out of his robe, letting it pool in his lap, as his grandfather looks at his ribs, which were bruised badly. “Oh, I think these may be cracked…” He murmurs, lightly prodding them, prompting a whimper from Remus, who clutches his side protectively. “Sorry, sorry… Let me just…” he says another spell, and Remus winces, feeling his bones knit back together. “That better? Good, let’s have a look at that hand.” He says, taking it in his own to hands, and turns it over, and frowns at the deep incisions on both sides. “How did you manage this?” He asks.

Remus shrugs. “I don’t remember…” He whispers, feeling rather fragile at the moment.

“It’s okay, Remus.” He says, running a comforting hand through Remus’s thick, chocolate colored hair. “This may hurt more than the others, I think there might be minor breakage in your hand, along with these deep cuts, and… It will probably scar… I’m sorry, Remus.”

Remus just nods, looking away, rapidly blinking tears out of his eyes. “It’s okay…” He whispers, thickly.

Remus feels his bones fix themselves, along with his skin, and can’t stop the small sob that breaks free. He feels a warm hand rub his back. He has to try really hard to compose himself. He almost wishes he didn’t make it this time…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how'd I do? xD 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/gave me kudos!! It means a lot! And a big thank you to Christine one here for pointing out where I messed up a few lines xD Thanks again!! <3
> 
> I hope you liked it! 
> 
> ~Elliott


	6. Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! J.K Rowling owns the characters and wizarding world!! And the chapter title and lyrics at the beginning of the chapter belong to P!NK
> 
> Hey, so, um... I'm sorry it's been like three weeks since I've last updated, school and my life have been really stressful lately. But, I promise I wasn't idle! This is my longest chapter yet! Also, just so you know, I've had to make up a few things. To say something without spoilers, J.K Rowling didn't give enough details, so I made up my own? You'll understand once you read XD

_Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame_  
_Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned_  
_But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die_  
_You gotta get up and try, and try, and try_  
_Gotta get up and try, and try, and try_  
_You gotta get up and try, and try, and try_

 

Remus sleeps for a few hours, his sleep remains, mercifully, dreamless. He’s pretty sore when he gets up, but nothing he hasn’t dealt with before; his mother seems close to tears when he points out, and he feels like a jerk for saying that, so he tries to stay quiet the rest of the afternoon.

His father is still gone when he gets up, so they decide to save present for when he gets home. He wants to help prepare the big Christmas dinner, but his mother and grandmother shoo him out of the kitchen. “You’re hurt, Remus, please stay off your feet.” His mum says, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, as he rejoins his grandfather for another round of Wizard Chess. Remus is happy for the distraction.

“So, I’ve heard you are friends with the Potter and Black boys.” His grandfather says, moving his rook, and looking up at him from below his eyelashes.

“Yeah, and Peter Pettigrew.” He says, his bishop taking out his grandfather’s knight.

“Are they nice lads?”

“The best.” He says, a big smile on his face, even if the small cut on his lip twinges as it’s pulled. “They asked me to be friends. I never thought that someone would want to be friends with me.”

“I’m glad you’ve found some friends. And anyone who doesn’t want to be your friend is obviously loopy.” His grandfather says, sending his own bishop after Remus’ queen, which is just what Remus wanted, as it leaves his king out in the open for Remus’ rook.

“Check mate!” He says, grinning.

“Oh, is that so? Well, congratulations!” He says, patting Remus on the back. Remus can beat almost anyone, except his father. He’s made that his personal mission.

A little while later, Remus is sat in an over-stuffed chair, covered in a quilt, with his copy of Treasure Island. He can’t remember how many times he’s read it. He can nearly recite every word, something James thought was hilarious, making him quote parts at random, just to see if he could.

There was a slight pop from outside, and suddenly the door opens, and his dad walks in, brushing snow from his coat and hair, stomping his boots, and taking his coat off. “Something smells good in here!” He calls out, alerting his mum and grandparents who didn’t hear him come in.

“Lyell!” His mum calls, walking into the living room, and pulls him into a kiss, then brushes snow off of his hair, too. “Come, I made some hot cider, it should help you warm up.” She says, dragging him into the kitchen, and Remus smiles, going back to his book, pulling the blankets tighter around his shoulders, fighting a violent shudder that runs up his spine, even though the door was barely open.

His father comes out with two large mugs of tea, and a lipstick mark on his cheek. “Dad, you’ve got lipstick right there.” Remus says, pointing to his cheek, and accepts his mug of tea, gratefully.

“What? Oh.” He says, wiping the mark off, and sitting on the couch next to Remus’s chair. “How was… Last night?”

“Better than they have been, actually.” Remus says, taking a sip of tea.

“Good, that’s good.” His father says, though he seems far away, like his mind isn’t with his body. Remus wonders what’s on his mind… Most likely work.

“Dad? What is it?” Remus asks, cautiously.

“It’s just… The ministry has changed their laws, a lot of them, recently. They… If you’re a werewolf, you have to Register when you’re eleven, instead of seventeen, now…”

Remus feels sick… He doesn’t want to have to go to the ministry, and have them view him as an animal… He doesn’t want to have to go into the ministry’s Beast division.

“W-when do I have to go?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper.

“I made an appointment for tomorrow. Hopefully most people will be on holidays, so there isn’t going to be much trouble. I’m sorry, Remus.” His father says, taking his hand, and squeezing it.

Remus shakes his head. “Just… Why did it change all of a sudden?” That’s all Remus wants to know. Why now, of all times?

“You know… Fenrir?” Remus nods. “He attacked two muggle children last week… They don’t want to make the same mistake…”

Two muggle children… Who could do something like that? But Remus already knows the answer: Fenrir Greyback. The disturbing man has a disgusting appetite for children. Most of his attacks are on children. Remus should know; he was one of his victims.

“Okay… It’s okay dad. I’m okay.” He says, giving, what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Sirius sits up in his bed, blinking for a few minutes, then grins to himself a little, looking at his small pile of presents. He gathers them up on his bed, and opens the one from James first. It’s a box of Dung Bombs, and two chocolate frogs. He grins, realizing he got James pretty much the same thing; a box of Dung Bombs, and a box of Bertie Bot’s Every Flavor Beans.

Peter gave him a box of Fizzing Whizzbees, and Sirius gave Peter a box of Cauldron Cakes.

Next, he opens his present from Remus. He isn’t surprised when it turns out to be a book. It’s a book of Charms that would be useful for pranks. Sirius grins, he got Remus a bar of Honeydukes chocolate after he found out how much Remus loves chocolate. He is slightly relieved that Remus wasn’t here, because he knows he would protest giving him something that fancy. Sirius doesn’t really care; he enjoys spending his parent’s money. It’s a hobby, and one of the only ways he’s able to get back at them.

From his brother, he got a stuffed lion. Sirius laughs, knowing his brother doesn’t completely hate him for getting sorted into Gryffindor.

His parents send him a book about the history of Salazar Slytherin. He’ll remind himself to burn that later.

Sirius dresses quickly, and heads down to breakfast, knowing something great will be prepared. He was right. The house elves had made eggs, bacon, scones, tarts, oat meal, muffins, and this was only what was in front of him.

A lone owl flutters though the open door, and lands on the side of the table, next to Sirius. Sirius accepts the letter, giving the owl a bit of bacon, though he isn’t so sure it’s okay for owls to eat that.

He opens the letter, and a grin breaks out on his face.

Dear Sirius:

That’s amazing, mate! Did Professor Dumbledore actually give you the location of the secret passage? That’s pretty bold of him, seeing as if anyone figures out a first year is getting out of the castle, and into Hogsmeade because of him, he’d most likely be sacked in a day!

I hope you’re have a good Christmas. I am. My parents got me a broom stick! They say I’m not allowed to bring it back to Hogwarts, but next year, I’ll have my own broom for tryouts!

Remus’s parents are completely fine, his mum was fussing over him, she seemed concerned about his scars, too. She also didn’t seem very ill at all. I don’t think Remus is telling us the full truth about where he goes every month…

I hope the rest of your holidays are great. Cause some mischief for us!

James.

Sirius folded his letter up, ignoring the Slytherins that jeered at him.

“Writing to your boyfriend, Black?”

“I always knew you’d end up a queer!”

Sirius held his head high as he left the Great Hall.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus felt drained for the rest of the day. The Full Moon, coupled with the news that he’d need to Register as a werewolf… He couldn’t take them both…

He barely ate dinner, even with his parent’s worried glances. And when it was time for presents, he felt so relieved he could cry; after presents, he could go to bed. His grandparents left after dinner, wishing them all a happy Christmas, and saying they’ll be back for New Years.

He got his parents each a picture he took of them, and had it framed, so that they could each have a copy; his dad’s at the ministry, and his mom’s in her bookshop.

They both hugged him, and thanked him. “Oh Remus, this is so sweet of you.” His mother says, placing a kiss on his forehead.

Remus’s friends got him chocolate… A lot of chocolate. His parents laugh. “It seems they know you well enough to realize your obsession.” His father teases, ruffling his hair.

Remus laughs with him, and shortly after, he excuses himself for bed. He undresses as carefully as he can, mindful of his raw skin; it always feels hypersensitive after a transformation. He’s almost at the end of Treasure Island, when a soft tapping sounds at his window. Remus’s head jerks upwards, and he sees an owl outside his window, a letter tied to her ankle.

Remus gingerly stands, then hobbles over to his window, and unlatches it. The owl hops in, and flies to his dresser, her leg stuck out in offering. Remus unties the parchment, and smiles widely, seeing the letter is from Sirius. He pets the owl, and offers her some water from his glass on his bedside table, then goes back to his bed to read, as she flies over to his bed, obviously waiting to take his reply back.

Remus carefully unrolls the letter, and sees the elegant handwriting, and can’t help but find himself slightly jealous, remembering his awful handwriting that seems to physically pain his mother. He reads, smile adorning his scarred face.

 

Dear Remus:

You’ll never believe what just happened! I was walking back from lunch, when I passed Dumbledore in the corridors, and we had a normal conversation, when he told me something odd… He told me to look for a statue of a witch with a humped back, and to say this spell… So, I did what any smart person would do. I went to look for the statue! When I found it, I said the spell, and she opened up! It was bloody brilliant! She had a secret passage in her back! A slide that lead to the storage cellar for Honeydukes.

I spent the afternoon in Hogsmeade, and it was great! I knew there were secret passages in this castle! It's too old and interesting not to have them! I can’t wait for you three to return, then we can scope out the entire castle!

I hope you enjoy your holidays! Happy Christmas!

Sirius

Remus smiles, and rereads the letter, before quickly writing back, thanking Sirius for his -too- nice Christmas gift, and wishing him a happy holiday, too, before tying it to the owl, and heading to bed. Completely wiped out, and not looking forward to the next morning.

Remus’s mum wakes him up at six o-clock sharp, saying he needs to get showered, while she irons his best clothes. Remus nods, grumbling the entire way to the shower. The water burns his sensitive, raw skin, making him hiss, and grimace the entire time- though, he admits it feels better now that he’s clean.

He can barely force down any breakfast, before he’s rushed out the door, having to run to keep up with his father.

He isn’t ready for this. He feels feint, and sick, his legs feel like jelly, and all he wants to do is go back to bed, and deal with this later. But he knows he can’t, and he must remain strong for his parents. He knows if he tries to avoid this, his parents could be jailed, and he would be forced to register, anyway, and would probably be removed from Hogwarts.  
The pale morning sky does little to brighten his mood, and the fog dampens his clothing, making him shiver. He knows he’ll come down with a cold if he doesn’t get out of the chilly air, soon.

The walk to the ministry isn’t that far, but it still is quite taxing on Remus; he’s sweating, panting, and a few of his cuts have opened up. He’s slightly dazed, as his father and him enter the Ministry, though, he cannot help but admire how beautiful the structure is, how, even when empty, the floo grates are still slightly smoky. But, the one thing he doesn’t agree with, is the statue in the middle of it all. It has a wizard and witch, standing tall and proud, with their wands raised high. And around them grouped three other statues; a centaur, balanced on its hind legs, arms poised, ready to release its arrow, a house elf dressed in a shabby tea towel, and a goblin, all three were gazing upon the witch and wizard, as if they hadn’t wronged the magical creatures, as if the two gave them freedom, and not the opposite, for some creatures.

Remus’ bad mood deepened, as he followed his father to an elevator, and he watched to barely full lobby disappear, as the two of the descended to the fourth level of the Ministry, to where the registry was.

“Don’t be nervous, son. Don’t let them see your fear, it only makes them stronger.” His father tells him, grasping Remus’ shoulder.

Remus nods, feeling his heart in his throat as the elevator arrives at the correct floor, but he swallows the lump in his throat, straightens his shoulders, and hides the fear on his face, and follows his father out, and down a hallway, and through a heavy, creaking oak door, where a young, bored looking wizard sits.

“Which of you is here for registration?” He asks.

“My son.” His father says, giving Remus a small push toward the desk.

The man at the desk gets a frown on his face, eyebrows bunching forward in concern, but they soon soften, and he gets a look of pity on his face. “Hey, mate. Can I have your full name?” He asks, voice kind.

“R-Remus John Lupin.” He stutters out, legs beginning to quake slightly.

“Okay, good. Now, when’s your birthday, and when were you bit?” the man behind the desk asks.

“March tenth nineteen-sixty, and… July seventh, nineteen-sixty-five.”

The man looks even more troubled, as he writes down the information. “W-was the man who bit you… Was he Fenrir Greyback?” The man barely gets out. Remus can only nod. “Th-that… Beast, he bit my niece. She barely made it. She’s only seven…” His voice cracks.

“I’m sorry…” Remus says, not sure if he means it being she was bitten, or that she survived; no one should have to go through the pain of transforming every month, through the conflict, the stress for her parents and family... All of it, maybe.

“You’re a brave lad, Remus. It’s right through that door there.” He says, walking from behind the desk, and directing them to a door on the left. The handle is made from silver, and Remus very nearly touches it, before wrenching his hand back, and backing into his father. “It’s okay, Remus. Let me.” His father says, opening the door. Through there, Remus sees a metal table like he saw at Mungo’s the one time he was too damaged for his father to handle after a full moon.

There’s a kind enough looking woman. “Hello there, I’m Jane Davis.” She says, talking down to him, like you would to a small child, or an animal… “Is he the one here to see me?” She asks Remus’s father.

“Yeah, yeah, Remus is here to be registered…” Lyell says, raking a hand down his face.

“Alright, then I’m going to have to ask dad to leave. Is that okay, Remus?” She asks, voice sickly sweet.

Remus panics, eyes widening in fear, as he whips around to his father. “Dad?”

“No, Remus. She’s right… Remember what I told you, okay?” He asks, kneeling in front of Remus.

Remus nods, but feels his lower lip begin to tremble a little, and his throat close on itself a little.

“Good, good. Just wait outside, alight? This won’t take long.” She says, smiling. She guides Remus over to the cold, metal table, and he climbs up, and the chill seeps through his pants. “I’ll be right back, wolfy.” She says, smirking.

Remus freezes, and he suddenly feels like crying even more, after the kind concern from the man before, this woman seems to just mock him. The room she works in, it radiates pain and grief. It laughs down at him, and his curse.

When the woman returns, she has this weird looking machine, and a vial. “I’m going to take a blood sample.” She barely gets this out, before she cuts him, and magically gathers his blood, and places it into the vial.

“W-what is that?” He asks, pointing to the machine she brought out. It was handheld, and had a bunch of buttons, but that was really all Remus can see.

“It will put a mark on you, and a tracker, so we can keep track of the lot of you.” She says, voice dripping with contempt. “Bare your right arm.”

Remus rolls up his sleeve, and looks away from his pale, scar riddled arm. She huffs, and roughly grabs at it, her nails dig into his flesh, and he bites his lip, muffling his whimper of pain.

He wants to go home. He wants to be out of here, and away from this cruel, mean woman, and her scathing words.

He gasps in pain as he feels a hot prick at his wrist, he jerks his head over to look at his arm, and sees a pale, glowing brand on his wrist. He feels like a criminal, like he is a terrible being for not dying when he was attacked. He feels anxiety squeezing his lungs.

“Don’t worry. It’ll only glow during the full moon, the minister doesn’t believe in forcing anyone out of hiding, the crazy man.” She mutters the last part, and his brand already begins to fade. “You’re free to go, wolf.” She says, shoving him off of the table, and he stumble, regaining his footing.

Remus scuttles over to the door, not wanting to be here any longer than he needs to. He barely remembers to cover his hand with his sweater, before touching the silver doorknob. His dad is out there, talking to the man from before. “I’m done.” He whispers, standing near the door, shoulders ducking in on himself, trying to be smaller.

Immediately, his father is up from his seat, and over to Remus. “Hey. Hey. How’d it go?”

Remus shrugs, looking down at his feet. “Can we go?” He asks, tears burning his eyes, feeling very overwhelmed.

“I’ve heard how terrible Davis is. She doesn’t have a kind bone in her body.” The man says.

“Yeah. Yeah, come on.” His father says. “Thank you, Charlie. And if you can afford it, mix Dittany and silver together, and place them on your niece’s cuts when she transforms. They’ll heal her in half the time spells will, and almost no scarring.”

“Thanks, Lyell. I’ll see you around.” Charlie says, taking Remus file into a room behind where he sits.

“Come on, Remus,” His father says, a hand in the small of his back.

Remus nods, and follows his dad out of the room, and down a hallway, but they make a turn that Remus knows they didn’t make before. “Dad, where are we going? I thought we were going home…” Remus says, feeling exhausted, and his wrist still burns.

“I’m sorry, son. I just need to get something from my office.”

“But you told mum you didn’t have any work today.” Remus says, taking a seat at the end of his father’s desk.

“I was notified that there was a file for me to go over while you were with Davis.” His father says, picking up a piece of parchment, and sitting in his big chair. Remus knew his father was important… He was favored for his ability to catch dark creatures, and that he was working his way up to the head of his department, but Remus still wished he had more time for his mum and him…

“Would you mind staying here for a few minutes? I promise I won’t be long, I just have to run something down the hall to Barnet’s office.” His father says, rushing off, and closing the door with a heavy thud behind him.

Remus didn’t really know how to be in his father’s office. It felt like he was an intruder, or out of place in somewhere so big and important.

He fidgeted, trying not to think of the invisible brand on his wrist, because he knew if he thought too hard he’d start to pick at it, and probably get a new scar over it. The room around him is big, and dark, the walls black, and his desk is black, too. He has so much paperwork precariously stacked on tables and desks around the room.

He finds himself drifting off, when his father finally comes back. He isn’t sure how long it was, but the door bursting open rouses him.

“And what do you expect me to do?” Lyell booms, seemingly forgetting that his son is still there.

“I don’t know! What you do best! Lyell, that monster is still free! We need to capture him!” The other man shouts back.

“Don’t you think I realize that?! My son and wife are in danger, so I need to be home with them!”

“I know. I know… But, you’re the best man we have, and we are desperate.” The man pleads.

Lyell sighs, and rubs his face in his hands, something Remus knows he does when he’s stressed. “Fine… Fine. But only if you give me the best auror you have to guard my family.” He says, resigned.

“Yes, thank you! Of course. I’ll have Moody alert Kingsley Shacklebolt. Thank you.” He says, leaving.

“What was that about?” Remus asks, voice scratchy.

His father startles. “Oh! Remus, I had forgotten you were here! I’m afraid I won’t be finished here until at least tomorrow morning…”

Remus just nods, though he feels his stomach sink. “Why though?”

“It seems Greyback has been attacking muggle children even when he isn’t transformed.”

Remus feels sick. “What? As a human?”

“If you could even call him that… But, yes… As a human. But, don’t worry, he won’t come near you or your mum.”

“Is it going to be alright, though? That is what you told mum the last time, and then I was bit… What if he goes after her?” Remus asks, frantic. He doesn’t want anything to happen to his mum! She has nothing to do with this war!

“Don’t worry, Remus, you do that enough already.” His father says, trying to crack a joke. “I’ll have Shacklebolt come and get you, and he will stay with you and your mum, and I’ll even tell my parents what’s happening, they’ll stay with you, too.” He says, standing up, and bringing Remus in for a hug. Remus feels safe like this, surrounded by his father’s scent. The scent of part of his pack, of pipe weed, and freshly mowed grass, and coffee.

“Just stay here while I go get him, then you can go home. You’ve had a really long day.” He says, dragging his hand comfortingly through Remus’s chocolate colored hair.

Remus nods, and sits back down, as he is once more alone. He hasn’t ever met Kingsley Shacklebolt, but he has heard a lot about him; about how he has saved many wizards, witches, and even muggles from many dark creatures, and how he took down a troll all on his own! Remus won’t admit it, but he is kind of excited to meet the young man.

His father reenters soon after leaving, followed by a dark skinned, bald, young man.

“Kingsley, this is my son, Remus.” His father says, and Remus scrambles to stand, and extend his hand.

“It is nice to meet you, Remus.” He says, voice deep, and friendly, and his grip is firm, hands calloused.

“You too…” Remus says, smiling a little.

“Come, we should not leave your mother so vulnerable, we will leave at once.” He says, a hand on the small of Remus’s back, leading him from his father’s office.

Remus turns and waves once, before following the auror out.

“Did you really do all those things the prophet said you did?” Remus can’t help but ask.

Kingsley smiles and nods. “Yes, I did.” He says simply.

“You’re very brave for someone so young.”

“Thank you, Remus.” He says, smiling again, as he leads him out of the elevator, and to one of the floo grates.

Remus says the name of his cottage, and throws his fistful of floo powder down, and is immediately met with the uncomfortable travel of floo, tucking his elbows close to his body, Remus is spun nauseatingly round and round in the warm, green flames, until he arrives home, then he steps out quickly, and just in time, too, for Kingsley arrives moments later, brushing soot off of his deep, purple robes.

Remus is instantly calmed, being once more in his home, surrounded by familiarity, and comforting scents. But that doesn’t last long. Fenrir is attacking muggles, and while he isn’t transformed! Who would relish that? Who would find solace in being a… a BEAST? Remus is deeply troubles. He can’t imagine ever wanting to have that madness seep into his daily life more than it already has!

“Remus? Lyell? Is that you?” Hope calls from the kitchen, coming out, and seeing the other two. “Oh… Who are you? Did my husband send you?”

“I am Kingsley Shacklebolt, an auror who was chosen to protect you and your family. And, yes, but he sent this note, and I will explain further in a few minutes, right now, I think you should be with your son.” Kingsley says, handing Hope the note

Hope doesn’t read it yet, she just goes to Remus, and kneels in front of him, silently asking him how the registration went, and if he was okay. Remus nods, brushing her concern off, feeling embarrassed to be coddled so in front of Kingsley. He isn’t a baby.

“What happened, Remus?” She whispers.

“I can’t explain it as well as Mr. Shacklebolt or dad’s letter can… You should read it, and then talk to him. Grandma and Grandpa are coming by soon, too.” He says, backing away, and closing his mum’s hand over the letter.

She nods, standing up, and brushing her skirt off, and following Kingsley into the kitchen, while Remus sits on the couch, and waits for his grandparents to floo in.

He can’t help but wish he was back in Hogwarts, but then he realizes his mum and dad can’t come with him, and his mum would be mostly without protection… What could he do when he’s back in Hogwarts? He’s a stupid child, powers or no powers, he wouldn’t stoop so low as to use them like Fenrir, unless it was necessary to save the ones he loves.

He thinks about writing to Sirius and the other two, but he wrote Sirius last night, and what would he say anyway? He doesn’t want his friends to hate him. He’ll just have to wait for winter break to be through, even if it seems like ages away, and he is restless…

He really does try not to eavesdrop on the two in the kitchen, but it isn’t really something he can help. “No… No, that should not be impossible, right? He can’t turn people when it isn’t the full moon, right?” His mother sounds close to being hysteric.

“I wish we knew, Mrs. Lupin, but we cannot be sure until we get someone he bites back… Alive…” Kingsley says, delicately.

“What does that mean?” She asks, desperately.

“It means that everyone he has attacked was mauled beyond healing. They were killed by the time any healers arrived.”

“T-they weren’t children, like my Remus, were they?” She asks, voice thick with tears.

“I’m afraid that’s confidential information. We cannot disclose details to the public until further notice.” He says, voice as calm as ever. Remus finds that strange for a man who’s only twenty-one or twenty-two. Why should someone so young be put in charge of protecting so many…

“Of course. Of course you can’t. I’m sorry for asking. Thank you for being here when my husband can’t.”

“It is alright, ma’am. And if it is any consolation, Remus will not be harmed. Your husband is the most capable of catching this bastard.”

“Of course. Thank you, I know he is, I just wish he could be here.” She says, voice breaking.

Right then, Remus’s grandparents come through the floo, and stand in the living room.

“Hey, sweetheart,” His grandmother says, pulling him into a hug, after brushing the soot off. “I heard what you’ve been through. Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Really. Mum’s in the kitchen with an auror if you want to go talk to her.” He says. Now that he began eavesdrop, he can’t help but be slightly eager to continue. He wanted to hear what nobody had told him; where was this horrible monster? And what did they plan on doing about him? Would he be sent to Azkaban finally?

“Of course, dear. Come on.” She says, motioning to his grandfather, and they enter the kitchen, too.

“Emily, Michael. Thank you for being here…” They continue speaking, but Remus doesn’t think that they’ll speak openly about anything when he was so close, so Remus goes up to his room. If his mum and grandparents don’t think it’s a good idea for him to know, then he’ll have to trust them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, the werewolf registry, I had to make up my own details bc there isn't a lot on that? Haha. That, and Kingsley's age xD Also, sorry about the cliffhanger, I'll try and get back to this this week! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Please review if you did!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/favorited/left Kudos! It means a lot!
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> ~Elliott


	7. Next to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own anything! The characters and the Wizarding World all belong to J.K Rowling, and the chapter title, and the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter belong to Paradise Fears!
> 
> Hey! I'm going to try to make Monday the day I post a chapter, lets see if I can continue this!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_Throw your world down and come into me_   
_Stay next to me, right next to me_   
_All you’ve got is everything I need_   
_Stay next to me, right next to me, right next to me_   
  


Remus is shaken awake by his grandfather. “Remus, you have to get up, Shacklebolt says that something isn’t right. Come, Remus.” He says, grabbing Remus’s hand, and pulling him to his feet. Remus quickly stuffs his feet into his shoes, and rushes downstairs.

“Wha’s wrong?” Remus asks, wiping sleep from his eyes. His mum runs over, and kneels next to him.

“Remus, you and I have to go down into the cellar, Greyback has been spotted only a mile from here. We have no way to know whether he’s coming for us or not.”

He nods, and follows his mom and the other three down into the cellar, heart beating wildly in his thin chest, he wonders if they can hear it…

They’re immediately engulfed in the musty, damp cellar, moldy, thick scent making it rather difficult to breathe; Remus stands behind his mum.

“I am going to remain in the garden, just in case. No, do not worry, Mr. Lupin, I can handle the beast, it is in my training.” Kingsley says, walking back up the cellar stairs, and closing the cellar door.

Remus sits on the ground, huddled in the corner, shaking. He doesn’t want Greyback to come for him, or his mum or grandparents… Why can’t he just go away? Hasn’t he done enough damage? But of course he wouldn’t see it that way. Of course he’d want to do more damage, finish the job.

“Remus, it’s okay. They will catch him.” His mum says, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, rubbing his upper arm.

Remus just nods, averting his eyes to his feet. He just wants this all to be over. He wants to go back to bed. He’s more angry and grumpy than anything.

He doesn’t know how long they were down there, his grandparents staying watch on the stairs, and Kingsley up above, but eventually Kingsley comes down, tailed by his father, and its dark above.

“The coast is clear; you can come up again. Greyback was spotted miles from here, but there are several precautions we must take. Come on inside.” His father says, as they all follow him back inside.

“Remus, for starters, I want you to get packed up as quick as you can, we can’t have this floo connection for long.”

“What are you talking about, dad?” Remus asks, head cocked to the side.

“You’re going back to Hogwarts.” He says, with a tone that says they won’t argue on this. “It’s too dangerous. Professor Dumbledore has made all the arrangements, you will floo into McGonagall’s fireplace. Hurry, we don’t have much time.”

Remus nods, and rushes up to his room, and starts stuffing his things back into his trunk; there isn’t much that he took out, just some clothes and a few books, then he starts dragging it back downstairs. He can’t help but feel a little relieved, though he was hoping for a longer holiday with his family.

“Let me help you with that.” Kingsley says kindly, waiting outside his door, then, taking the edges of Remus’s trunk in his hands, and heaves it up, before walking it back downstairs.

“Thanks.” Remus says, smiling. Kingsley smiles back, setting his trunk on the floor in front of the fireplace.

Hope hugs Remus tightly, and his grandparents hug him next, “We’ll see you this summer, Remus.” His grandfather says. “I’ll take you fishing.” He winks at Remus.

“I’m sorry all of this happened, Remus… I’ve barely seen you at all… Hopefully all this Death Eater business will be over this summer.” His father says, pulling him into a hug.

“What about you guys? What will you do for protection?” His stomach feels uneasy, what if they do nothing, and then get attacked?

Remus’s father places a hand on his shoulder, and smiles comfortingly. “Your mum will be accompanied daily with an auror or two, they’ll be in her bookshop at all times. I’ll be at the ministry, and your grandparents are safe, he doesn’t know about them. We’ll catch him, don’t worry, son.”

Remus nods slowly, accepting the information, then picks up his trunk, and walks over to the fireplace, throwing a fistful of floo powder, he says the correct destination clearly, and is set off, in the nauseating spin of the floo network, keeping his elbows tucked tightly into his sides.

The spinning increases for a second, before it stops, and he opens his tightly closed eyes, and blinks soot out of his eyes, and sees he’s in Professor McGonagall’s office.

“Ah, Remus, I heard what was going on, I am glad your parents agreed that you would be safer here, come, be careful with the carpet, there.” She says, helping him with his trunk. “Now, follow me, please, I’ll help you up to the Gryffindor common room, you must be exhausted, yesterday was… Yes… How did it go?”

“Better than the last three, but I expected as much, the wolf doesn’t view the shack as home, yet.” Remus explains, as they each pick up a side of the trunk.

“That is good. We should be fairly question free for now; everyone is at dinner.” She explains, as they quickly step onto a moving staircase.

She says the password, and helps him through. “Now, a nice warm meal should do you some good, you’re so thin…” She muses, though, mostly to herself.

Remus nods. “Um, I’ll be down in a few minutes, I’m going to get settled again really quick.”

“Of course, of course. Take all the time you need.” She says, walking out of the common room.

Remus smiles to himself, he missed this place, even if he was gone only four days. He heaves his trunk up the stairs, and into their dorm. He places his trunk in front of his bed, before changing into a new sweater that wasn’t stained with soot. He quickly washes his face and hands, before heading back down to the Great Hall.

Several paintings wander into each other’s frames, talking amiably, and he catches Filch walking aimlessly, muttering to himself, he catches Remus’s eye, and glares, before scowling, and walking off. Remus smirks to himself, and walks faster.

He expects to receive some stares, and is prepared, bringing a book with him, as he sits near some students. He loads some dinner on his plate, really looking forward to digging in, only now realizing he hasn’t eaten since breakfast, and even then, he only ate a piece of toast.

The roast beef is mouthwatering, as is everything else. He is immersed in his dinner and book, when he hears his name, hoping its Sirius, seeing as he didn’t see him earlier when he entered, but instead he sees the boys he met the day after their Halloween prank. Michael, Lucas, and Anthony.

He smiles, as they walk over to him, and sit down. “Didn’t you go home for Christmas?” Michael asks, sitting next to him.

“Yeah, but my mum got really ill again this morning, and has to stay in St. Mungo’s, and my dad is really busy working, so they had to send me back to Hogwarts.” Remus has already decided on the lie he would tell everyone, since it works really well with the lie he tells about his monthly disappearances, too. He just hopes it’ll be good enough to fool everyone.

“Oh, Remus, I’m so sorry!” Michael says, Antony and Lucas nod, frowning.

“It’s okay… How has your Quidditch been going?” He asks, hoping it’s a good enough conversation changer that they won’t come back to his mum.

They spend the rest of dinner talking about Quidditch. Remus learns a lot, he knew enough to get by in a conversation, but now he knows some techniques, James would be proud, he thinks with a smile.

“Oh, we’d better go, I still need to test a few things before the bed time curfew!” Michael says, his two friends following him outside, where they’d be practicing. “Do you want to come watch?” He asks kindly, and as much as Remus wants to, he really wants to see Sirius.

“Maybe another time? Today was a long day.” He says, twisting his sleeve in his hand.

“Oh! Of course! See you later, Remus!” The three leave, and Remus decides to head back for the dorms, if he didn’t run into Sirius, he’d take a really long shower, his head is beginning to pound.

He heads out of the Great Hall, and starts the long trek from there to Gryffindor’s Common Room. He was too lost in thought, he barely even remembered the moving staircases. He steps on one, just as it began to move. He cries out, flailing his arms, and falls back onto someone, both of them letting out muffled grunts.

“I’m so sorry!” Remus gasps out, hurrying to get off the other person.

“Remus?” it was Sirius he landed on? The boy pushes his long, wavy black hair out of his grey eyes, and smiles, though he’s still confused. “When did you get back? Why are you back? No offense, it’s just… I wasn’t expecting you guys back for another week and a half!”

“Oh, it’s just me…” He tells Sirius his lie about his ill mum.

“Merlin, Remus! Is she okay?” Sirius asks, offering Remus his hand, as he pulls Remus to his feet, and dusts himself off.

Remus straightens his robes, and nods, looking at his feet. He knows Sirius, Peter and James are on to him, that he’s a bad liar, but it’s not like they have any proof that it isn’t his mum, they couldn’t say his families name in the Daily Profit when they talk about Greyback going after his family, his father wouldn’t let them!

“Um, I don’t know. They wouldn’t tell me anything, I just know that she’s bad enough to be back in St. Mungo’s.” Remus says, rubbing as the place his brand is. He wonders when it will be visible? Only when he’s transforming? Or close? Or maybe the entire day of the full moon?

“Baubles.” Sirius says, opening the Gryffindor Common Room. “That’s sad. I hope she gets better.” Sirius says. He fidgets for a moment, usually James is the one doing the comforting… Then he rushes over and pulls Remus into a rough, sloppy hug, too many arms, not enough technique, Remus wonders if this is Sirius’ first time giving someone a hug.

Sirius pulls away, blushing slightly, and scratching the back of his neck.

“Thank you, Sirius.” Remus says, smiling softly at him.

Sirius shrugs, supposedly more flustered, blushing deeper. Remus smiles wider. “Are you embarrassed?” Remus teases.

“What? No!” Sirius says, playfully slapping Remus’ shoulder.

Remus walks over to his bed, and lays down, strangely feeling like he was home, and barely rolled to the side, as Sirius flung himself right where Remus had just been.

“Really mate?” Remus asks, exasperatedly.

“Yes, really. Now, scootch over, I want to get comfy.” Sirius says, wriggling around, trying to get “comfy”.

Remus rolls his eyes, but moves over, anyway.

They’re quiet for a few minutes, though neither mind, they missed each other, even if it was only a few days, they couldn’t wait for their other two friends, but for now, this was good, too.

“Hey, Remus?” Sirius whispers, turning onto his side, to face the other boy. Remus turns on his side to face Sirius.

“Yeah?” He whispers back.

“I missed you.” His grey eyes were wide, a certain vulnerability there.

Remus smiles at him. “I missed you, too.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t wait until classes start again, and James and Pete come back, also. But for now, this is good, too.” Sirius says, huffing a laugh.

“I can’t wait for them to come back, too. Hey, you want to prank the Slytherins?” Remus asks, hoping to boost Sirius’s mood. He knows he’s happier, now, but not his usual happy-go-lucky personality… There’s a touch of sadness in his usual mischievous, grey eyes.

“Am I hearing correctly? Remus, our good boy Remus Lupin wants to pull a prank?” Sirius asks, pretend shock written all over his face, with a smug smirk no eleven-year-old should be able to pull off.

“Yes, Sirius. Though, I guess if you don’t…” He says, pretending to be upset, he lays back down on the bed, pulling his pillow over his head.

“What? Are you kidding? Of course I want to prank them! We haven’t had a good prank in a while!” Sirius says, trying to tug the pillow away from Remus’s face.

“No, you already said you didn’t. The magic is gone.” Remus says, voice muffled, but still pouting.

“Are you serious? Remus! We’re probably made of magic! How could it be gone?! Remus? Remus?! How could the magic be gone?” Sirius is tugging and tugging at the pillow.

“It just is… I’m sorry, Sirius.” Remus says, going limp.

“No, no! It isn’t gone! I’ll jinx you!” Sirius jokes, pulling out his wand, and performing a tickling jinx on Remus.

Try as he might, Remus couldn’t suppress the laughter, and soon is laughing uncontrollably. “Si-Siriu-u-us! St-o-o-p! Ple-ee-eease!”

“Say the magic isn’t gone! Say it!” Sirius says, holding his and Remus’s wands out of Remus’ reach.

“O-oka-a-ay! The mag-i-ic isn’t go-o-o-ne! It’s back! Siriu-us it’s back!” Remus gasps, laughing, even though his ribs hurt, he still can’t help smiling.

“Okay, good enough.” Sirius says the counter-jinx, and the jinx stops, though Remus still lets out a few giggles, and they both are smiling widely.

“So, what prank did you have in mind?” Sirius asks, settling down next to Remus again.

“Nothing too complicated, we’ll save those for when Pete and James are back, but something good, too…”

“Hmm…”

They stayed up until three in the morning talking, and eventually falling asleep without deciding on anything, other than Sirius wanting to Jinx the benches in the Great Hall to walk away every time that any Slyhterin tries to sit on it. Remus agrees that it’s a brilliant idea, it being three in the morning, and both laugh until breathless at the image of the bench walking away anytime a student tries to sit on it.

“I really do think we could bathe the Giant Squid if we got enough soap…” Sirius says, brow furrowed in thought.

“Sirius,” Remus says with a laugh, “the Gain Squid doesn’t need a bath.”

“What about the mermaids? The House Elves?”

“You’re hopeless.” Remus says, shaking his head and grinning. “But yeah, we’ll bathe the House Elves, but you get to hunt the kitchen down and find them.”

“I’m holding you to that!” Sirius says, gleefully. They fall silent for a few minutes, each in his own thoughts, before Sirius breaks the silence. “Remus?” Sirius whispers into the dark room.

“Yeah, Sirius?” Remus asks, rolling onto his side once again.

Sirius perches his head on his hand, looking down at Remus. “You know you can tell us anything, right? It doesn’t matter if you think it’s stupid… We care, okay?”

Remus feels emotion well up in his throat, and is thankful that its dark out, or Sirius would see the tears welling up in his eyes. “Yeah, Sirius… Don’t worry, I know…” Sometimes Remus forgot Sirius and James and Peter were just eleven-year-old boys at times like these, when they got all serious, and quiet; they had a wise look on their young, chubby boy faces, and it was easy to forget they were just children.

Sirius smiles, and lays back down. “Good… Goodnight Remus.”

Remus doesn’t have the heart to kick him out of his bed, he just rolls over, and hands Sirius a pillow, telling him “Night…” And pulling the covers over the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it!! This one of kind of a filler chapter, but also contributes to the plot in small ways. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/favorited/gave Kudos!! It means a lot to me!!
> 
> Please review! I love feedback!
> 
> Bye!  
> ~Elliott


	8. Midnight Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own anything! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the Wizarding World! And One Direction owns the chapter title, and the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter!!
> 
> Bleh, I'm too impatient too wait for Monday xD This might just be my favorite chapter I've written so far! XD Also, if you don't like the ending of this chapter, I'm sorry? But it felt right to me! ((more information at the end of the chapter, but you gotta read first! XD) I hope you enjoy!!!

_Midnight memories,_  
_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, baby you and me_  
_Stumbling in the street_  
_Singing, singing, singing, singing_  
_Midnight memories,_  
_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, anywhere we go never say no_  
_Just do it, do it, do it, do it_

 

Remus and Sirius spent their holiday hunting down House Elves to try and bathe, though they never found one, so they settled for trying to find the kitchen, which they also never found, so they built a lot of snowmen, that Sirius tried to enchant to walk and talk, after Remus told him about Frosty the Snowman.

“The muggles have magic, too!” Sirius says, and tried to find out how he could get a hat to make a snowman to come alive. He even spent an afternoon in the library, until he asked a Ravenclaw Seventh year if there was a spell that could do it.

“Well, you could enchant the snowman, or the hat, but I don’t think the hat could make the snowman come alive… You could ask Professor Flitwick?” She offers.

Sirius does, but then he had to explain Frosty the Snowman to him, and Flitwick asked if Sirius was going to use this as a prank, and Sirius got this twinkle in his eye that told Remus that he stored that idea in his head for later.

“You could enchant a hat to give an inanimate object life for a short while, but it’s a really complicated spell, as opposed to just enchanting the snowman, or the hat to come alive.” Flitwick squeaks, and Professor McGonagall looked suspiciously at them, so Remus ushered Sirius out of the Great Hall.

“We’ll keep working on this, I’ll even help you.” Remus promises. “Though, Professor Flitwick is right, that sort of spell sounds really complicated, so it might take us a few years to complete.”

“That’s fine, I’m patient.” Sirius says with a smile, as they walk back outside to their snowmen.

They waited in the hallway in front of the door, waiting for James and Peter to come in with the rest of the students.

“James! Peter!” Sirius shouts dramatically, and jumps into James’ arms, as James laughs, hugging Sirius too. Remus hugs Peter, and then James when Sirius finally lets him go.

“We looked for you everywhere on the train, mate. When did you get back?” James asks, confused.

“Oh, his mum got really ill, so he was sent back here the day after Christmas.” Sirius says, because he thinks Remus doesn’t want to have to explain again.

“Oh, is she okay now?” Peter asks.

“She’s getting better…” Remus says, rubbing the inside of his right wrist.

“That’s good. Come on, dinner should be soon! I’m starved!” James says, throwing his arms around Sirius and Peter’s shoulders as they walk towards the Great Hall. Remus is grateful for the conversation change.

“Remus and I came up with a brilliant prank!” Sirius says, as they sit down among the Gryffindors, Sirius tells the other two about their idea for the prank, and they both agree that it would be brilliant.

“I’ll dig around in the Charms section later this week.” Remus says, passing James some pumpkin juice. He had meant to do it last week, but then the snowman incident happened.

It felt good to have the other three back with him, Remus thought, and lessons would start the next day, and Remus couldn’t wait! He couldn’t wait to begin learning more, and more new things, things that would not only help their pranking, but his life, too!

That night, they stayed up until the early hours of the morning talking, and even though Remus’s entire body ached as the full moon got closer and closer, he was still happy he did it, even if he got a headache the next day, he still tried to pay attention during classes, and he was already in a sour mood, when he was paired up with Snape for DADA.

“Don’t mess me up.” Snape hissed at him from the corner of his mouth.

“Why would I do something like that?” Remus shot back, taking his book out. “How would I do that? We aren’t even doing anything but listening?”

“I don’t know… Just don’t!”

“Whatever…” Remus sighs, turning back to his book.

They’re learning about ghosts, so Remus doesn’t know how he’s supposed to distract Snape, he just scoots over to the end of the bench, and stares longingly over to where Sirius and Lily are, and James and Peter. He wishes he could’ve been with Sirius, or James or Pete, he knows that Professor Fletcher had a reason to split them up, they tend to talk, and loudly, too. But he just wishes it could’ve been with anyone else! Frank, or Marlene, maybe Mary? But, no! It isn’t that he doesn’t like Snape… He doesn’t hate him, but Snape has something out for him, he can see it in his eyes…

“Ghosts are the spirits pf the dead, who have yet to move on.” Professor Fletcher starts.

“Are they like our paintings?” One of the Slytherins, a muggle born, asks.

“No, the paintings are made from magic so they can move, but they aren’t ghosts.”

The boy nods, seemingly relieved. Professor Fletcher continues his lesson, but Remus already knew it by heart, he enjoys DADA, and has read his book twice now.

When the lesson is over, he waits for Snape to leave, and walks with his three friends to lunch before they have Herbology, which none are looking forward to, since it is out in the cold.

“Mr. Lupin? Can I talk to you for a moment?” Professor Fletcher asks, sitting at his desk.

Remus hesitates, before waving James and Sirius on, “I’ll be there in a few minutes, go one.” He smiles at them, then walks over to the teacher.

“I suppose I should have said this earlier this year, but I suppose it never crossed my mind, and for that I’m sorry, but what I am trying to say is, if there is anything about you… Transformation that you would like to discuss, anything about it, I would be happy to talk to you.”

“That’s very kind of you, but I think I understand it pretty well, I have had it for the majority of my life…” Remus doesn’t mean to sound rude, he really doesn’t especially to a teacher, but really! Who would know about it better than someone living with it?

“Oh! Of course, but really, don’t hesitate, alright?”

“Okay. Thank you, Professor.” Remus awkwardly leaves the room. What was that even about? Is it because of the new scars he has acquired every month?

“What did he want?” James asks, moving his bag from where he saved a seat for Remus.

“Just something about my… Grade.” He says sitting down. “I forgot to answer two questions, and he wanted to know if I needed help, but I was just really tired when I did that test.

“I found the charm last night in the library before bed.” Remus says, hoping to change the subject, setting the book down, and the other three look over his shoulder.

“This is a third year charm.” James points out, placing his fork down, and picking the book out of Remus’ hands.

“I know, but after having done other things, I think we can manage quite well, we’ll have to practice, of course, but I have no doubt we can do this.” He says, smiling at them.

“I think Remus is right. That slime spell was third year, too, and we did alright. We’ll be fine.” He says, slinging an arm around Remus.

Remus smiles, and turns back to the book in his lap, as his friends discuss what they’ll be doing for the weekend.

“What about you, Remus?” James asks.

“I’d like to say I’ll be spending my weekend with a good book, but I doubt you three will let me.” Remus says, with a wry smirk.

“He’s right. There is no way we’ll leave you to that doom.” James says, laughing. “We’ll think of something fun, fret not.”

Remus rolls his eyes, “Right. Because no one enjoys reading as a past time.” He says sarcastically.

“Right! At least not anybody sane, or under the age of seventy.” Sirius says, grinning.

“You’re forgetting, Sirius, Remus is a seventy-year-old man in the body of an eleven-year-old.” Peter jokes, causing the other two to laugh.

Remus shakes his head, smiling too, and going back to his lunch.

Just as he thought, Herbology was horribly cold, and he produced a flame to put in a jar, but got it confiscated as Pete almost knocked it over in a patch of Devil’s Snare.

“You don’t actually need to kill it! You aren’t in any danger!” Professor Sprout says taking the jar, and extinguishing the blue flame. Remus almost pouts, rubbing his cold fingers together, and grumbling, as he sets about his task for class.

By the time they reach Potions, their last class of the day, Remus is very grumpy, getting a perfect score on his Charms Homework barely did anything to raise his sour mood. The potion they were making slipped Remus’s mind, but luckily, Professor Slughorn knew better than to pair Remus with anyone that wasn’t Sirius, and as for Peter and James, they made a pretty great team, who knew Pete was pretty good at potions, it seemed a bit of tutoring from James and Sirius, and all he really lacked was confidence.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do most of the work.” Sirius whispers from the side of his mouth, “You just hand me what I need, okay?”

Remus nods, a smile of thanks on his scarred face, Sirius had to make himself not stare at the new ones.

They work quietly, only speaking when Sirius needs something, then Remus measures out the correct amount of ingredient for him. Remus knows he can’t rely on Sirius forever, what about when Remus eventually has to distance himself from them? What will he do then? What about of solo potion making? Everyone has already seen what happens when he tries his hand at it, they end up covered in boils. He knows he needs to work harder on doing it himself, but for now he’ll work with Sirius.

“Good job, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin. You, too, Mr. Snape, Ms. Evans.” Slughorn says, waddling around the classroom, occasionally bumping into a table with his gigantic stomach, almost toppling a set of scales.

 

The next week flies by quickly, most of their free time spent practicing the Charm that would make the bench move out of the way every time a student tried sitting down. Peter kept getting better at it as time went on, until they were ready on Friday night at dinner time.

“What if we get caught again?” Peter asks, worrying his lip.

“We won’t I promise!” James says, an arm thrown across Peter’s shoulders.

“How can you be so sure?” His voice held much skepticism, and Remus doesn’t blame him, the amount of times they’ve gotten detention, though, he and Pete less than James and Sirius, they still have their fair share of detention.

“Because, when have you ever known me to be wrong, Pete?” James asks, and when Peter opens his mouth to reply, James slaps his hand over his mouth. “Don’t answer that.”

They all decided to remain less suspicious, they’d all sit at the table this time, but enchant the benches before the sat down. Sirius and James on one side of the table under the invisibility cloak, and Remus and Peter on the other side, in the shadows. Not many students were at dinner yet, and Hufflepuff and Slytherin having just finished Charms class, they wouldn’t be there for a few minutes, so far only a few Gryffindors and Ravenclaws were present, and none having seen the four friends.

They worked fast, yet efficient, and completed their task in five minutes, before Remus and Peter met Sirius and James back under the cloak, so they could enter casually, and everyone else would be none the wiser.

The four of them sat next to Michael Wood, and his friends, Remus smiles and waves as they sit down.

“Do you know them?” James asks. “They’re fifth years!” he whispers, though, quite loudly.

“Yes, James, I’ve told you, that one’s the Quidditch Captain.”

James suddenly remembers and nods. “Remus! Introduce us!”

Remus laughs. “Not yet, mate. But soon, I promise. Pay attention.” Remus gestures to the doors where a large bulk of Slytherins were coming in, and heading over to their table.

“Poker faces, lads, and don’t make it obvious.” Sirius hisses, and looks down at his plate, looking effortlessly bored.

Remus takes out a book he brought with him, and James and Peter start talking about a Quidditch game that happened over the weekend and how it seemed like the Quidditch championship would be against the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws.

Remus looks up slightly, at the first sounds of distress, as the bench’s legs take a step back from the group of students, and then another, and another, then they just begin to walk out of the Great Hall, through the door, almost running over the Hufflepuffs who were coming in. They jump back, and get out of the way, though they start laughing when they look in, and see the Slytherins all standing dumbfounded, the other two houses join in, and even some of the Slytherins start laughing, too.

The teachers don’t even investigate this time, they just walk over to the Gryffindor table, and approach the four of them. Remus looks back down at his book, as Pete and James renew their conversation, and Sirius joins them this time.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, do you care to explain what just happened?” Professor McGonagall asks, lips pressed firmly together, hands on her hips.

“It wasn’t us this time, Professor, we were here the whole time.” Sirius says, since he’s the best liar amongst them.

“Am I supposed to believe that?” She asks, slightly amused.

“It’s true, Professor. They were here the whole time.” A voice says, and all four of their heads whip around to Michael Wood, and his friends, who nod their heads.

Professor McGonagall sighs, rubbing her eyes, then nods. “I suppose if you have witnesses… I’m just surprised is all…” She mutters, shaking her head, and walking away, though Remus hears her huff out a small laugh, and mumbles “Walking benches… Hm!”

Remus turns back to Michael when she far enough away. “Thank you so much!” He whispers, smiling, his three friends immediately start thanking them, too.

Michael laughs. “You lot must really be dedicated to your pranks,” he says, a smile on his face “that Charm is a third year one, I remember because it gave me a lot of trouble. How long did it take you to learn it?”

“Remus and Sirius learned it in two days, it took Peter and me three days, though.” James tells him.

Flitwick and Filch come back into the Great Hall with the two benches, and set them down, they don’t walk away this time, Flitwick obviously un-enchanted, and the Slytherins begin to have dinner.

Remus goes back to their dormitory a little later, the noise of the Great Hall giving him a migraine, and he has homework anyway.

Remus doesn’t know why he’s so bad at Potions, even his homework is unreasonably hard, and he groans, throwing it on the ground, and he flops face first into his pillow.

“Whoa,” Sirius laughs, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you abuse your homework like that. Ever.”

“It’s horrible.” Remus mutters, voice muffled by his pillow.

“Want some help?” Sirius offers, coming to sit on his bed, picking up the scattered parchment.

Remus looks up at him. “Really?”

“Sure! It’ll be easy, I’ll show you.”

Remus had to admit, having Sirius walk him through the process did make everything a bit easier, though, he doesn’t think it’ll ever get to be simple as Sirius says, and he’s scared that if he doesn’t improve, Professor Dumbledore will realize Remus isn’t worth the risk, and kick him out…

“Where are James and Peter?” Remus asks, a hand snaking up to rub at him temple, after a particularly viscous throb.

“They’re in the Common Room playing Exploding Snaps, I told them you weren’t feeling too well, and they agreed to give you some quiet to study.” Sirius says, looking up from Remus’s paper he’s making corrections to.

“Oh. Oh, that was nice of you… Thank you, Sirius.” Remus says, feeling touched.

“Don’t mention it.” Sirius says, smiling, and going back to his correcting.

\---------

On Saturday, Remus thought that today would be a good day to get some reading done, seeing as he got lots of books from relatives this Christmas, and he didn’t think the other three would want to spend time with him, seeing as it started snowing heavily around eight that morning, and it hasn’t stopped, he thought Sirius and James would be off causing mischief somewhere, Peter following along like a lost puppy. He didn’t count on Sirius getting him to agree to accept the challenge some of the other houses made to a big snowball fight, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor against Hufflepuff and Slyhterin.

“Come on, mate! It’ll be epic! Think about it, we can hit Slytherin and not get in trouble!” Sirius says, poking Remus’ shoulder over and over, as Peter and James stand on the floor, at the end of his bed.

“It’ll be loads of fun, too.” Peter offers, a hopeful look on his rosy, chubby face, and James nods.

“We won’t bug you at all tomorrow, we promise!” James says, smiling.

“Alright, but only if you let me have a little peace tonight, yeah?” Remus asks, putting his book on the nightstand, and pulling out his scarf, boots and gloves.

“Yeah, okay! You won’t regret this, Remus! I promise!!” He grabs Remus’ hand, and yanks him to his feet, pulling him down and out of the castle, to where the remaining students were already outside.  
Remus, Sirius, Peter, and James stand, and Remus waves at Lily, from where she stands with the rest of the Gryffindors, and the Ravenclaws, while Hufflepuff, and Slytherin stand across from them in the yard. Remus even thinks he catches a few teachers and Hagrid watching them suspiciously.

“Okay, rules.” Says a seventh year Ravenclaw.

“Rules? Who needs them! This is a snowball fight!” Sirius exclaims, face alight in mischievous glee, his fellow Gryffindor’s shout their agreement.

“No, she’s right, there needs to be at least a semblance of control and order.” Remus says, “How about: no physical or magical violence, and nothing hard, like rocks or pebbles inside the snowballs.” He starts, and a fifth year Hufflepuff adds.

“And we probably should restrict going anywhere near that Whomping Willow. It wouldn’t do to have someone smashed.” She says, with a nervous giggle, glancing at the tree in question, where it rests, dormant for now, at least.

“Okay, good plans, can we start?” Asks a third year Slytherin, clearly antsy to begin, and, this may be the first time in history, the Gruffindor’s agree wholeheartedly.

They choose their captains, the seventh year Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor’s Head Girl, and Hufflepuff’s Head Boy and Slytherin’s Head Girl.

They give each team ten minutes to build walls to hide behind, and make their snowballs, and then they all stand at the ready, waiting to see who would make the first move, everything was quiet, quiet enough to hear the rustle of the tree branches, the tweeting of a bird that flutters by, and Remus thinks, with his Werewolf hearing, he might have even been able to hear the snowflakes landing. Before Sirius, James, and another first year charge, throwing the first snowballs at two Slytherin sixth years cackling as it hits them right in the face. Chaos erupts, as snow starts pelting from every direction, and Remus has to agree, this is the most fun he’s had in ages! He launches a snowball right at Malfoy’s head, laughing as it messes up his usually smooth and shiny hair. He ducks behind a wall, and just misses getting a snow ball to the face.

Somewhere along there he lost track of Sirius, and James as the two of them and some Ravenclaws were making a battle plan, and then he loses sight of Peter, when he finds himself behind a tree with Michael Wood.

“Fun, isn’t it?” He asks Remus, as he packs a snow ball.

Remus nods, smiling, as he tosses one at a Hufflepuff. “Yeah!”

“This was your three friend’s idea, they got me and a few other Gryffindors to agree, then the word spread to other houses, and before you know it, everyone had agreed! Though, I expect most Slytherins agreed just so they can hit us with something without getting in trouble.” Michael says, laughing.

“Probably.” Remus says, laughing. “Sirius mentioned something along the lines of that, too.”

A few Ravenclaws had enchanted snowmen, probably getting the idea from Sirius and Frosty the Snowman, to stand guard on their side of the lawn, and some even threw snowballs at the opposing team.

It must have been an hour or two before Remus finally found Sirius. “There you are, mate!” Sirius laughs. “I’ve been looking for you for ages!” James is behind them, working with Lily and Marlene as they build a new wall, since theirs fell down.

Remus smiles, “I’ve been looking for you, too. Do you know where Pete is?” He throws another snowball. “And how do you decide who wins? Or do we keep fighting until there’s a truce?” it was nearly five in the afternoon, and he was beginning to feel the chill after about six hours of being out in the cold.

Sirius stops, thinking, which earns him a snowball to the side of the head. “Ah!” He shouts, rubbing the side of his head. Remus laughs, “I don’t know… That never came up in our planning… Hmm… I guess we’ll keep going until everyone gets too cold or tired.”

Remus nods, and he pulls Sirius behind a large snowman, as several Slytherin and Hufflepuffs came to ambush them with snowballs.

Remus begins to pack snowballs, as Sirius starts throwing them at the students out there. “We make a good team.” Sirius smiles down at him.

Remus smiles back, and hands him another snowball, “Hit Snape with that one for me?” Usually Remus wouldn’t tolerate bullying the other boy, but he has been getting more and more mean towards him, and other students, for that matter.

Sirius grins widely. “With pleasure.”

James joins them for a while, he shows them a spell Lily showed him, so they could launch snowballs with their wands, and hit people further away, and Remus sees that Lily has been warming up to the four of them, especially Peter and, strangely, especially Sirius. They talked a lot in class, and sometimes outside, in the Common room, she even helped them with a harmless prank the week before. The prank made the Potions ingredients disappear when the user grabs for one. They all got ditention, even Lily, she confessed when Slughorn got so frustrated that his face turned red, and a vein began throbbing in his temple.

Remus finds Peter a little after that, and he joins James, and an hour after that, the captains call a truce, as many of their teammates are cold, and shivering, with red fingers and frosty hair, some even have blue tinted lips, though everyone is smiling, and laughing together. They all go back inside, talks of hot chocolate and biscuits, and how fun that afternoon was.

“I have to admit, that was actually a wonderful idea you three had.” Remus says, as the four of them walk towards the school. “It kind of felt like the school wasn’t divided for a few hours.”

“Remus is right. We had a lot of fun. Thanks for that.” Lily says, smiling at them as she and her friends hurry out of the cold.

“Well, we usually do have the best ideas in the school.” James jokes, throwing an arm around Remus and Sirius, peter trotting to keep up.

Inside, the Great Hall feels very warm, and there was Hot Chocolate out with dinner, and biscuits for desert.

It was still snowing steadily as Remus heads up to the Common Room, where only a few students were, some students had even gone back outside for another hour before bed, but Remus had homework to do so he could have Sunday free.

“Would you like some company?” Lily asks, sitting next to him on one of the many couches in the Common Room.

“Sure.” Remus moves to the side.

“I already finished my homework for Transfiguration if you need help.” She offers.

“I think I’m okay right now, but thank you.” He says, looking up. She smiles, and sits back, opening up her own school book, and begins to do her homework. “I’ve already finished the Charms homework, so if you need help…” he offers, smiling.

Lily laughs, and nods. “Okay, so we’ll help each other.” Remus nods, laughing, too.

The repetitive sound of quills scratching on parchment is comforting, soothing, almost. Remus likes Transfiguration, almost as much as Charms, and he was good at it, too, they were his favorite classes.

“Done.” Remus says, placing his parchment down; he doesn’t worry about disturbing Lily, she had stopped writing a few minutes ago.

“I’ll check yours if you check mine?” She offers, smiling.

“Sure.” Remus likes that she’s making an effort to befriend him, and his friends. Well, all except James, who she thinks is an ignorant jerk, but to Pete and Sirius and him, she was kind, and friendly, and she said she wouldn’t mind James, if he would stop targeting Snape so much. James laughed in her face, saying he’d stop when ‘Snivellus’ learned how to shower. That made her angry, and she hadn’t talked to any of them for a week.

“You got all except this one right.” Remus says, showing her the question.

“Okay, thank you. You really are good at this you know?”

“Lily, you’re way better than I am, and in every subject.” Remus says, blushing slightly, looking down.

“You lack confidence in Potions, I mean, Peter was almost as bad as you were, until Sirius, and Potter helped him, maybe you should ask them for help.” She offers, smiling.

“Sirius has already tried, but I just don’t get it…” Remus says uncomfortably.

“Remus… Can I ask you something? It-It’s kind of personal, and I know I shouldn’t snoop, or pry, but it was something Severus keeps mentioning, and I can kind of see it now, and-“

Remus cuts off her rambling. “Lily, what is it?” He asks with a nervous laugh, his stomach filling with nervous flutters.

“Are… Are you a...” She looks around, making sure they won’t be overheard, then whispers “a werewolf?”

Remus’s body fills with ice. His lungs stop working, and his world shatters. Lily knows… She knows because Snape… Snape found out… And if Snape knows, then how long until everyone else figures it out?

“Remus? Remus, I’m sorry, I upset you… You don’t have to say anything, I just want you to know that I won’t tell anybody, and I won’t tell Severus, either, I’ll continue to disagree… And I don’t care what you are… You’re like me… Well, not entirely, but you’re ridiculed for what you are, and can’t help, and I am, too… And this proves what I thought, that the affliction doesn’t change who you are. You’re the kindest boy I have ever known, it doesn’t matter what happens to you once a month, you’re still you.” Lily lays a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Remus feels his eyes fill with tears, and his breath stutters as he breathes in. She really means this. She doesn’t hate him, and she won’t tell anyone. “T-thank you. So much.” He whispers, dragging his hand across his face, catching stray tears, and sniffling.

“That must be so stressful to keep to yourself… Remus, do your friends know?”

Remus shakes his head. “No, and they won’t. I won’t let them… Lily, you heard what James told you all those months ago, about how werewolves are dangerous…” He wipes another tear.

“Remus, he-he doesn’t believe that, not anymore, I think… And, you’re his friend, he wouldn’t kick you out. None of them would. They love you, Remus.”  
“You don’t know that!” Remus hisses, tears falling faster, and he feels sick. Everything seems so real, now. If a first year, even as brilliant as Lily is, can figure his secret out, what’s to say an older student can’t either?!

“I do Remus. They love you.” She says again. Remus nods, though he doesn’t believe her. She grabs his hand, and squeezes. “You aren’t alone. Not anymore. Even if you don’t tell them, you have me.”

Remus smiles shakily, and hugs her. “Thank you…”

“No problem.” She whispers in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! First off, I think Lily would be a good friend to the Marauders, despite her friendship with Snivellus ((I don't like Snape, and I'm not sorry to say that xD))  
> Secondly! I think Snape would have told Lily his suspicions about Remus' Furry Little Problem, trying to get someone to believe him, but I think Lily would have liked Remus too much to care about him being a werewolf. I think she would have understood the prejudices he goes through, and they become Bffles! If you don't agree/like, I'm sorry, but this is how I'm going to do this!!! Please don't hate me!!!!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/bookmarked/followed/left Kudos! I can't believe how many people like this story!!! 
> 
> Please review! Constructive criticism is encouraged! I'm always trying to improve! 
> 
> Thank you!  
> ~Elliott


	9. Midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the Wizarding World! Barcelona owns the chapter title, and the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter!
> 
> I just found out I'll be busy next week, so this is the chapter I was gonna post on Monday, but just in case I can't you guys get it early xD I hope you enjoy!

_Please don't be sad,_   
_You don't have to smile to make it by._   
_It's a new midnight, a new sunrise,_   
_And that can't be bad._

_And I'll stay and help you find a way,_   
_In the new midnight, the new sunrise,_   
_everyday._   
  
  


January moved quicker than Remus ever remembered, until, before he knew it, it was the day of the full moon. He woke up, feeling heavy and like his body was trying to rip itself open. He sits up in bed, and groans, quietly. He hates this part, having to push himself out of bed, and onto his feet. He scoots to the edge of his bed, and stands, feeling his knees creak, and hearing his joints crack, and settle, and his skin pull tightly at itself.

He whimpers, as he makes his way to the bathroom, hoping a shower would do him some good. When he unbuttons his pajama shirt, and takes it off, he sees something, something that makes his heart stutter in his chest. The brand is glowing a fluorescent green. How is he supposed to hide this? Someone is bound to see!

He takes a quick shower, though he feels numb, even with the shower on its hottest he barely notices the scalding water against his sensitive skin.

“Are you feeling alright, Remus? You look a little… Ill…” Peter says, grabbing the attention of the other two.

He stands awkwardly, stiffly, by his bed. “Yeah, just a cold, I suppose.”

“Maybe you should sit this visit out…” James starts, trying to keep his voice nonchalant, almost as if he didn’t care, when Remus could see in his eyes that he does… Very much.

“Really, lads, I’m fine, just a headache.”

“If you’re sure…” Sirius says, looking Remus directly in the eyes, trying to read him.

He can’t pay attention to anything, and as he and his friends have breakfast, he grabs the egg ladle to get some eggs, but doesn’t remember that the spoon is made of silver, and it burns his skin. He hisses, dropping it, as it clatters back into the dish. He could kick himself! How could he be so stupid to not pay attention?

“Remus! What happened?” James asks, trying to grab his hand.

Remus brings it back close to his body. “It’s nothing, just a little burn. Really guys, I’m alright.” He says with a smile, even though his hand burns even harder than the time he touched his mum’s silver jewelry box when he was eight. He knows he has to wrap it, or it’ll get infected, so he wolfs down some porridge, and heads to the infirmary, hoping Madame Pomfrey will have some bandages he can use.

“Dear Merlin! What happened, Remus?” She asks when he showed her his hand.

“I touched the silver ladle in the egg dish by accident.” He says with a wince, as she turns his hand to see the extent of the burn.

“Right, I have some burn salve, come and see me at lunch, and I’ll reapply it.” She says, rubbing the cream into his burn, and as it cools, Remus finds himself relaxing minutely.

He can feel Madame Pomfrey’s eyes on the brand on his wrist, but he ignores it, and pulls his sleeve down further when they finished.

Remus rushes to Transfiguration, glad he’s still a little early, and Professor McGonagall lets him in. “Ah, Remus, I was wondering if you were coming to see me this morning.” She says with a kind smile, “What happened to you?” Her smile drops.

“I touched silver accidentally.” He doesn’t really want to get into it, he really just wants to sleep.

“Well, lucky for you, we are only reading today, no wand work.” She tells him, kindly.

Remus smiles back, as students file in.

The rest of the day goes back slowly, and his hand throbs along with his head, and he feels weak and faint.

“It’s today, isn’t it?” Lily asks, when they sit next to each other in Potions.

Remus nods once, even that is too much for his throbbing head.

“It’ll be okay, right? You’ve done this before?”

Remus feels slightly irritated by the question. It doesn’t matter how many times he’s done this… It’s always going to hurt, to be painful. He tells her as much.

She winces, realizing how he took it. “Right, sorry, I deserved that. I didn’t mean it that way, though… I just meant that you’ll be okay in the end… You’re still here, and that’s good. You’re strong, stronger than most adults I know… They couldn’t do what you do every month.”

“Thank you, Lily.” He smiles, even when it hurts his head, moving his body too much.

“Of course, now, let me see if I can help you at all here…” She takes a look in his cauldron, and grimaces.

“That bad?” He asks, smiling a little.

“No, not too bad… Let us see…” She hands him a few things, before turning back to her own Potion. He does what she instructs, and it doesn’t turn out half bad.

“Thank you, so much.” He whispers, as Slughorn tells him he did quite well today, though he has a painful grimace at Remus’ potion that is green and has the consistency of oatmeal, but at least it’s the right color!

Remus spends the rest of his Friday afternoon in the Library where it’s quiet, and the others won’t find him, wedged in one of the further back stacks on shelves, near the restricted section.

“What are you doing back here?” Asks a sixth year Ravenclaw.

“Hiding…” He tells him sheepishly.

The sixth year smiles a little. “Alright. Good luck then.” And takes his book, and walks away, leaving Remus in peace.

Remus manages to finish all of his homework, so if he gets really injured this time, at least he won’t fall behind.

A little after dinner, Remus goes back to the dorm, he passes Lily in the Common Room, and she drags him off to a secluded alcove.

“You’re going to go, aren’t you?” She asks, voice so serious for someone so young, eyebrows drawn in concern.

“Yeah,” He croaks. “Going to Madame Pomfrey right now, actually…”

Lily pulls him into a hug. “Good luck. I’ll come and visit you tomorrow, okay?”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…” Remus starts.

“Don’t be daft. I’m not, nor will I ever, be afraid of you, Remus Lupin, as if you could be frightening, even if you tried.” She teases. “I’ll be there tomorrow morning. Do you want me to bring anything?”

“Um… There is something I haven’t been able to do in nearly five months…” Remus begins, awkwardly tugging his shirt sleeve.

“What’s that?” Lily asks.

“Could you ask James or Sirius or Pete for my chess board? It’s under my bed.” Remus says, looking down at his feet, feeling a little happy that he’ll get to pay chess again, and that he’ll have a friendly face after tomorrow morning.

“Of course Remus, I’ll be there.” She promises. “Now, go. Get ready. And break a leg… Well, not physically… It’s a muggle phrase, which means good luck. I probably should have just said good luck, but-“

“Lily, I know what it means.” Remus says, smiling. He learned that Lily rambles, sometimes awkwardly, when she is nervous. “I’ll be fine, really.”

“Won’t stop me from worrying.” She says, and playfully punches his shoulder. “Be careful out there, wolf-boy.” She jokes, hugging him again, and sending him on his way.

Remus walks up the stairs, moving slowly, every foot placed just so, so he doesn’t pull his aching joints too much. He pushes the door open, greeting his friends as he walks over to his trunk, getting out an a pair of clothes.

“Are you going to see your mum?” James inquires as Remus places an outfit in his bag.

“Yeah, she’s been feeling better recently, so it’s okay for me to visit.” Remus rambles as he pulls a sweater on over his school button up.

“I hope she feels better.” Peter tells him, from where Sirius is helping him with a Potions essay.

“Thanks, Pete.” Remus smiles, as he walks out, and makes his way to the infirmary where Madame Pomfrey is waiting.

“How is you hand, dear?” She asks, getting up from her desk.

Remus looks down at his bandaged hand, after everything with Lily, he actually forgot about it, but now that she reminded him, he realizes it’s throbbing duly. “It’s okay, doesn’t hurt too bad.” He lies

“That’s good. Now, if there isn’t anything else, we should get going, the sun will be setting soon.” She says, taking his bag, and storing it behind her desk.

“Actually, there is one other thing… Lily, Lily Evans, from Gryffindor, she found out about my… Condition a few weeks ago… It’s okay, I think. She said she wasn’t going to tell, she even accepted me for what I am. She said she is going to visit me tomorrow morning. Is that okay?” Remus asks, not sure where she would stand with the idea of a visitor.

“Well… I suppose a visit might do you some good, and I know her, she’s a nice little girl, very well behaved, unlike you other friends. I must have Potter and Black in my office once a week for some reason or another… But Ms. Evans, as long as she’s quiet, and lets you rest, there shouldn’t be any problems, as long as she leaves after an hour or so. You need your rest.”

Remus takes this as a vote of confidence on Lily’s side, seeing as Madame Pomfrey hardly lets anyone have visitors. Either that, or she pities him.

“Thank you.” Remus smiles.

“Oh very well, come on, Remus. Let us go.” She says, a hand on the small of his back, as she guides him out the small exit in the infirmary, and out towards the Whomping Willow.

When she leaves him, after he removes his clothes, and Remus is shaking on the floor, tears streaming down his face, Remus decides he wants to remain with his wolf through this transformation… Maybe it’ll be better this time if he does…

\------

It isn’t. His wolf is animalistic in its rage. It urinates on every surface, still marking it as its territory. It is hostile to the human presence that’s him in his mind, and takes to slashing itself across almost every inch of skin he can reach. It is hell. The pain, and the madness of the beast, always clawing at something, trying to get out, get to bigger surroundings, to the forest they can both smell, out to the animals it wishes to hunt. It wishes to see the moon, to howl at it, to run under the light of the pale orb in the sky.

And when they can’t escape, it claws at them again.

By morning, Remus had retreated to a small corner in the back of his mind, afraid of what he is, what he’s capable of. When he comes to himself an hour after sunrise, he’s only slightly aware of the tears falling steadily down his dirty, bloody cheeks. He doesn’t even try to sit up, he just curls further in on himself, and lets out small sobs.

What is he?! He isn’t what Lily says, he isn’t a brave boy, or a good person, he’s a horrible monster, and he'll only hurt anyone who gets close to him.

“Remus?” He hears Madame Pomfrey coming up the rickety stairs, Remus becomes very aware of his nudity, but he’s numb, and doesn’t care. “Oh, Remus…” She lays a cloak around his shoulders, and helps him sit up. “You really did a number on yourself.” She says sympathetically.

“It hurts…” He whimpers, curving his cut up arm around his ribs, curling forward around himself.

“I know… Let us get you back inside, dear. My meagre supply of Potions won’t help you that much.” She wraps the cloak further around him, and helps him to his feet, as they make the slow trek back to the castle. It was very cold outside, and he was barefoot, making him colder, as he shook violently in Madame Pomfrey’s grip, as she shushed him, and rubbed his back and arms, hoping she could rub warmth back into his small, skinny, shaking body.

When they got back inside, she rushed to get him a pair of hospital pajama pants. “No, you aren’t leaving the Infirmary today, or tomorrow if I can help it. Remus, you cannot see the state you’re in. You aren’t fit to stand, let alone go about your day with your friends. No. You’re staying here at least for today.” She says, going to get her things to help heal him.

It takes her an entire hour to stitch him back together, and to get the bleeding staunched enough for her to clean his wounds and bandage them. When she’s finished, she makes him eat a bowl of porridge and a mug of tea, though he would prefer hot chocolate, and some pain potions, then she makes him sleep for a while. “Lily can come see you when you wake up.” She says, closing the door to the room she’s moved him to. She says she usually keeps the room for the worst of her patients, and, well, he’s one of the worst she’s ever seen.

Remus closes his eyes, and falls asleep, though his dreams are odd, and quite frankly, disturbing, filled with blood, and screaming. When he wakes up, he hears the turning of a page in a book.

“Oh, Remus, you’re awake.” Come Lily’s voice.

“How did you know I was awake?” He croaks, opening his eyes slowly.

“You’re breathing wasn’t as deep as it is when you’re asleep.” She says simply.

“That’s slightly disturbing, Lily.” He says, laughing, though it comes out harsh on his raw throat, it still hurts from all the howling he did last night.

“I’ll be right back. I’m only allowed to be back here as long as I tell Madame Pomfrey when you wake up.” Lily says, hopping down from her chair, and closing the door quietly behind her.

Remus takes stalk of all his injuries, all the aches and pains in his body. He can feel every cut and slash burn, and all of his joints ache, while his skin feels too small, almost stretched, on his body. He groans when he sits up, looking down at the blood stained bandages all over his exposed upper body. He winces looking at it. Most of his cuts were very large, and magic only goes so far when the cuts and slashes are from a werewolf.

“Ah, good, you’re awake.” Madame Pomfrey says, opening the door. She goes about checking his bandages, and asking him about headaches or anything else that hurts. Remus doesn’t want to take any more Pain Potion, it makes him sleepy, and he wants to be good company for Lily.

“Alright,” She agrees after several minutes of Remus protesting. “Don’t stay too long, Ms. Evans, and don’t roughhouse either.” She tells them both.

“Of course, Madame Pomfrey.” Lily says, sitting down and pulling the chess board out from the bottom of the bed. “I had to smuggle it in.” Lily tells him proudly.

Remus smiles, glad she doesn’t say anything about how he looks right now, he knows many cuts around his face with scar, and he isn’t looking forward to the stares. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Don’t mention anything.” She says with a wink, and he even manages a little laugh. “Now, do you want to be black or white?”

“Black.” Remus always plays black. They set up the board in silence, before Lily makes the first move, one of her pawns, moving it two places. “How did they take you asking for my chess board?” Remus asks, moving one of his pawns two places, too.

“I told them that you forgot to get the board, and you were going to be late, so I was going to get the board for Madam Pomfrey to give to you at St. Mungo’s.” She explains, taking one of his pawns. “By the way, don’t any of you ever clean your dormitory? You’ve only been back for a month, and it’s already a wreck.” She has a look of disapproval on her face, reminding him of his mum when he forgets to do something important.

“That mess is purely James and Peter.” Remus says, laughing.

“That makes sense.” She says, smiling.

Remus jumps her queen, and she scowls, thinking hard about her next move, taking his knight with her bishop.

“Oh. I thought you might like some candy.” She says suddenly, as if she just remembered she brought some, and pulls out two chocolate frogs, one for each of them. “Sirius told me how much you enjoy it.” She smiles at him, opening his package, since his left hand is currently broken, and re-growing.

“Thank you, Lily.” He says, accepting the candy.

“You’re welcome.”

They play in silence for a while, until they are down to Lily’s king, her bishops, three pawns and a knight, and Remus has his queen, king, a rook, a knight, and his bishop.

Lily moves her knight, jumping Remus’s bishop, something he planned, hoping she’d take the bait. “Check.” Remus says, taking his queen, and jumping her king.

“What? No! How’d you do that? I was so certain I had you!” She exclaims, though, not too loudly, since she didn’t want to get kicked out.

“Don’t feel bad, it takes a lot of practice. I’ve been playing with my dad since I was three.” Remus tells her, helping her clean up the pieces, and starting to feel very tired.

“You should sleep. I’ll come back after dinner, yeah? That should give you a lot of time to rest up for match two!” She says, smiling widely, storing the board under the bed.

“Alright. See you then! And Lily? Thank you for coming.”

“It’s okay, I wanted to.” She smiles, leaning over and giving him a very, very, very loose hug, before grabbing her bag, and turning off the lights, and leaving. Remus rolls over, and closes his eyes, ready for another nap.

 

\--------------------

Remus is allowed to leave the hospital wing on Sunday afternoon, and he packs up his clothes and chessboard, and changes his own bandages, since Madame Pomfrey is dealing with some Quidditch player who got hit with one too many bludgers, but Lily tells them Gryffindor one against Slytherin, even though their keeper got a bludger to the head, because their seeker, a skinny blonde seventh year, caught the golden snitch. Remus wishes he could go and see Michael, because he knows he’s the Gryffindor’s keeper, but he knows how he looks right now, and he doesn’t want questions.

Lily walks with him to the Common Room, telling him about the game.

“Oh, I wish you could have seen it!” She says, carrying the chess board. “The game was so close! We almost lost! But we didn’t, and now we have to wait for Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw to see who we will face to win the Quidditch cup! Sugar Quill. I must say, I think Severus is angry with me for celebrating, but he’s been being a git recently, so I’ll let him stew for a day or two.”

“I’ll be right back, I’m just going to place these in the dormitory, then we can go to dinner.” Remus says, walking up the stairs to the room, and hearing voices inside, he knows his friends are in there. He opens the door, and steps into the room, and sees them all on James’ bed, still in their scarves and gloves.

 

“Remus! We didn’t know when you’d be back, but mate, you missed the best Quidditch match… Ever! But we won, I can tell you that!” James says, jumping off the bed. “Now that you’re here though, let’s go to dinner. I’m famished!”

“Okay, Lily is down there, too, I hope you don’t mind, I ran into her, and I need her help with my Astronomy homework.” Remus says, placing his chess board under the bed.

“Eh, if you have to.” James says, crossing his arms, and acting wounded. “I suppose my heart will heal.”

“Don’t be a prat!” Sirius says, smacking him over the head. “Evans isn’t that bad, mate.”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, I’m starving!” James says, laughing. They begin to file out, and James stops Remus, a hand on his shoulder. “I really don’t mind, yeah? I’m glad you had a safe trip back.” He says, smiling.

“Thanks James.” Remus smiles back, and they follow the other two down to dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that! I guess it was more or less a filler chapter? idk xD
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/followed/bookmarked/reviewed/gave Kudos! It means a lot! 
> 
> Please review! Constructive criticism it encouraged! <3
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> ~Elliott


	10. She Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I OWN NOTHING! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the Wizarding World, and Sia owns the chapter title, and the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter.
> 
> Hey, I;m so sorry it has taken me this long! I had a really important paper I had to write for school, and my uncle is getting married next week, so everything is kind of stressful this week! I'm sorry, I don't know if the next chapter will be next week, or at the beginning of November :( Sorry!

_A shot in the dark_  
_A past lost in space_  
_Where do I start?_  
_The past and the chase_  
_You hunted me down_  
_Like a wolf, a predator_  
_I felt like a deer in the lights_

 

Remus couldn’t believe how fast his first was moving! February, which is usually very slow going, moved by faster than a blink of the eye! And March brought with it the melting of the snow, and milder weather. Ravenclaw beat Slytherin securing them a spot against Gryffindor in the championship, which would be in May, giving both teams enough time to practice and gain strategy. Remus sat in on a couple on their practices, and nobody even cared! He even brought James with him a few times.

“I can’t wait for next year! I’m going to try out for seeker!” James says, on the edge of his seat watching them practice.

“You’ll do great, James.” Remus says, smiling, and toning down his shivering, or else James would insist they go back inside. He had become quite the mother hen of their little group.

James just looks over at him, and smiles widely.

Lily was there after his next two Transformations. She was getting better at chess, and she even brought him books, though he never stayed when it was a school day, even though Madame Pomfrey and she protested, saying he needed more time to heal, but he said he really needed to get to his studies.

“Really, Lily, I cannot afford to fall behind, or have someone catch on, not if Snape is spreading rumors, too.”

Lily nods gravely, and walks him to breakfast.

\-----

Remus was looking forward to the exams, he was second best in every class, aside from Potions, and he can’t wait to show his parents his grades! Only three months left in their first year, and Remus was going to make the most of every moment with his friends, before he spends the next three by himself once more, until September.

“I really don’t understand your enthusiasm.” Sirius grumbles, shaking his head, and laying down under a big tree, shading his eyes from. “How do you find excitement in this? And you’re preparing now? They aren’t for another few months.”

“I enjoy schoolwork, is that so bad?” Remus asks, a slight smile on his face. “You’ll do fine, you are all as good as I am, stop acting like I’m the best. We all know that title belongs to Lily.”

“True. Where is she anyway?” James asks, sitting down next to Sirius.

“Said something about meeting with Snivellus in the library.” Peter says, shrugging, and turning back to his Charms homework. Charms was his worst subject, and he was afraid of failing.

“Remus… We’re good friends right?” Sirius asks, after sharing a look with James. They have begun to notice something between Remus and Lily, like they’re keeping secrets; they don’t mean to feel jealous, it’s just that they were friends with Remus longer, and it seemed like Lily was a better friend than they were.

“Yeah, my best friends. What’s wrong?” Remus asks, putting his book down.

“Well, it’s just…” Sirius doesn’t know how to breach the subject. He hasn’t had friends until last September! How is he supposed to know how to confront people kindly?

“Has Lily been a better friend than us, though?” James asks, seeing Sirius struggle.

“What? What is this about?” Remus asks, putting his walls up, he doesn’t like the way this conversation is going. Had he been so mean that they thought he valued Lily higher than them? Sure, she was one of his best friends, but he was allowed to have more than one!

“Well, it’s just… You two seem to be sharing a special bond… Like you’re more comfortable with her than you are with us.” Peter says.

“That’s stupid. What- where did this even come from? Lily and I are very good friends, yes, but you three are my best friends!”

“But you don’t seem to be able to be yourself around us… Does she know something we don’t?” Sirius asks, though he is about as uncomfortable as Remus is. “Are you very ill or something? Is that why you leave once a month? James saw your mum, and he said she looked very healthy, not like someone who needs constant care from Mungo’s.”

“Lily just understands something… Something I don’t think anyone else can. That doesn’t mean she’s a better friend than you three, she’s just... A different kind of friend. And I’m not ill… not really.” Remus fidgets with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Then why are you constantly pale, and plagued with migraines, and other various states of sick?” Peter asks, trying to take Remus’ hand.

Remus jerks away from them. “You wouldn’t understand!”

“Try us! Maybe we can understand, too!” James says. He wants Remus to feel comfortable with them! He doesn’t like seeing him look so alone, so vulnerable, a look that hasn’t ever truly left him, even when he became friends with them, it only lessens slightly.

“I-I can’t! I just can’t! You wouldn’t understand! It’s something I can’t share!” Remus says, the beginnings of a panic attack gripping his lungs.

“Then why did you tell Lily?” Sirius asks, looking hurt, making Remus feel sick. He really shouldn’t have come here. This was a stupid idea, to think he could be normal! That idea was laughable.

“I-I…”

“Remus… Please, trust us! It can’t be that bad. I mean, you aren’t a vampire or something, are you?” James asks with a nervous laugh.

Remus’ body goes cold. James’ guess is too close to the truth; he has to get out of here. He has to run somewhere, get to somewhere that he can hide until they drop it, or maybe he starves, or something. He just can’t be here right now.

“Remus?” They’re all looking at him, waiting for some sort of answer, an answer he’ll guard with his heart for his whole life, if he can help it.

“Leave me alone!” He shouts, standing. “I can’t tell you! I can’t! Please don’t make me!” He says, voice tight from the strain holding back tears.

“Remus. Remus, it’s fine! You don’t have to tell us anything!” James says, holding his hands up as a sign of forfeit.

“I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted! Please, just leave me alone.” He grabs his bag, and takes off, running back to the castle, leaving his friends behind, hurt and confused.

He runs through the halls, avoiding everyone, and ignoring those who ask what’s wrong. He doesn’t stop until he nearly knocks Lily over.

“Remus?” asks Lily, trying to catch his eye, but he also sees another pair of shoes that, much like his own, are second hand, nearly falling apart. Snape.

“It’s nothing,” he says, trying to catch his breath, and get away, because if he says anything, Snape will have all the proof he needs to have Remus thrown out of Hogwarts. “I have to go, excuse me, Snape.” He whispers, sidestepping them, and ignoring Lily’s voice, asking for explanation, and Snape’s curious, but cruel look.

Once he gets back into their Dormitory, he hides in his bed. He tries to think rationally; but he isn’t feeling too rational right now! He always knew this would happen, they would expect something, they would get close to figuring that something was wrong with him. James was way too close to the truth. He knows he’ll have to leave soon… He’ll need to drop out… Maybe he could be homeschooled. Some wizards do that for their children.

Remus’ chest feels tight, and he can feel the wolf inside him, close to the surface, after all, the full moon was last night, and it wouldn’t settle for another few days. He gets up, and begins to pace. Maybe he could ask to change his room. Frank Longbottom and his Roommate might have an extra bed, and they wouldn’t want to be his friends, he was better friends with one of their other classmates, Alice.

He can feel himself begin to hyperventilate, and he knows he needs to calm down… He goes over to the window, and struggles to open the window, but it is really wound tight, and his body is shaking too much, all he does is cut his palm on the sharp edge.

Remus hisses, and draws his hand back, and inspects to damage, wincing. He goes over to his trunk, the pain giving him something to focus on, to calm him down, he only just realized tears were slowly making their way down his cheeks, and he wipes them away roughly, and bandages his hand, none too gently, and realizes he has classes, classes he shouldn’t miss, that are most likely going on right now, break being only fifteen minutes, but he couldn’t find it in him to actually care right now. He pulls his school vest off, and crawls into bed, trying to calm his tears.

 

\-------------------

Sirius feels guilt flood his stomach when Remus doesn’t show up for Charms, or Transfiguration. James, Peter and him share a worried look, they look guilty too.

“Mr. Black, do you know where your friend, Mr. Lupin is?” Professor McGonagall asks, after calling Remus’ name out four times.

“Um, he mentioned something about a stomach ache at break?” Sirius lies, though he must admit, it is pretty weak.

McGonagall looks at him for a minute, clearly seeing the lie. Though, Sirius expects she knows something he doesn’t and she just nods, calling the next name.

James quickly takes the vacant seat next to Sirius while McGonagall’s back is turned, and begins whispering rapidly. “Sirius, what if he doesn’t want to talk to us? I’d hate to have him go back to being on his own, especially since, because of us, so many Slytherin’s are cold towards him. “

“I know, James. But I don’t think there is anything we can do right now.” Sirius whispers back, feeling sick with guilt.

“I get that, I don’t want him to be uncomfortable, but he doesn’t really have that many other friends, yeah? What if he gets cornered, like back in October?”

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, pay attention.” McGonagall scolds, going back to her lesson.

“We’ll keep an eye on him, until he’s comfortable talking to us again, okay? That way he can have his space, but we can also make sure he’s okay. And he also has Lily.” Sirius reminds him.

“Right…” James says, knowing that right now, they’ll have to rely on Lily, even if he doesn’t understand what she found out, and why Remus can’t share what is bothering him; they just need to give it some time.

They all focus really hard, taking notes for Remus in all the classes that he missed, and covering for his absence.

By the time classes ended, they had all come to terms that Remus would most likely be staying in the dorm, and James decided to smuggle a platter of food up to the dorms for him, since he missed lunch, and was missing dinner.

“What are you three doing?” Lily asked, peering curiously over her side of the table, as they were whispering rapidly, and taking pieces of food off of different platters on the table.

“Nothing!” James and Peter say.

“Peter gets hungry during the nights!” Sirius says, unconvincingly.

Lily giggles, and turns back to her own food. “Tell Remus I hope he feels better, yeah?” She says, knowing the real reason all along, she just wanted to see their excuses.

“Sure.” James says distractedly.

They weren’t exactly sure what they were going to do, or how they’d secretly get the plate of food to Remus, without him knowing it was from them.

“I mean, let’s be serious.” James says. “He’s obviously going to know it’s us, who else would want to go into out dorm?”

“True, that means we can give him our notes, too!” Peter says, taking out a thick stack of parchment, and placing it under a plate of rolls.

“Good idea, mate.” Sirius says, gripping his side of the platter tighter, as they head up the stairs.

When they got up to their dorm, they realized Remus’ bed curtains were closed tightly. They looked at each other awkwardly. Now what? They obviously hadn’t gotten this far in their plan. They expected his curtains to be open, then they could give him the food, and leave him alone for the night. But this? They have no clue what to do about this…

“What now?” James mouths.

Sirius shrugs, looking lost and worried. He hasn’t had friends up until this year, and he doesn’t know how to deal with accidentally hurting their feelings! What if Remus really doesn’t want to talk to them after this? What then?

“Remus?” Peter asks, voice shaking. “We brought you some dinner… You must be starving…”

“We’ll just leave it here, yeah?” James says, scratching the back of his neck, something Sirius has noticed he only does when he’s uncomfortable.

Sirius sets the platter down carefully, and all three of them head back down to the Common Room in sullen moods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, short chapter, and that I made it angsty again!! I promise it'll get happier soon!!
> 
> Thank you to anyone who has read/reviewed/bookmarked/given my fic kudos! It means so much! <3
> 
> Please review! Constructive criticism is encouraged!
> 
> ~Elliott


	11. Battle Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I OWN NOTHING! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the Wizarding World, and Paradise Fears own the chapter title and the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter. 
> 
> Ayye!! First year is coming to a close! I'll probably have three more chapters for this part, and then Second Year and so on I'll divide into different parts :) This is exciting! Chapters should be back to normal now that everything has settled down, too! 
> 
> Enjoy!

_I'll carry you home._   
_No, you're not alone._   
_Keep marching on,_   
_This is worth fighting for,_   
_You know we've all got battle scars._   
_You've had enough,_   
_But just don't give up._   
_Stick to your guns,_   
_You are worth fighting for._   
_You know we've all got battle scars._   
_Keep marching on._

 

Remus keeps his distance from his friends for the next few days. He sits with Lily, keeps his head down in classes, and focuses on doing well in his work. Professor McGonagall was worried, she could see that something was wrong and not just from his quietness in classes and mealtimes, but she could also see it in Potter, Black, and Pettigrew’s faces when Remus would walk right past them after Transfiguration, and right to the door, never lifting his head once. She wasn’t the only one worried, either. Flitwick, and the other teachers would ask her at different points of the day; Slughorn says Remus’s potions were worse than usual.

She didn’t know what to do. She knew from the little knowledge she knew about werewolves that if Remus was upset, it wouldn’t bode well with his wolf. The more stress on him, the more distressed his wolf would be, and if the constant state of exhaustion the small boy was in is anything to go by, she knew that things wouldn’t go well for him on the moon… She didn’t want to interfere, but Remus was one of her best pupils, and he was a charming young boy… She wouldn’t interfere… Much.

She opens her classroom a few minutes after she got there, and sure enough, Remus was sitting with his back to the wall next to her door. “I’ve told you many times, Remus, you can come in in the morning, you don’t have to wait, all you need to do is knock.” She tells him fondly.

Remus smiles sheepishly, picking up his bag, and entering the classroom. “Thank you, Professor.” He says, sitting down in his usual spot, in the middle of the room. “Do you need any help preparing the lesson this morning?”

“No. No, we are only reviewing today.” She says, placing parchments filled with test questions on them. She usually let Remus help, but today he seemed more exhausted than he has since he befriended his roommates. His wide, honey-brown eyes were dull, bloodshot, and had massive, bruised bags under them, no eleven-year-old should have, and his skin was paper white, scars standing out even more than usual, and she can even see freckles on the bridge of his nose. She needed to get to the bottom of this. Today.

“Remus, is everything quite alright?” She asks, setting the last test down.

“What? Oh, yeah…” Remus says, seemingly breaking out of a trance, eyes glassy.

She frowns tightly. “Remus, please, I’ve been able to detect the lies of my students longer than even your father has been alive. It is practically my job.” She jokes, then turns serious once more. “You can tell me anything.” She says kindly.

Remus fidgets, brilliant little mind trying to find a way out of this. “I… It’s nothing, really, Professor.”

“Remus. I need to make sure that my students, especially the ones in my house, are alright. And it is obvious that you are not. Now, please? Will you tell me? That way maybe we can sort this out, you can rest easier.”

Remus’ shoulders drop, defeated. “My friends have noticed that there’s something wrong with me… They know I’m not telling the truth. They know the lie about my mum isn’t is just that… A lie. Because James met her, and then Lily found out, but she understood… She believes that I’m good, but I can’t expect that of them! I mean, James and Sirius are purebloods! Who knows what things they have been taught since they were babies! I can’t expect them to understand, and accept me for what I am!” Remus says, getting worked up, shoulders tense.

“Remus, they’re your friends. They would do anything for you. And I don’t know if you have noticed, but Mr. Black resents everything his parents stand for, so he would probably accept you, just to spite them.” That gets a small smile out of Remus. “But they would accept you even if they were from different families, because they see you for who you are; a smart, talented, charming young man, with a big heart, who cares for everyone.” Remus feels a lump grow in his throat, touched by what she has told him, that she thinks these things about him. “I am not trying to pressure you into anything, but know this; they are your friends, and they love you. Sooner or later, whether you tell them or not, they will find out about your condition. They are smart boys.”

Remus nods, looking down at his desk, too choked up to reply. She understands, and smiles gently at him. She goes over to the door, and unlocks it. Soon, students file in, taking their seats. Remus diligently keeps his head down as he hears James, Sirius, and Peter enter. He can feel their eyes on him, as they take their seats behind him, and he can hear their whispered conversation. If he wasn’t a werewolf though, he doubts he would.

“Do you suppose he’s doing okay?” Peter asks, in a whisper that’s slightly louder than the other two.

“I’m not sure, Pete… Did you lads see him at breakfast? I don’t think he slept last night…”

Remus feels his face flush. He was distracted last night, and it took him a little longer to finish his homework… Well, longer than a little longer… It took him all night. He had been afraid they would throw him out if he didn’t ace his Potions test today, and his mind kept coming up with different scenarios on how they would do it. Maybe Dumbledore would kindly tell him that there wasn’t room for wizards who didn’t get good grades, that there were many more qualified wizards who could take his place, or maybe he’d be thrown out in the middle of the night, trunk and all, and made to find his own way home… Or maybe Dumbledore would be fed up with him, and come crashing into the Potions class, and tell everyone that he has decided that werewolves are no longer welcome in Hogwarts, and he had made a huge mistake, and then he’d be thrown out of the school… Logically, he knows that it’s all rubbish, but he has been running on six cups of coffee and anxiety, so his mind is a little out of sorts recently.

“I don’t think he did… He was there last night when we went to bed at one, and he was at the same place we left him at six this morning when I got up.” Sirius says, concern evident in his whispering voice.

Remus feels an ache in his chest. What does he do? He misses them so, so much. How is it possible to miss someone who is so close by? He puts his head down in his arms in his desk, trying to blink the tears out of his exhausted, stinging eyes, while Professor McGonagall regains order in the classroom.

He sniffles, subtly rubbing a hand under his eyes, before focusing on the test in front of him. The words blur in front of him, and he blinks, trying to wet his burning, dry eyes. It doesn’t work, which panics him. He needs to get out of here, now, before he does something stupid, like have a panic attack, or burst into tears.

He raises his hand, getting Professor McGonagall’s attention. “Yes, Mr. Lupin?” She asks, setting her spectacles down on the table in front of her.

“I feel ill… May I be excused?” He asks, voice wavering slightly.

She furrows her thin brow in concern. “Of course. Go and see Madame Pomfrey.”

“Thank you, Professor.” Remus says, giving her a thankful smile, quickly gathering his things, and rushing out of the room.

He shuts the door, but still hears the faint sound of Sirius’ voice. “May I use the restroom, Professor? I’ve had SO much tea with breakfast.”

McGonagall scoffs, but allows him, as he insists he’s ten seconds from wetting himself, much to the amusement of his fellow classmates, who begin to snicker.

Remus begins to make his way quickly down the corridor, dodging sixth and seventh years who have free period.

“Remus! Remus wait up!” Sirius shouts, catching up with him, and placing a hand on his shoulder. Remus stiffens.

“Yes?” He asks, stiffly.

“Remus… Are you okay? No, wait, that’s a stupid question. James, Pete and I are very sorry… It’s none of our business. We shouldn’t have pushed. You’ll tell us when you’re ready… And if you never are… Well, we can live with that. Remus, we miss you. Please don’t be angry with us anymore. Please?” Sirius asks, looking like a kicked puppy, grey eyes wide, and a little sad.

Remus sighs, dejectedly. He isn’t mad at them. Even if he was, the look on Sirius’ face resigns him to his fate. He can never stay angry at Sirius. Though he already found this out back in November, after Sirius dumped his ink pot all over Remus’s homework, and Sirius gave him the exact same look for an entire day.

“I’m not angry… I never was, Sirius.” He says, turning to look at Sirius in the deserted corridor.

“Y-You weren’t? Then why were you avoiding us for a week?” Sirius asks confused. “Never mind, again, stupid question, obviously you were hurt. We really are sorry, Rem… Really, really sorry.”

Remus smiles at the nickname, feeling very warm, and pulls Sirius into a hug. He feels Sirius smile against his shoulder, and he can’t help smiling back. The knot in his chest unravels, and he takes the first full breath for the first time in a week.

“I suppose there’s no way to convince you to return to class… Siri?” Remus asks, still hugging Sirius.

Sirius laughs at his own new nickname. “Nope.” He whispers.

“Well, do you want to return to the Common Room? I have homework still, and so do you.” Remus says, pulling back.

“What?! How do you know that?” Sirius asks, shocked, yet slightly awed.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you lads.” Remus says, bumping his shoulder with Sirius’s.

Sirius stops in his tracks, staring at Remus. “Sirius? Are you okay?” Remus asks nervously.

“Y-Yeah… It’s just… We hurt you, and you had every right to hate our guts, and yet… You watched us, making sure we were alright… I’m just… Not used to people who are as nice as you lads…” Sirius says, blushing, but trying to cover it up, by crossing his arms, and trying to look uninterested. Remus feels his heart squeeze, it’s obvious that Sirius wasn’t shown actual love from anyone up until last September, and he doesn’t know that you can still care for someone, even when they hurt you.

Remus smiles sadly. “I’m sorry you aren’t used to people being nice, and having you in their priorities… You deserve to have nice people in your life, Siri…”

Sirius smiles at him gently, before looking away and changing the subject. “You know, I could look over you Potions homework. If you’d like, that is. I know that’s kind of been you yours and Lily’s thing, but I just thought I’d offer, because I’m here and all-“

“Sirius? Of course, if that’s something you want to do.” Remus says with a laugh, affectively cutting off his rambling.

“Great. Quaffle.” Sirius tells the Fat Lady.

“Aren’t you two supposed to be in Transfiguration?” She asks suspiciously.

“Yeah, but we just didn’t feel like it.” Sirius says, nonchalantly, though he’s smirking a little. Remus can’t help but smile at his friend’s antics.

The Fat Lady scoffs, but allows them to enter, swinging open, and the two Gryffindors clamber on in. A few students litter the Common Room, mostly Seventh years, cramming for their N.E.W.T’s that were coming up. Remus is silently sympathetic for them. He’s a first year, and he’s nervous about his own upcoming exams.

“Come on, it’ll be quieter up in our dorm.” Sirius says, grabbing Remus’ hand, and yanking him up the stairs towards the dorm. Remus laughs, his body not feeling the exhaustion of four sleepless nights. He feels back to normal, wolf practically purring in his chest. Remus decidedly ignores what that must mean. It’s something he can deal with… Another time.

“Here it is… I know it isn’t that good, I mean, I was up all night writing it, but, yeah...” Remus trails off, biting his already butchered nails.

“Don’t worry, mate, I’m sure you did fine.” Sirius says, already reading. Remus watches anxiously as Sirius reads through it carefully, eyebrows furrowing, and head shaking unconsciously as he reads the wrong answers. When he finishes, he looks up, trying to mask his sympathetic expression, and Remus groans.

“How poorly did I do?” He groans, bracing himself for the outcome.

“Not too bad… There are a few mistakes, I’ll fix those, though, and we can go over them tonight, yeah? Old Sluggy won’t be too harsh on you. And we’re only doing review for the next few weeks to get us ready for exams. I’ll help with the Potions part, too. Don’t worry.” Sirius says, reassuringly.

Remus lets out a stressed sigh, and nods. Realistically he knows Sirius is right, he’s just under a lot of stress, and he hates himself for it, but he almost can’t wait for the term to be over, so he can go home for three months and forget about everything for a while. “Thanks, Sirius.”

Sirius smiles. “No problem, just give me a minute, then we can head down to lunch.” Sirius says, squeezing his shoulder, then he jumps up, and runs over to a desk where Remus keeps all his spare quills and ink pots. Remus never understood how Sirius had so much energy. Honestly, he reminded Remus of a dog sometimes, bounding from one place to another, smile permanently on his face. Sirius victoriously fist pumps the air, having found what he needed, fishing a quill and pot out, before he makes a few touch ups to Remus’s paper, smiling encouragingly at Remus every few minutes. “Really, Rem, this is probably the best you’ve done so far!”

Remus smiles gratefully at him. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Any time.” Sirius says, winking, and putting the last few finishing touches on the paper. “There, Sluggy won’t know the difference. Come on, let’s go have lunch. James and Pete should be getting out of Transfiguration soon. There is absolutely no way I’m sending you to Potions on an empty stomach. Yes, Remus, I know you haven’t been eating, you aren’t the only one keeping an eye out for your friends.” Sirius says, smiling, as he rolls up Remus’s parchment, and handing it to him.

Remus just stares at him for a moment. He knew they watched him, but he didn’t know it was this close… He felt very warm in his chest again. He gets up, and follows Sirius out of their Dorm and Common Room.

“You two better not skip any more classes, or I will alert the headmaster!” The Fat Lady calls after them.

“Yeah, yeah!” Sirius says, laughing, and waving at her, as they walk down to the Great Hall, where students were gathered for lunch.

They sit down at the Gryffindor table, near Michael and his friends. “Hey, Remus, we’re having a practice later this afternoon if you wanted to bring your friend to watch again. He was pretty enthusiastic in his cheering last game, making up these wonderful chants about the other team’s players, it was brilliant.” He says, laughing.

Remus laughs, too. “Sure, thanks Michael, he’ll be thrilled to hear that.” Remus says, sitting down, and Sirius begins filling his plate.

“You’ve lost weight, mate. Eat up!” Sirius says, smiling.

Remus laughs, but doesn’t say anything, secretly feeling grateful Sirius cares this much. It means so much to him.

James and Peter enter a few minutes later, and come over to sit with them.

“You didn’t come back, mate.” James says, slightly smiling, but also confused.

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that, Remus needed help with Potion’s homework.”

“Well, Professor McGonagall told us to tell you not to drink so much next time, she doesn’t appreciate her students spending an entire lesson in the toilet.” James said, laughing.

“Will do, mate.” Sirius says, laughing, too.

They fell back into their easy way of friendship flawlessly; nobody mentioned Remus’s absence.

\-------

In April, James couldn’t help but notice something odd while doing his Astronomy homework. They were working on a star chart for this month, and as exams got closer and closer, James found himself paying extra attention to the subjects he wasn’t exactly acing, like Charms, Astronomy, and Herbology, and he noticed that Remus, once again, was absent on the day of the full moon… That’s odd, he thought, Remus left earlier that night, to go see his ill mum, and James realized something he didn’t exactly think was coincidence, and quickly ran up to their Dorm, and riffled around in his trunk looking for his stack of past Astronomy star charts, and when his hand brushed the thick pile of parchment, he pulled it out, and took it over to his bed, sitting down, he looked at the dates on them, and remembered which ones Remus was absent for, and which he was present.

He divided them into two stacks, and checked the phases of the moon. His brow furrowed when he saw that Remus was absent for each class where the moon was full… That had to be a coincidence, right? Was Remus’s mum a… A werewolf? Could that be true? He recalled how she looked when he met her over Christmas break, and then the pictures they were shown during DADA of werewolves shifted, and again when they were just humans, and she didn’t fit… Her smooth, cream colored skin was flawless, there were no marks or blemishes on her face, aside from the same smattering of freckles Remus possessed…

Remus… No! That couldn’t be true!... Could it? James thought back to their lessons about weres, and everyone depicted them as savage, bloodthirsty, cruel brutes. Not Remus, who was quiet, intelligent, kind, and so patient with everyone…

No. It had to be a coincidence… But what if it wasn’t? He always had new scars every time he returned from his supposed visits to his ill mum, and if he wasn’t abused by them, this seemed very likely as option two.

James worried his thumbnail in his mouth, as he thinks back to every time Remus left to “visit” his mum, and it all lined up, the time of the month, just like tonight, and the new scars, the ever-present exhaustion that plagued of his frail friend, especially when the full moon loomed closer and closer, his above average sense of smell and hearing they often used when pulling pranks… it all made perfect sense… He’d have to do some research before he could be completely, one hundred percent sure, but that realization didn’t help the sudden dread in the pit of his stomach, it made him feel ill… If this was true, and one of his best friends was a monster- NO! Remus wasn’t a monster! The furthest thing from it, in fact! He needed to get over his prejudice… His friend went through enough as it is.

But this meant that everything he had ever been taught must be a lie then, right? Surely if Remus was… Was a werewolf, then that meant not every werewolf was as savage and bloodthirsty, right?

James groans, rubbing his eyes under his glasses with shaking hands. He wouldn’t tell anyone until he got more proof. He’d have to do research, something he was dreading, but this was for Remus, so he’d muddle through it. After all, Remus had done so much for them already, this was the least James could do for him, right?

“Hey James, what are you doing up here?” Sirius asks, coming through the door, Peter flanking him.

“Oh, you know, I just needed a reference for my Astronomy, I forgot how Orion was spelt.” James says, voice shaky, and lie evident, it was so weak, but Sirius doesn’t push it, though he can see that his friend sees right through it.

“Well, I could have helped you with that, that’s my father’s name.” Sirius says, coming to sit next to him.

“Yeah, well, you were busy playing wizards chess with Pete, so…” James shrugs, putting his homework away, back in his trunk, silently determined to help Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it! As I said, there will probably be two or three chapters in this part of the story, and I have a plot going now guys! An actual plot haha xD I like to think James would be smart enough, he's a very sweet mother hen, and he loves his boys! xD 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/bookmarked/gave kudos to my story!!! It means so much!
> 
> Please review! Constructive criticism gives me life! 
> 
> ~Elliott


	12. Goner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the Wizarding World. Twenty One Pilots own the chapter title, and the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter!
> 
> TW: this chapter has child abuse in it!! please don't read if that will trigger you!!!
> 
> Okay, wow, I'm sorry it has taken me this long, I meant to post this last weekend, but my sister had to go to the hospital ((she's doing so much better now, thankfully)) and then I decided to combine two chapters, so I hope the extra long chapter will make up for it!! Also, sorry, angst train up ahead, oops! ((the next year for them should be less angsty omg xD))  
> I hope you enjoy!!!

_Though I'm weak_  
_Beaten down_  
_I'll slip away_  
_Into the sound_  
_The ghost of you_  
_Is close to me_  
_I'm inside out_  
_You're underneath_

 

James did as much research as he could between studying for exams, planning pranks, and hanging out with his friends. He didn’t think it was enough though, seeing as everything he found he already knew, like how you had to be bitten by a transformed werewolf to be turned, and how so far there has been no cure, that silver dust helped close wounds, and that no one knew what would happen if a werewolf helped make a baby. There were other books, but they were in the restricted section, and he needed a written slip of permission from one of his teachers to allow him access, or be taking O.W.L or N.E.W.T level classes to be given access to those books, and he, a first year, would never be given permission to access those books.

He resigned himself to watch Remus closely for the remainder of the school year, which was quickly coming to an end. They were being given piles of homework, which, to any other Wizard or Witch in years above them would be a dream to be doing, to them it was becoming hard to keep up with. There was only a little more than month left in school, and James was going home for Easter Holidays, same for Peter, Remus and, surprisingly, Sirius, too. They’d be leaving today, and once again, James hadn’t started packing until five that morning.

“I have priorities, okay? This just… wasn’t that high on my list…” He says, trying to shut his trunk. Truth was, he was up until the early hours of the morning in the library under his invisibility cloak. “I didn’t know you were even going home, Sirius.” He changes the subject.

“I can’t hide from them forever. Might as well ease myself into it.” He says with a self-deprecating grin. He had received an owl telling him he’d be in big trouble if he didn’t come back for Easter Holidays. He apparently embarrassed them by not returning for Christmas, and they were already furious at him for getting Gryffindor, so he knew not to push them. He didn’t tell his friends this, of course. It was normal for parents to act this way when they were cross with their children. Right?

Remus frowns, but says nothing, turning back to his book. He was looking forward to seeing his mum and dad, it had been months! He missed them so much, and his father said that Fenrir had been keeping quiet in the recent months, so there wasn’t him to worry about ruining this holiday, too!

“We should come up with an end of term prank. A really big one.” Peter says, placing the last few things in his trunk.

“Brilliant idea, mate. We’ll all think about it over Holiday, and tell each other our ideas when we get back!” Sirius says, picking up his trunk to carry outside to the train.

“I’m going to go say goodbye to Lily. She said she’s staying for Easter.” Remus says, putting his book down, and heading down to the Common Room to look for his friend. He looked around the Common Room, only to find that Lily wasn’t there, and Marlene said she wasn’t in the girl’s Dorms, so Remus looked for the next likely place: The Library.

He climbed through the portrait hole, and rushed through a few halls, and down two staircases, hoping to find Lily before he had to leave. He wanted to thank her again for staying with him these last few months after his Transformation, he got her some chocolate for Easter he wanted to give her, too.  
He quietly entered the library, closing the door behind him, and silently padded through the shelves of books, hoping to catch sign of a red head of hair. After four or five sections, he came upon her, reading out of a giant book, face focused. Remus smiled fondly, and sat down next to her. She looks up, and smiles, too. “Remus!” She whispers, placing her finger on the place she was reading, and turned her attention to him. “I thought you were going home?”

“I am, but I thought I’d say bye first.” He says, pulling a bar of chocolate out of his bag. “Here. Happy Easter.” He smiles. “I’d hide that, though, or Madame Pince will have an aneurism, thinking we’re trying to dirty all of her books.” He says, laughing quietly.

“Oh, that is so sweet of you! Thank you, Remus!” She says, hiding the candy in her own bag. “I’m staying here because most of the Slytherins are heading home, except for Severus, I’m staying so he isn’t lonely.” She tells him.

“That’s very kind of you, Lily.” Remus tells her.

Lily grins. “Are your friends going home, too?”

“Yes, we’ll be leaving soon.”

“Even Sirius?” She asks, tilting her head to the side.

Remus laughs. “Yes, even Sirius. You’ll get a break from the ‘Black Charm’.” He says, quoting Sirius’ own words.

Lil laughs too. “That’s not what I meant. I like Sirius, once you get past his slightly obnoxious personality, he’s actually quite nice when he thinks no one is watching.”

Remus smiles, and agrees. “He really is. You’d be surprised if you didn’t know him well.”

Lily smiles softly at him, then gasps suddenly. “You’re going to be late! You should go now! I hope you have a good Holiday, try to stay out of trouble!” She says, shoving him out of the Library doors, though Remus suspects there’s another reason behind his being thrown out of the Library by the small redhead, but he doesn’t question it, just laughs, and follows her lead, the heavy doors thumping closed.  
Remus shakes his head, and starts for the Great Hall where they’ll be escorted to Honey Dukes train station.

“There you are!” James says, slinging an arm around Remus’s shoulders, and guides him into the mess of students who are going home for Easter. “We were beginning to think that you might have been distracted up in the Library, and we’d have to go and find you.” James laughs.

“No, I didn’t get distracted.” Remus says, laughing too. “I was just saying goodbye to Lily.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. Come on! We’ll be leaving soon.” James tells him, taking Remus’ arm in his, surprisingly, firm grip, and leading him through the sea of people, to where Sirius and Peter stand waiting, laughing at something one of them said.

“There he is!” Sirius says, laughing.

“Yeah, sorry it took me so long.” Remus says, sheepishly.

“Don’t worry. Come on, I think we’re leaving.” James tells them, dragging them out of the Great Hall, where they’ll be taken by carriage to the train station.

The four of them take a carriage all to themselves, and the three others were all talking about their plans, while Sirius looks out the window, silently dreading having to see his parents… Sure, he misses his little brother, Regulus, even if he was annoying half the time, blindly following his parents because he was scared, but he still loved him.

He was also dreading the stupid annual party his parents threw, inviting all the other carbon copy Pureblood families, like his cousins, Narcissa, Bellatrix, and Andromeda, and probably the best friends of the Black’s, the Malfoys. Merlin, Sirius hated them and their narcissistic bully of a son, Lucius Malfoy. He was always bullying Regulus and himself, even when they were just small children, and Lucius was way older. He clearly remembers when he was seven and Regulus was six, and Lucius was fourteen, and he was going on and on about how Sirius would never get into Hogwarts because even at that age, Sirius had been branded a ‘disappointment’ and even a ‘blood trader’ ((after he had asked “what is so bad about muggles, they are harmless, right?”  
His father had slapped him right across the face, so hard it knocked one of his baby teeth out, and sent him to bed without dinner. ))  
Lucius had been bragging about all that he had learned, and how Dumbledore was a crazy old man, but not crazy enough to take him in. Sirius protested, saying that he was already doing magic, he had started showing earlier that year! But Lucius kept taunting him, until he got Sirius to agree to a duel, out in the back yard, a small crowed of his cousins and his brother gathered, Andromeda shaking her head disapproving of Lucius tricking seven-year-old Sirius, but Bellatrix looking like her everyday self- bloodthirsty- and Regulus looking terrified for his brother, and then Lucius pretended like he was getting ready, polishing his wand, before quickly turning, firing a spell that knocked him off his feet, and the air out of his lungs. Sirius’s parents were furious – but not at Malfoy, no, at him for being so stupid to find himself in this situation.

“Honestly, Sirius! When will you stop being such a disappointment?” his mother had asked, as she took Regulus away from him, and a smirking Lucius. “You’re always trying to ruin our reputation, you spoiled brat! Why must you take your brother along with you, are you trying to turn your brother, too? Upstairs. Now! March!” His mother said, dragging him to his feet, and roughly shoving him towards the stairs.

 

No, Sirius wasn’t looking forward to the next week and a half. They’ll possibly be the longest ones of his life, in fact. Lucius may have gotten away with under-aged magic, but he doubts his parents would put up with it from him. He was looking forward to spending time with his favorite cousin, Andromeda, though, because she was the only who actually liked him since his great-uncle, Alphard, was disowned, she became his reprieve on holidays because even Regulus had begun to resent Sirius in front of their family and their family’s friends.

She thought the same things, like how muggle born wizards aren’t beneath them just because they were ‘Purebloods’. Sirius found the whole thing sickening. Why would he want to be forced to marry someone, one of his own cousins, most likely? Shouldn’t you marry because you love someone? Not to preserve some stupid title! There were hardly any extreme Pureblood families anymore! Aside from the Weasleys, a family Sirius found intriguing, and they had a baby recently, much to his parent’s disgust, “Why keep a pureblood line going if you’re going to pollute it with disgraceful opinions? Arthur Weasley is actually fond of the muffle filth!”

“Sirius! Sirius we’re here!” James says, breaking Sirius from his trance, as Remus and Peter were already getting out of the horseless carriage, and into the pleasant April air, and taking their trunks to the train.

“Oh, sorry.” Sirius says, awkwardly.

“Are you okay, mate? You were awfully quiet on the ride here.” James says, concerned.

“What? Yeah. Of course I am.” Sirius says, harsher than he meant to.

“Whoa, calm down, I was just making sure.” James says, raising his hands like he meant no harm.

Sirius sags defeatedly against the bench in the carriage. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to snap…”

“Sirius…” James sits next to him, confident that they have time, as many students were still getting out of their own carriages. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just not looking forward to going home…” Sirius mutters, not looking up from his lap.

James knew that the Black family was most likely not the kindest family, his father talked about Orion Black, and his dubious ways of dealing with muggles and other things, James just never thought he would do the same with his own son! Who would ever intentionally hurt their child? James knew he was lucky, his parents were the kindest people in the world, so he just always thought that every parent was kind, that was until he heard his father talking about different cases of child abuse. He felt sick thinking that his best friend could possibly have to deal with that…

“It’s only two weeks… It-it’ll be okay, Sirius. We can send each other owls, yeah?” James says, trying to be positive. He just doesn’t know how to go about this…

“Yeah, sure. Come on, mate, they’ll leave without us!” Sirius jokes with a strained smile.

“Of course! Remus and Pete had better have saved us a compartment!” James jokes, following Sirius on just in time, as the train begins pulling out of the station not a minute later. They slip into the compartment at the end of the train where Remus and Peter are talking about the upcoming exams.

“I’m not joking, Remus, I am going to fail charms!” Peter moans miserably.

“No you won’t, you just need to have more confidence, Peter! Try and forget about everyone around you, or look at it like it’s one of our pranks, yeah? You always excel at those!” Remus tells him, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.

“Hey! There you two are! What took you so long?” Peter asks, completely forgetting his current woes.

“Oh, Sirius dropped his wand in the carriage, and it took us ages to realize it slipped out of the carriage and was under it.” James lies, and Sirius subtly smiles at him in thanks.

Sirius sits next to James on the opposite bench, taking the window seat. His stomach is upset, making him refuse any treats from the Trolley Lady, though he does pool his money with James, and they all buy treats for all of them to share. He doesn’t know why he feels this way, like his stomach is full of heavy lead, pulling him down, farther and farther from the light and happiness his friends radiate. He supposes it’ll be bad, but that’s just how parents react when their child disappoints them, right? And he didn’t just disappoint them, he disgraced them. Shames them. Embarrassed them. Dishonored them. The list could go on and on, and he for one, didn’t want to have to think about it right now.

So, he distracted himself by playing a game of Exploding Snaps with Peter while Remus and James discussed their most recent Transfiguration class.  
And it worked. Laughter and smiles washed away his fears of what will happen when he steps foot off the train.  
And then the train rolled to a stop.

Sirius’s heart leapt into his throat, and then plummeted to his stomach in the span four seconds. He wasn’t ready to see them… Why did he feel like this? This has never happened before… He wanted to scream, and punch one of the windows, and breakdown crying all at once.

But, he didn’t. He kept a perfectly composed face. Something he learned to do at the young age of six, and if he was honest, it was the only thing he was thankful to his parents for teaching him, even if it wasn’t the kindest way that they taught him -smacking him, shoving him over, and depriving him of dinner when he showed any emotion that was related to fear- he was thankful for it at that moment.

James looked at him concerned, and stood near him, as they walked off the train, and to the platform. Sirius felt like he was walking to his execution, and when he saw them, he momentarily froze. They looked the same way they did when he left, aside from Regulus who grew a few inches, the same stony, haughty, superior expression on their faces, like they couldn’t believe they were at the same station that was filled with half-bloods, muggle born, and the most disgusting, muggles themselves!

Sirius said a quick, half-hearted goodbye to his friends, and trudged through the packed train station towards his doom.

\-----------

Remus knew there was something wrong with Sirius, he seemed off, and he was unusually quiet, it was worrying, but Remus was unsure of how to breach the subject, especially with their other two friends, but Remus was sure that James had said something to Sirius, seeing as they were in the horseless carriage for almost five minutes after Pete and he had left. He’d just have to make sure to write to him.

He waved to James and Peter and they went off with their own parents, and felt an uneasy feeling settle in his gut as he watched the three of them go their own ways, as he navigated through the crowds to find his parents. They were a little way away from the crowd, standing to the side, and they waved at him, and he dragged his trunk over to them, and threw his arms around them.

“Oh, we’ve missed you! And we’re very sorry that Christmas was such a bust, so we’ve decided to double the Easter festivities!” His mum says, squeezing him tighter. That was one of his favorite things about her; she didn’t treat him like he was a porcelain doll that would break at the slightest touch. That was the way he spent most of his early childhood, his relatives hovering, but never touching, in fear that he’d either shatter, or bite their hand off. Try explaining to a six-year-old why your cousins weren’t allowed to come near him anymore.

“I’ve missed you two, too!” Remus says, squeezing them back.

“come on you two! Let’s get going, we still have the house to clean.” His dad says, taking one of their hands in his own, and dragging them to the car. Remus puts his trunk in the back of the car, and climbs into the back seat, and they’re off, driving from the busy city, past shops and apartments, and many, many cars until they get to the countryside, to the fields and forests, where their house is. They moved out of the city once he was bit. There was less of a risk of him biting anyone out here, where the closest house was six miles out.

“Alright! Quick lunch, and we’ll begin cleaning the house from top to bottom!” Hope says, a joyful smile on her face.

They had family coming over for Easter in two days, and they hadn’t cleaned the house since Christmas, it seemed, so they would most likely be cleaning for hours, and hours.

\-------  
Sirius kept quiet the entire way back, staring out the window of their borrowed Ministry car, all the while he can feel Regulus’s eyes on him, and can practically feel the tension in the air. His parents sit stony faced in the front seats, and he knows when they get home he’s in for it. They’ll fully let him know how much they hate him. Sure, he’s gotten a few Howlers, and a whole lot of angry letters-which he burned-, and he knows he’s not off the hook. More likely than not, he’ll listen to his father rant to him about how he’s being a terrible influence to his younger brother, and he’ll make him believe he can be a Gryffindor.

If only. Regulus will follow in their family’s footsteps, being the perfect little Slytherin, not questioning anything, trailing blindly after his parents.

When the car pulls up in front of the house, they all climb out, and Kreacher hobbles out, and magics Sirius’s trunk inside for them, though not without muttering a few not so things about Sirius under his breath. Sirius drags his feet, following his parents inside. He prepares himself, bracing for the cruel words he knows are coming when his mother takes Regulus by the hand, saying there are some things they need to do, and Sirius is left alone with his father.

His father grabs him by the arm, and drags him into his study, and practically flings him to the ground when they enter.

“What were you thinking, getting sorted into- into… Gryffindor? Do you hate us that much? Are you trying to see how far you can push us until we snap? Because, young man, if you think this is bad, just keep pushing!”

Sirius struggles to sit up, examining his wrist, which is extremely sore, and upon looking at it, seems to be sprained. Sirius winces, but stumbles to his feet. “I didn’t intentionally get sorted into Gryffindor, if that’s what you think! The sorting hat insisted that I be sorted into Gryffindor!” Even if it is a lie, the sorting hat wondered in his ear where it should put him, and he begged for a minute to be placed anywhere but Slytherin, and he rejoiced when the hat suggested Gryffindor, he never fully allowed himself to hope that he could be place in that house, the fabled house of bravery and chivalry, it seemed the perfect place for him, even if his parents acted like it was something disgusting, he knew that house was for him.

“That is a lie, Sirius. Do not lie to me! You broke our tradition! I do not think there has ever been anyone in the long line of Blacks who have ever been placed in that retched house! Why must you always embarrass us? Why can you not set a good example for your brother?!” Orion raged, slamming his hands down on the table.

Sirius flinches, and holds his injured hand closer to his chest.

“Why are you so determined to be like that uncle of yours?” Hissed Orion, glaring at his son, who tried his hardest not to cower in the corner. “Do you wish to disgrace your family? Lucius tells me you are hanging around with a Potter, and causing mischief. Is that true?”

Hearing his best friend’s name made Sirius stand up tall and proud. “Yes. He is a better friend than any of the stuck up gits your friend’s call children!”

“How dare you speak that way about your betters?” Orion roars, and quickly sends a stinging jinx Sirius’s way. When it strikes him, a burn mark springs up on his arm, and he cries out, staring down on his seared flesh, mouth agape in shock. His father rarely uses magic on him…

He slowly looks back up at his father, who doesn’t even have the decency to look guilty, just grim. “You brought that on yourself.” He says, voice hard. “Go upstairs. Change for dinner. We’re having dinner with the Malfoys.”

Sirius starts the slow trek up the stairs, ignoring Regulus when he tries to come in. He just flops on his bed, deciding he’ll get dressed at the last minute.

\-----

Remus was exhausted by the end of Easter dinner. His mum’s family came for Easter, bringing with them his cousins who are much younger than him, aside from two, Brittany, and Shawn, who are a year older than he is.

His mum shut the door behind the last of his relatives, and they all sigh in relief. No family on his mother’s side knows about his wolf, they all believe the lie about the dog pack, and everyone on his father’s side is afraid of him, aside from his grandparents.

“Well, that was fun, right?” Hope asks, sitting next to him on the couch, putting her arm around his shoulders.

Remus looks from his book and nods, smiling at her. “Yeah, though exhausting.” His parents had started allowing him near his younger cousins a few years ago, and he spent his day running after two and three-year-olds all afternoon.

His mom smiles, raking her fingers through his hair. “You did very well controlling your wolf today, sweetheart.”

Remus just smiles. He doesn’t really know what else to say to that, not that he really wants to say anything at all, really. He doesn’t want to remember what he is. The full moon is weeks away, and he is on Holiday, so he’s going to ignore what he is for the time being, and read his book. His mum seems to pick up on that, and turns to his father.

Remus can’t deny that this is a welcome break away from everyone for a while, no lies, no pretending, no secrets, it’s a nice weight off his small shoulders for a while. It really is a nice break. But that’s not to say that he doesn’t miss his friends, but he is sure they’re all doing well… Well, aside from Sirius… He hopes that his friend is doing okay…

\------

The days leading up to Easter are utter Hell for Sirius. They have a family friend over for dinner every night, and Sirius has to endure the sympathetic glances they make to his parents when his name is mentioned, like he isn’t in the room. And Lucius Malfoy is a prat, and he is invited to Easter dinner because Narcissa will be there, and everyone is hoping they will marry.

Sirius mostly hides in his room, sometimes Regulus is there, and they’ll talk into the early hours of the morning. Sirius missed him, and even though these talks are treasured, and Sirius loves his brother, he can tell they are changing, and soon, these talks won’t happen… Sirius doesn’t know what will happen. What he will do.

“Sirius! The guest will be here soon! Get dressed in the robes I picked out, and if there is so much as a hair out of place, you’ll be grounded until your Seventh Year!” His mother shouts up the stairs.

Sirius hates everything about her, but her shrill voice especially, she always seems to be screaming, even when she isn’t. He drags himself up from where he was writing back to James, Remus and Peter, and over to his wardrobe, and pulls out the silky green robes. Sirius grimaces. This is his parents’ way to get back at him for being placed in Gryffindor, practically rubbing it in his face that in this house, the scarlet robes in his trunk mean nothing.

He pulls them on, and stands in front of the mirror, and tries to decide what he’ll do with his hair. It’s getting longer, since he isn’t being forced to get a haircut every four weeks to uphold the perfect image of the House of Black. Sirius just combs it flat on his head, and decides it’s good enough, before going downstairs to greet everyone he despises.

Sirius hangs back as his parents and Regulus greet everyone, fawning over robes, or hearing stories about insolent house elves, or complaining about the Minister’s love of Muggles and their protection.  
Sirius just scowls. He knows his parents can’t stand half of these people, he’s heard his mother complain about his cousin’s family enough times, or his father trash Malfoy’s family to know that this is all fake, just keeping up appearances.

He feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to see the only other sane person in this rabble. Andromeda.

“Hey, Sirius. How are you doing? Are you holding up?” She asks, smiling. She is beautiful, with her sleek black hair, and round blue eyes, and pale skin, just like a Black is supposed to look. But even so, there is something different about her… She’s practically glowing…

“Alright, I guess. Yourself?” He asks, as they walk into the sitting room, hoping to get some quiet.

“I’ve been good… Amazing even! Can I tell you something? You must promise not to tell anyone until tonight.”

Sirius can’t help but smile, her smile has always been infectious! “Of course, ‘Dromeda! How many secrets have you kept for me? It’s about time I start repaying you.”

She giggles, actually giggles! “Okay, okay… Alright… Sirius, I’m… I’m engaged!” She whispers breathlessly.

Sirius sits shocked for a moment. Andromeda. Engaged. To who? “What? Oh, my god… Who? Who are you engaged to? Who else knows?” Sirius whispers back.

“I know! And do you know the Hufflepuff, Theodore Tonks? And so far? Only you, me and him.”

“The muggle born? ‘Dromeda, they’ll… Your parents will murder you!”

She crosses her arms stubbornly. “I don’t care what they think. I’m seventeen, an adult, and we’ve been together since Fourth Year, and we have an apartment already! Can’t you see, Sirius? I’m in love!”

“I see it, and I’m so, so happy for you, ‘Dromeda, but them? Merlin, they’ve been all over me, and I was only sorted into Gryffindor… Marrying a muggle born? That’s suicide…”

“I’m not leaving him, and they can’t stop me.” She says rebelliously.

“Of course… Congratulations, ‘Dromeda.” Sirius says, hugging her tightly. “You deserve so much happiness.”

“Thank you, Sirius… Your opinion is honestly the only one that counts here… Thank you.” She whispers, emotion clouding her voice.

Sirius may be twelve, but to him, the fact that she cares about what he thinks, means a lot. “I want to meet him when we go back to Hogwarts.” Sirius says, smiling widely.

“Of course, but no pranks, alright? Oh, don’t think I haven’t noticed, I am in Slytherin, after all.” She says, laughing. “They were honestly the best part of the year.”

Sirius laughs. “They were mostly designed by my friend, Remus, and he and our other two friends and I preformed them.”

“Remus? The really small one who’s always absent? He seems like a really nice boy, Sirius.” She says with a smile he doesn’t entirely understand. “Come on, let’s go back before they start to think we’ll be getting married.” She jokes, holding the door open for him.

Sirius laughs, and she follows him out into the den where everyone else is. They’re so caught up in themselves that they don’t even notice the two of them slipping in.

They sit and talk about school, and then have dinner. The entire day goes better than anyone expected, especially since Lucius and Bellatrix were in the same room, but the pleasant day goes out the window when desert finishes up, and everyone retires to the sitting room Sirius and Andromeda had hidden in earlier that day.

Everyone was sipping either coffee, tea, or lemonade, when Andromeda stands, and asks if she could have silence.

“I have something to announce.” She says, standing from where she was sitting next to Sirius, and he takes her glass of Lemonade. “I’m-I’m engaged.” She says, voice slightly shaky, and everyone goes silent, but then she stands up straight, and gains confidence from Sirius’ encouraging smile. She has a dazzling smile on her face.

“Really? Andromeda’s father, Sirius’s uncle asks, “To who? Why is this the first I have heard of this?”

Andromeda slips a simple silver chain from around her neck, and lifts it up. The neckline of her emerald green dress concealed a simple silver band with a beautiful red ruby in the center. There are several gasps, and three of them, from Sirius’ mother, Andromeda’s and Bellatrix, they’re all of horror out of the plainness of the ring.

“Andromeda.” Her father says, beginning to get worried, which pureblood would shame her family, The most Ancient House of Black, with such a disgraceful engagement ring?! “Who is your fiancé?” He asks, voice quiet and dead serious.

“His name is Theodore Tonks.” She says confidently.

“The moodblood from Hufflepuff?!” Bellatrix screeches. “How dare you?! How dare you disgrace us so?!”

“A moodblood?” almost everyone in the room roars, immediately the room is alive in hatred, yells of how she betrayed the family, how she put them all to shame.

“You will go back to this moodblood and you will throw this ring in his face, and you will deny him your hand in marriage!”

“No! I love him! I have loved him since I was fourteen!” She shouts back.

“You don’t know what love is, you stupid girl, you are a child!” Her mother shouts, slapping her across the face.

The room is immediately quiet. You can hear the breathing of everyone, the heavy pants of some, or the quiet, shocked breaths of the Malfoy family and Regulus, and the angry huffs of breath from the adults in the Black family.

Andromeda wipes the trail of blood from her lower lip, where it caught on her mother’s own breathtaking engagement ring, and defiantly slips the small, yet elegant ring on her own slim finger. “I am not a child.” She hisses. “And I will do as I please, the House of Black be damned.” She whips her wand out, turns, and with a deafening crack in the silent room, she is gone.

No one moves for a moment, then Andromeda’s father lets out a terrifying roar, and storms across the room, towards the large tapestry on the wall, where the Black’s Family Tree is, and raises his wand, muttering a spell that blasts her name and her off the tapestry, disowning her.

The adults leave a few minutes after that, leaving Lucius, Bellatrix, Narcissa, Regulus and Sirius alone.

Lucius smirks. “Well, congratulations, Sirius. You are now the second biggest blood traitor in the family.”

Sirius scowls at him, but doesn’t say anything. Andromeda is disowned… She was the only one in the family, who actually understood him after his uncle who also got disowned… Would that be his fate, too? Is he just a time bomb waiting to go off, and go too far one too many times, and get disowned, too?

What will he do at Christmas and other Holidays when they have insufferable prats over? She was his only lifeline to sanity in the family, and now she’s gone, too, just like his uncle.

Sirius stands, and heads to the door.

“Where are you going?” Regulus asks, looking scared, and smaller than he has in years.

“My room. You’re welcome to come if you’d like.” Sirius says, hoping his tone doesn’t betray how much he really needs his brother’s company.

“Oh, I don’t think you should, Reggy.” Bellatrix says, sickly sweet voice cooing at his younger brother. “I think you should stay with us, the actually good members of the Black Family, the ones who won’t disappoint.”

Regulus looks from Sirius back to their cousin. He looks unsure of what to do. Should he follow his brother, and set the example of not caring about the Black’s family name, or stay here with relatives and friends he doesn’t like all too much, but making his parents proud?

“Well, what will it be, Reggy?” Bellatrix croons.

Regulus stands between the couch with Bellatrix and her sister, and the door where his brother stands, and Sirius already knows which he’ll choose, can see it in his eyes. Regulus turns his back on Sirius, and walks to the couch.

“Traitor!” Sirius shouts, tears clouding his vision. This was the last step. The step that pushed their already tearing bond to the breaking point. Sirius needed Regulus, now more than ever, and he chose the Family pride over his own brother, and Sirius knows now, they’ll never be the same.

He turns, and rushes out of the room, past his parents and relatives and their friends, talking in hushed voices, past Kreacher dusting the paintings, and house elf heads, to his room, and slams the door, suddenly overcome with emotion, and lets out a hushed sob, immediately slapping a hand to his mouth, and trying to calm himself down, remembering how they used to be punished for crying, and he hasn’t moved past it, hasn’t ever really let himself cry since the age of six.

But now, can he really stop this? It feels like every little hurt in his life has manifested into a great big monster in his throat, pushing and pushing up, forcing sobs out of his shaking body.

Sirius throws his robes off, into a crumpled heap on the ground, and curls up in a ball in his bed, trying to calm himself.

He doesn’t know if he can go another week, and then three months. Merlin knows how often Malfoy will be over, or just his family, trying to make him fail just to punish him.

Later that night, after everyone has gone to bed, Sirius’ door pushes open, and he pretends to be asleep. He knows it isn’t Kreacher, he had already been in hours ago to collect the crumpled robes, and the light footsteps are familiar. Regulus.

“Sirius?” He whispers. “Sirius? I’m sorry.”

Sirius just keeps on pretending to be asleep, even though they both know he isn’t.

“Sirius, please.” He whispers, voice going tight, meaning tears were clouding his throat. “I’m sorry.”

Sirius feels cruel, but he’s also hurt…

“Sirius…” Nothing. “Fine. You’re just like Lucius says you are. A selfish blood traitor. Enjoy your new friends, I’m done. I’m done watching you embarrass mum and dad. You’re on your own.”

Sirius’ door slams shut, and it rings in the silent house, though Sirius knows his father is in a drunken stupor, and his mother has taken a sleeping drought, so it doesn’t matter.

Sirius rolls onto his back, and stares up at the ceiling. How can one family break so much in one night? He sighs, knowing he won’t be sleeping tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first off, hooray for Andromeda! And, do you know how hard it is to decide which songs would be perfect for this fic? I have a notebook full of songs that I think fit chapters, and its so hard to decide omg! XD I hope you guys enjoyed that, sorry for making it sad again, but it should get happy again real soon!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/bookmarked/reviewed/or gave kudos! It means so much!!
> 
> Please review, constructive criticism is so welcome!
> 
> Bye
> 
> ~Elliott


	13. Chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the Wizarding World! And the 1975 owns the chapter title and the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter!
> 
> Okay, I'm going to try and keep updates every Tuesday? Let's see how well this goes! XD Also, this is kind of a filler, and there should only be at the most, two more chapters for their first year, and I think i'll do Summer Holidays in the same section? yeah, I think so.
> 
> Enjoy!!!

_Hey now call it a split 'cause you know that you will_  
_Oh you bite your friends like chocolate_  
_You say, we'll go where nobody knows, with guns hidden under our petticoat_  
_No we're never gunna' quit it, no we're never gunna' quit it no_  
_Now we run run away from the boys in the blue, and my car smells like chocolate_  
_Hey now think about what to do, think about what to say, think about how to think_  
_Pause it play, pause it play, pause it_

Sirius was glad when his parents were in too much shame to have any more dinner parties the rest of Easter break, and they let him hide up in his room the remainder of Holidays, they only asked if he needed more Potion’s ingredients when his mum went to Diagon Alley.

He sat in his room packing the day before they went back, though you really couldn’t call it packing, more like throwing things into the trunk every once in a while, while reading his new letter from James. He had kept his promise of writing Sirius the whole time, and the stories he told Sirius about his Holiday were very amusing, and Sirius tried his hardest to not be jealous. More than anything, he was confused. In one of James’ letters, he said he had broken a tea cup flying around on his broom – inside of all places!- and all his mum told him was not to play with his broom inside! His own parents would have hexed him for even having the thought of riding a broom inside! Sirius was very confused… He thought all parents were like his, and that that was the way they handled a naughty child, like his father said, with pain to teach them a lesson, so they didn’t do it again…

In his new letter, James tells him about this muggle custom of leaving eggs in the yard for children to find, and telling them a giant bunny left them. A giant bunny…. That leaves eggs? What will muggles think up next?

Sirius laughs again at the idea, before throwing an extra pair of socks into his trunk. Remus has written to him, too, and so has Peter, though Peter has a huge extended family, and had very little time to himself to write to them, so he wrote a little less, but Sirius loved his letters, too, about all his baby cousins who have started showing magic recently, and they blew up a chair!  
Remus wrote that he was also in charge of his younger cousins, and yes, he also knew about the egg tradition, since his mum is a muggle. Sirius was very cross that Remus didn’t tell him about it before.

Sirius wrote to them about Andromeda, and how she was getting married. Also, how sad he was that she was disowned now… He left out the bit about Regulus, no one needed to know about his and his brother’s problems…

Sirius was so excited that he doubted he’d be able to sleep! Honestly, this is almost as exciting as the night before his first day, but now he knows what he is missing, and he cannot wait to get back.

“Sirius.” His mum says, barging in, “Here are your robes. Do not tear these, alright? Galleons don’t just pop out of the ground!”

Sirius was surprised, as she closes the door. This is the most civil she has been to him the entire Holiday.  
Sirius shakes his head, and starts packing again, half wondering if he should damage his new robes right as he gets to Hogwarts, half wondering is maybe she was thankful ha hadn’t gotten engaged to a muggleborn…

Hogwarts… He couldn’t wait to go back! Being cramped up here, if only just a little over a week, had made him begin to wonder if Easter break would ever actually end. He had taken many punishments, part of his mind knew that this was his parent’s way of venting their anger and shame about Andromeda, but he just wished they wouldn’t take it out on him so much, he still has bruises and the swelling on his wrist had only just begun to go down, but soon, soon they couldn’t touch him, at least for another month and a half… He didn’t want to think about summer break… Three whole months of dealing with his angry parents, and their unfair punishments…

He finishes packing, and flops back on his bed, with absolutely nothing to do. He finished the homework they were given for break days ago, and he spent the rest of his time reading ahead in his school books. He has to admit, reading it without the distractions of grades is really nice, and they’re pretty interesting, even History of Magic. Maybe now that he’s ahead, there will be more time for pranks! Though he doubts it, exams are quickly approaching, and they’re loaded with homework.

Sirius has ignored Regulus as much as he could, though it wasn’t that hard, Regulus is ignoring him, too, something that fills his chest and stomach with a deep hurt, and he wishes he could go back to that night, and apologize to Regulus, too, but it’s too late for that, and every day that goes by without him trying to make up for it, makes the rift grow, and the act of apologizing that much harder…

\-----  
James has had a wonderful Holiday! He got to spend time with his parents, and even though he misses his friends, it’s like the first time in his life he had brothers, and he was hesitant to spend the long summer break by himself, his parents said he could invite them to his house for a week or two!

Even though he was having a lot of fun, he didn’t neglect the job he made for himself, he visited the muggle library a few blocks from his house, and got any book about werewolves he could find, who knows, maybe they’d have something that wizards didn’t? It turned out they didn’t, and honestly, they were pretty stupid, some of the things made him laugh. But his parents became suspicious after he spent four days getting up early to go to the library, and they decided to sit him down, and ask him what he was doing, and he had to lie. He didn’t know if he could trust them with his suspicions just yet, what would they think if they knew that there might be a werewolf going to the same school as he did, and he was one of their son’s best friends? No, they still had heavy beliefs against magical creatures, werewolves especially.

James made sure to keep in touch with his friends, Sirius particularly, and he couldn’t wait to get going to Platform nine and three courters.

“Mum! Can we leave now?” He asks her for the third time in as many minutes. He couldn’t help it. He was itching to see his friends again! He had so many ideas for pranks, and this time, he thinks they should include the other three houses, too, especially for the end of term feast, he stayed up all night planning it, and couldn’t wait to share it!

“James, leaving now won’t make it closer to eleven, it’s only eight-thirty, we’d be waiting for nearly three hours.” She says, with an exasperated laugh, flipping the eggs on the oven.

James groans, going outside to feed the cats. They had about four stray cats that they fed, and all they ever really did was laze about and eat, James was surprised they could outrun the neighbor’s dog that kept getting out, because they were very fat, they kind of reminded him of Professor Slughorn. He laughs at the idea of his Potions professor as a cat.

\------  
Peter had hardly slept the entire night! He couldn’t wait to go back, and none of his cousins had believed him when he said that he was best friends with Sirius Black and James Potter, which had hurt, but he knew. And he had even told them about Remus, though they seemed uninterested. Their loss. Remus is one of the kindest people he has ever met, and he was very thankful that the three of them had befriended him. Him! Peter Pettigrew. He was practically a no one, even though Remus tried to get him to stop talking about himself like that, it never went away.

“Here we are!” His mum, a plump, mousey haired woman said, smiling, as she helped him load his trolley up with his trunk, and wheel it through the crowded train station.

“Have a good rest of your term, and don’t let those two boys rope you into anymore detention.” His dad joked, ruffling his hair.

“I’ll try.” He said, smiling, as he ran through the wall between platform nine and ten, and then he began looking for his friends.

 

\----  
Remus wakes up late the morning they’re set to be going back to Hogwarts, and has to rush to shower, and doesn’t even eat breakfast before they’re out the door. The night before they stayed up late, talking about how he felt going back, if he was anxious, or scared to be back among his classmates, if he was excited to be back, etc, and his parents decided to let him sleep in, and forgot to wake him up until nearly ten, and it would take them an hour to drive to the train station, so he was in a grumpy mood, not aimed at his parents, mostly because he didn’t get breakfast, which makes his mom laugh, the sound gentle, which soothed his bad mood a little.

“Don’t worry, Remus, you can get some sweets on the train.” She says, surprising him by pulling out spare change, something they rarely have, and handing it to him.

“Thank you.” He whispers. He knows better than to try and hand it back, she wouldn’t let him, so he just pocketed the money, and smiled at her, before turning his eyes back to the window, watching the countryside fly by, as his parents listened to Led Zeplin on the radio.

He really was looking forward to being back, he missed his friends, and Hogwarts, and learning things. He even finished History of Magic two nights before, so if he wanted to, he could doze in class. He wasn’t as worried about exams as he probably should be, mostly he was terrified of Potions. What would Dumbledore do if he failed Potions? He would study as hard as he could, he’d even do Potions in the dorm if he could get away with it.

He had come up with a few good pranks, and hoped the other three had, too.

Remus climbed out of the car, and his father helped him put his trunk on the trolley, before they started through the train station. “What time is it?” Remus asks anxiously.

“Ten forty-five. We still have time, sweetheart.” Hope reassures him, as they reach the barrier between the wizard word and the muggle world.

Remus takes a running start, and hurried through the wall, still closing his eyes tightly shut right before the supposed impact, and opening them once more when he gets through.

“We’ll see you in a few months, alright? Try and keep up with schoolwork, I’m sure you’ll so fine!” Hope says, hugging him after his father does.

“Try and stay out of trouble, son, alright?” says Lyell, ruffling Remus’s already unruly hair. He had gotten a few letters from McGonagall, not quite as many as James and Sirius’ parents had, but quite a few all the same.

Remus laughs sheepishly, “I’ll try.” He says, giving them one more hug. “Bye!” He waves, and heads towards the train, hoping to find his friends soon.

\-------

Sirius wants to run through the train station, but he knows better than to do so under the watchful eye of his mother. It’s only his mum and him, Regulus didn’t want to come and see him off, which hurt more than Sirius let on.

After going through the secret border, Sirius’ mother grabbed his shoulder roughly, fingernails digging into his shoulder, he winces, but doesn’t try to move away, because he knows that would make it worse.

“If I get even one letter from your head of house, so help me Sirius, you will be grounded the entirety of summer break.” She whispers harshly.

“Yes, mother.” He says, and she lets him go.

“Good. Do well on your exams, I will not have one of my sons failing their first year. Go on, get out of my sight.” She says, already turning and walking back through the border.

Sirius feels a lump grow in his throat, but he keeps reminding himself that this is normal, this is normal behavior for parents who just worry about their children’s schoolwork. He shakes his head, and gets on the train.

He looks through each window on the train, looking for sight of his mates. He gets to the very last window of the last compartment before he sees them, all three sitting and laughing, trading stories of their holidays, and he feels himself slowly relax. This is where he is supposed to be, among his best mates, laughing, and having a good time. He smiles to himself, opening the sliding door, and steeping in.

“Sirius! There you are! We were beginning to think you’d miss the train!” James says, hugging him tightly.

Sirius laughs, hugging him back. “No, just running a little late.”

“You and Remus both.” Peter says, hugging him after James.

Sirius looks confused, as he hugs Remus.

Remus just laughs. “I overslept and almost didn’t make it.”

Sirius laughs, sitting next to Remus, as James plays wizard’s chess with Peter.

“How are you doing, Remy?” Sirius asks, seeing his friend seems a little pale.

“Mm… Tired.” Remus mutters, slightly curling up on the bench, resting his head on the window. “How was your Holiday?”

“Eh, nothing new.” Sirius shrugs.

“I heard your cousin was disowned… You mentioned you were closest to her… Are you okay?” Remus asks, tilting his head towards Sirius.

Sirius just shrugs again. “It is what it is. She’s happy with Theodore Tonks, so I’m happy for her…” And she got away, he leaves out.

Remus smiles sadly at him. But doesn’t say anything.

\----

Remus was exhausted, the full moon was two weeks away, but it still made his muscles twinge, his bones shift uncomfortably, his skin crawl. He really just wanted to go back to sleep, but he also wanted to stay up and talk with his friends, he’d have all the time in the world to sleep once they get back to Hogwarts.

He watched them talk, and play Exploding Snaps, and Wizard’s Chess, until they arrived in Honeydukes train station, and they could head Hagrid’s booming voice calling for order, and single file, as they made their way to the horseless carriages.

When they arrive, and sit at the House Tables, they’re all famished, even after all the treats they had on the train, they still heap piles of food onto their plates, and dig in.

“I had some really good ideas for pranks, but I’ll tell you lot later tonight when there are less people around.” James whispers.

When they’re all stuffed on dinner and desert, they make their way to the Common Room, following their fellow Gryffindors. Remus is so ready to just drop down on the floor and sleep for days, feeling warm, sleepy, and content.

When they make it to their Dorms, deciding against staying in the Common Room for tonight. Remus falls on his bed, and has barely enough time to roll out of the way before Sirius jumps on his bed, too, then James, and finally Peter climbs in his bed. Remus laughs, “I don’t think this bed can hold all of us, give me a moment.” He says climbing out of bed, pulling his wand out, and pointing it to his bed, “Engorgio” Remus whispers, and blue sparks sprout from his wand, and hit the bed, which then, in turn, begins to grow from a twin size, to a queen size bed, giving enough room for all four small boys to sleep comfortably in.

“Remmy, have you been practicing?” Sirius asks, laughing.

Remus smiles a little, “Maybe, I thought we may need it for future pranks.”

“Well, well done.” James beams at him. “But won’t it stay like this forever?”

Remus’ smile widens, and he climbs into his bed. “Thank you. And no, I’m not too good yet, I’ll give us two, maybe three hours. Now, what were those prank ideas you were talking about?”

James sighs, stretching out, and resting his arms behind his head, he begins to tell them all about his prank ideas.

\---------------

A couple of weeks after they came back, after classes the four boys were sat under a big tree, all working on their homework, cramming for the upcoming exams, except James, who was reading one of the few books on werewolves Hogwarts’ library had, it was around the third or fourth time he’s read it, and he was getting frustrated. He wasn’t going to mention anything to anyone until he had proof. But that was taking longer than he expected, and it was harder than he expected, too. But he was dedicated! This was Remus, one of his best friends, and he wouldn’t let him suffer alone if his suspicions turned out right. But at this rate, James thought it would be easier to just confront the smaller boy.

He looked up from his book, sneaking a glance at Remus, his brow furrowed in concentration, as Sirius whispered hints at him, though Remus didn’t want them Sirius was adamant in helping his friend pass with good grades in Potions. James noticed the new scars on Remus’ face, a thin one that stretched from his jaw, down to his collar bone, and it was pink and tender looking, which meant it was new, and James knew it wasn’t there before Remus’ “trip to see his mum” and James really didn’t believe that Remus’ parents were hurting him, either that, or he was a brilliant actor. Sirius, on the other hand wasn’t so sure about. James saw some scary things when he accidentally saw Sirius shirtless the other day, he had several scars on his body, both looking like they were given by magic, or something else that James didn’t want to think about. Point being: James was worried about his friends, and he was tempted to get Peter in on the investigation. But he knew better after Remus didn’t talk to them for a week. He’ll just have to wait…

\----------

Exams were quickly approaching, and Remus didn’t know what to do. His transformation in April took so much out of him that he didn’t get to leave the Hospital Wing for three days. Three days! And he had two more days to make up for the missed work, and not to mention the quizzes and tests they were given in preparation! Of course, he was given the option of taking a little more time, and taking the exams a week after everyone else, but Remus Lupin didn’t do pity. He just didn’t. So, that meant he was spending every waking minute obsessing over schoolwork, and exams, which were quickly approaching! They’d all take them in three weeks, and Remus wasn’t ready, and the exams fell on the day before the full moon, and the day after! What if Madame Pomfrey didn’t allow him to leave the Hospital Wing? What if he failed?

“Remus? You doing okay? You look a little pale...” Peter asks, waving his hand in front of Remus’ face, looking concerned.

“What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine, really.” He said, giving Peter a weak smile.

Peter looked like he wanted to ask again, but he dropped it, turning back to his notes, as Professor Binns drones on and on about trolls.

Remus looked down at his notes, and realized that he wasn’t paying attention, and that his notes made absolutely no sense, and then he thought maybe he’s study with Lily, but then he remembered that he had accidentally neglected Lily, and he was scared to talk to her again. He looked at her from two seats from him, and she felt his eyes on her, and turned to look at him, tilting her head to the side and mouthing “You okay?” and he just nodded.

Maybe he should see her after Potions, their last class of the day. And not just for schoolwork, that could wait, he supposes, he’s just missed her. They’ve both been busy, he supposes, and even with all her schoolwork, she still managed to see him on last month’s full moon, and she stayed with him, even when he was grumpy, and said he didn’t want to see anyone, she knew he still did, and just sat reading, and pretended she didn’t hear the sound of him crying quietly, something he was very thankful for.

He quickly wrote her a note, ‘Do you want to study after class?-Remus’, and asked if Marlene would pass it to Lily for him, Marlene nodded with a smile, and passed Lily the slip of parchment, and Lily read it quickly, before scribbling down her reply.

Marlene passed it back to Remus, and he opened it, and read her small, clear print ‘Of course, I’ll meet you at the library.-Lily’.

\----------

“Today we’re going to do solo potions.” Professor Slughorn says, walking in front of his desk. “If I catch any of you whispering for help, there will be detention. I’m sorry, but your friends won’t be here to help you in exams.”

Sirius curses under his breath as he sees Professor Slughorn look pointedly at him and his three friends. To be honest, even if he hadn’t looked at them, everyone would have still known it was directed at them. Remus really couldn’t get the hang of Potions, even though Sirius tried his hardest, he just didn’t seem to understand, but even after Sirius tries to reassure him that you can’t be good at everything, he just didn’t seem to accept it. Sirius thinks there’s something more to it, but he just didn’t know what…

There was something weird about Remus, he knew that, James knew that, and so did Peter… But he wouldn’t pry, not after last time. No, they’d just wait, see if Remus wanted to tell them… But Sirius was becoming suspicious… He thinks James and Peter are, too. There’s no simple, easy way that Remus is always absent on the full moon to visit his sick mum, unless she’s a werewolf, but Sirius saw her when they left for Easter Holidays, and she had no scars on her face, and then he got thinking, Remus is always gone on the full moon, and back the day after, looking ill, exhausted, hurt, and more times than not, bearing new scars on his already beaten and battered body.

Sirius isn’t stupid, he has already made the connections, but he also knows that there’s no delicate way to breach the subject, but he thinks maybe if he gets more proof, he’ll tell James and Peter his suspicions… But would they believe him? And would they accept Remus? Sirius remembers the day in class all those months ago when they learned about werewolves. He remembers James’ words on them, and Sirius doesn’t blame him, until he realized what Remus was, he believed that all werewolves were brutal, ugly creatures, too… But Remus isn’t, so maybe other werewolves aren’t, either…

Sirius could make this Potion in his sleep, they’d already made it twice this year, so he mostly focused on Remus, and Peter, who had a little trouble making it, though he was helpless to do anything for either of them…

Someone clears their throat, and Sirius’ head shoots up, and turns to face Professor Slughorn, “Mr. Black, pay attention.” Sirius nods, and turns back to his Potion…

\--------

Remus washes his scorched cauldron out by the sinks after class. He had actually made a little progress, Professor Slugorn congratulated him on not exploding, burning, or lighting it on fire this time, that doesn’t mean it was as good as Lily’s, Sirius’ James’ or Snape’s… But he made progress…

After placing his Potion things back in their dorm, Remus hurries to the library, hoping he didn’t leave Lily there too long.

When he finds her, she smiles, and motions to the seat in front of him. “I’m glad we’re doing this it’s been a while.” She says.

“Me, too. I’m sorry it’s been so long…” He says sheepishly.

“Nonsense! You’ve been busy with schoolwork, and pranks. Yes, pranks. Don’t think I am fooled like everyone else, I know you and your three friends made the scones on the Slytherin’s table pelt them in the faces.” She says, but she’s still smiling, so he takes that as a good sign.

“Yeah… That might have been us…” He says, smiling, too.

“Now, let’s get to work! These exams won’t wait forever!” Lily says, reaching over and squeezing his hand, then handing him a chocolate frog under the table with a wink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that!!! 
> 
> Omg!! Thank you guys so much?? I have 112 kudos on this story!!! Thank you to everyone who's read/followed/bookmarked/subscribed/left Kudos!! I'm serious, it means so much!!!
> 
> Please review! Constructive criticism/reviews make me wanna write more/update faster!! <3
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> ~Elliott


	14. Don't Forget Where You Belong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I OWN NOTHING!!! J.K Rowling owns the characters and the Wizarding World, and One Direction owns the song in the chapter title, and the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter! 
> 
> Ok, first off, wow, I'm so, so sorry it's been so long, I haven't been doing too well recently, with mental health and what not, but I think i'm doing better now! 
> 
> Secondly!! Ayeee! I finished the first half of the story!!! ahhh!!! Exciting!! I'm not sure when the Second half will be out, that'll need a little more planning, but I hope some time next week. ((also, the series name is a work in progress, lol))
> 
> Lastly, I don't exactly know when the Charms used in the chapter are actually taught, I just kind of gauged what I thought would be best and used it xD if anyone actually knows, please tell me, and i'll fix it!! 
> 
> Enjoy!!!

_Living out of cases,_  
_Packing up and taking off_  
_Made a lot of changes_  
_But not forgetting who I was_  
_On the horizon_  
_Oh, well, I know, I know, I know,_  
_I know the moon will be rising_  
_Back home_  
_Don't forget where you belong, home_  
_Don't forget where you belong, home_  
_If you ever feel alone, don't_  
_You were never on your own_  
_And the proof is in this song_

 

The days flew by rapidly, almost every student had their head in a book, or were staying up the entire night cramming for their exams, which were only a week away! Remus spent every waking moment studying, though, mostly it was Potions he was worried about. He studied the wrist work for stirring, the way to add the correct ingredients, and how much; everything.

“See, Remus? You’re doing much, much better!” Sirius says, patting Remus on the back.

Remus tries not to wince, as the movement jostles his already aching joints, and burning skin. “Thanks, mate.” He smiles at him weakly.

They all file out of Potions after cleaning their cauldrons, and headed to their next class.

“I just don’t see how you can be so calm, Remus!” James says exasperatedly.

“Well, I could help you study.” Remus offered, helping would aid to calm his nerves; he may seem calm externally, but internally, he was constantly anxious, and slightly freaking out.

“No!” James says, a little too fast. He was rotating between schoolwork and researching Werewolves. He found out that if he wore his invisibility cloak, he could sneak into the restricted section, though he only ever did it at night. So far, he has found a few things, but he hardly ever stayed long, too scared Filch would find him, or, worse, his horrible new kitten, Mrs. Norris. “I mean, no, you’ve got your own studies.” He says, with a nervous chuckle.

Remus looks at him funny, but just shrugs, and keeps walking.

Remus had been looking for a few spells that would help them with their end of term prank. They were planning on Charming the tables and chairs to hover a few feet off the ground. James had the brilliant idea, after his father hovered the tables on Easter. Their hover charms weren’t too strong, so Remus was researching ways to improve their spells.

He wanders through the stacks in the library, hoping to find the correct books, when he bumps into someone, knocking both off their feet.

“I’m so sorry!” He squeaks, then looks up, and meets eyes with Severus Snape. He immediately blushes deeper. He isn’t exactly afraid of him, as much as he is just wary… And, okay, yes, a little scared. Snape was onto him. He had the power to spread the rumors, and it wasn’t likely that the older students wouldn’t catch on, if too much attention was drawn to him and his… affliction…

“Watch where you’re going! Oh, it’s you.” He says, looking at Remus, his withering glare making Remus shrink in on himself. “You better watch yourself, Lupin. I know your secret.” He says, a smirk on his sallow face. “One wrong move by you or your friends, and I might just have to tell someone.”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Remus stutters, but holds his head defiantly.

“Oh, are you so sure? I’m talking about your condition. What happens to you every month.” Snape says, each word slowly like he is talking to a stupid child, upper lip curling in a mean smile. “You see, Lily may deny it, but you and I both know I’m right. So, watch yourself, and keep a close leash on your friends.” He says, serious expression strange on someone so young.

Remus just rushes past him, deeper into the stacks of books, seeking comfort from the old books.

\--------

“Do you think…” Sirius starts, but stops himself.

“Did you say something, mate?” Peter asks, from where he sits on his bed, studying Remus’s Charm notes.

“N-nothing…” Sirius was going to ask them what they thought about Remus being a werewolf, but he supposes he should wait.

“Alright…” James says, but looks suspicious.

Before anyone can say anything else, Remus comes barreling into the room, smile wide on his scarred face.

“I’ve found something that might help our concentration.” pulling a huge book out of his bag, and dropping in on Sirius’ bed, where both James, and Sirius were, and Peter, climbs off his bed, and into Sirius’ bed.

“It’s not exactly easier, but it’s a different spell, and it seems to be stronger.” Remus says, pointing to a spell in the dusty old book. And then, turns and points his wand at James’ bed, and says, “Leviosa!” and the bed begins floating midair. “It’s different than Wingardium Leviosa, because that charm makes the object fly, this one just makes it float.” Remus tells them, smile still present, and if possible, has grown. Sirius admits to himself that it makes Remus looks softer somehow…

“That’s brilliant! How long does it last?” James asks, coming up behind Remus.

“I’m not sure… I just hope that whenever the tables land the food doesn’t go everywhere…”

“We could use a sticking charm. That’s what my dad used on the food when he levitated the tables.” James says.

“I’ll have to look for it, but yeah, that should work.” Remus says, turning to smile at James.

\-----

Exams were… Hard, to say the least. Sirius knew the answers, but the pressure to do right, to succeed or his family… It made everything just a little bit harder to concentrate, to remember the right answers.

He hoped, though it was a fool’s hope, that maybe if he succeeded, if he did well on his exams, maybe his parents would be proud of him. Maybe they wouldn’t be so distant. Maybe, just maybe, they’d love him like they loved Regulus…

On the first day, they had Charms, Transfiguration, and DADA, tomorrow they had Potions, Astronomy, Herbology, and History of Magic.

He didn’t think he’d be able to make the pineapple dance across the table in Charms, but he did, and Professor Flitwick said that it was one of the better demonstrations he’s had all day, and Sirius felt elated.

He was worried for Remus, he seemed more exhausted than usual, the bags under his eyes an ugly dark, bruised purple color, and Sirius noticed the time of the month, the full moon was that night, and Remus told them he had to visit his mum, and Sirius knew that that was all the confirmation he needed. He had been keeping track of the full moon for the past three months, and every month, to the day, Remus would “visit his mum” on the night of the full moon.

“Remus… Are you sure you should go tonight? No offense to your mum, but you have exams tomorrow, wouldn’t she want you to stay and study?” James asks, sitting up from where he’s sitting on his own bed, studying temporary sticking charms.

“I don’t want her to be alone… My dad is caught up at the Ministry, and no one is there with her.” Remus says, holding his right wrist like he was trying to hide something.

Sirius just frowns. “Just… Be safe, yeah?” He knows that seems an odd thing to say, but he just doesn’t want anything to happen to Remus…

Remus gives him an odd look, like he might cry, but nods, nonetheless. “I’ll see you lot tomorrow. Study, yeah? I’m sure you did fine, Peter.” Remus says, ruffling the round boy’s hair.

Sirius watches him go, a strange feeling in his chest.

He wants to… Protect him. Keep him safe… But he can’t.

\--------

Remus’ day was hell. He’s sure he did well on his exams, but his head was killing him, and he looked like hell, and his body was aching so badly, and he was really, really not looking forward to the transformation. Or Potions tomorrow… Especially Potions tomorrow.

Remus waves goodbye to his friends, and struggles down the stairs, and out of the portrait hole. His bones ache, and his skin is crawling, and burning.

He winces as he pushes in the heavy door leading to the hospital wing, where Madame Pomfrey sits at her desk.

Remus waits quietly for it to be time for him to go to the Womping Willow, slowly becoming more and more in pain. He feels like he should be used to this by now, he’s done this close to a hundred times in his life, but it still takes him by surprise that his small body can withstand all this pain… He wishes, not for the first time, or the hundredth time, that he was normal…

“I can take it from here…” He says, as they stand next to the door that leads to the bedroom under the Willow.

“Are you sure?” Madame Pomfrey asks.

“Yes… Just… Lock the door tight, yeah?” He feels like this time, since it’s getting warmer, it will be an even stronger transformation. His wolf wants to get out, and romp around the ground, run through the warm night air. And hunt.

“Of course…” She says, face sad.

“Thanks.” He gives her a tight smile, and climbs the stairs.

\-----

Lily groans, frowning at the book, and giving up on studying tonight. She looks out the window at the rising moon, and gasps, stomach filling with dread. With everything that’s happened recently, exams, Mary and Marlene arguing over who’ll do better, and it was actually getting physical at one point, Lily has completely forgotten about Remus, and that the full moon was tonight! He must be exhausted, he must be worried, and now he has got to deal with the transformation, and another round of exams in the morning!

Lily feels horrible, and runs downstairs, looking for Sirius, James, or Peter, someone to tell her if Remus has left yet.

She finds James and Peter down in the Common Room, playing Exploding Snaps.

“Have either of you seen Remus?” She asks, almost out of breath.

James looks up, and shakes his head.

“I think he just left to see his mum, though I think he should have stayed this once to study.” Peter says.

Lily is close to tears. “O-okay. Thank you.” She says, turning to leave.

“Evans? Is everything okay?” Peter asks.

“Yeah. Yeah, just tired. I have to go.” She says, going back up to the girl’s dorms.

She’ll go and visit him extra early tomorrow when he gets back, she decides, throwing herself on to her bed, face first into the pillow to hide her crying from her roommates, though, they remain unknowing, still arguing in the corner.

\-------

Remus blink, shaking his hair out of his eyes, and regrets it almost immediately when it makes his already pulsing headache worse.

He pulls on a robe, before sitting up, and waiting for Madame Pomfrey to come in, trying to quell the churning in his stomach.

“How do you feel this morning?” She asks, coming in, and kneeling in front of him.

He clears his throat, “A little better this time.” He rasps, though it is mostly a lie; he feels like his entire body is filled with glass shards, and his throat is on fire.

“That’s good! And look, most of the cuts are shallow ones.” She says, though Remus feels her eyes sweep across a really painful one that slices across his chest, and the fact that his right hand, his writing one, didn’t seem to relocate after his transformation, and is swollen, and disfigured looking. She makes a tutting noise, and fixes it with a wave of her wand, though it’s very painful, and Remus chokes on a sob. “There, there… The pain should lessen in a day or two… I’m sorry, exams are going to be painful…”

Especially Potions… Remus thinks with a sneer of pain, as she helps him to his feet. She wraps an arm around his shoulders, and helps him out of the tree, and back into the castle.

She sits him on the bed, and comes back with her set of healing Potions. Though they were powerful, Remus knows that the cuts will scar, and he’ll be left with the ugly evidence of what he is, he doesn’t have the money for dittany or powdered silver, they were very expensive…

“Ms. Evans is waiting for us.” She tells him, quietly, helping him into the back room.

Remus nods, and opens the door, and sees Lily sitting with a large, old, dusty book in her lap. She looks up, and makes a pained noise in the back of her throat. “I-I’ll just wait outside, until you finish.” She says, quietly, and exits the room, and Remus is grateful for the privacy.

Madame Pomfrey first wraps his hand in thick gauze, and begins dabbing strong smelling Potion in all his wounds, which stings, but feels like a pinch compared to his aching ribs and wrist.

When she finishes, she brushes his hair out of his eyes, and smiles sadly. “Do you think you can go to your exams today?” Asks Madame Pomfrey.

“Yeah, I have to.” He nods.

“Alright… But, at any moment your hand is giving you too much pain, you can come back here and fain sickness, alright? There’s no sense in putting yourself through so much pain.”

“Of course,” Says Remus, though they both know he won’t.

“I’ll send Ms. Evans back in. Try and get some rest, okay Remus? You’ve had a rough night.”

Remus smiles his thanks, and eases his aching body under the covers. Lily pokes her head in the room, before slowly entering, and sitting next to him on the bed. Remus scoots over, and she crawls on, kicking her shoes off, and climbing under the covers, and lying, facing Remus.

They’re quiet for a few moments, before Lily asks, “Did it hurt a lot this time?”

Remus struggles to push his body up, and nods. “But nod as much as usual.” He gives her a reassuring smile.

“I wish you’d take the day off… I’m sure Professor Dumbledore would let you take the rest of your exams tomorrow.”

“No. I’d feel much better just to have them all out of the way, and rest tomorrow.” Remus says, snuggling down into the soft bed and blankets. “What time is it?”

“Five thirty. You can sleep for three more hours before breakfast if you’d like.” Lily tells him, snuggling down too.

Remus nods, and closes his eyes, falling asleep immediately.

\------

Sirius was a little worried. Remus was usually back before they were all up, he usually took the first shower, which always annoyed James, because no matter how early James got up, Remus always beat him to the shower.

Sirius pushes his tangles hair out of his eyes, and makes his way to the bathroom, right as James exits. “Hey, Sirius, have you seen Remus this morning?” Asks James, as he motions to Remus’ bed, which looks like it hasn’t been slept in all night, homework still strewn across the neatly made bed.

“No… I was hoping you’d have seen him.” Sirius says, worrying his lip.

“Hm… Maybe he just went directly to the Great Hall after getting back from St. Mungo’s...” James muses, going over to his bed to retrieve his school bag, then remembers that they only have exams left, and chuckling to himself. “I can’t wait for Summer Holidays.” James say, shaking his head.

“Me too, mate.” Says Sirius, going to take his own shower.

\-----

Remus groans softly, sitting up, and blinking the sun out of his eyes, momentarily forgetting where he is, before recognizing the hospital wing room, and the tell-tale signs of the full moon the night before, and groaning a little louder. Lily slowly blinks awake, too, and looks blearily around the room, her usual smoothly brushed red hair mussed and a little tangled. She drags a small hand through it, and winces, tugging it too hard.

Remus looks over to the clock on the wall, and sees that they have a little less than an hour to eat breakfast and get ready before exams begin.

“You know, Professor Dumbledore really wouldn’t mind…” Lily begins, but Remus just shakes his head, and slowly pushes himself up, and out of the bed, and goes to the other side of the room to retrieve his clothes, and goes to take a quick shower, hoping the water won’t be too harsh on his sensitive, aching skin.

When he’s finished, and dressed, he and Lily make their way down to breakfast, and Remus realized that he didn’t go back to the dormitory. He hopes that his friends didn’t notice… Even if they did, he could blame it on getting back later than he thought he would…

“You’ll do fine in Potions, I’m sure.” Lily tells him, mistaking his silence for worry on his exams, but really, he was just bone tired.

“I know… I’m sure you’ll get top grades… Or Severus…” says Remus, opening the doors to the Great Hall, before following Lily inside.

“No, you’ll do fine.” She says, firmly, placing a gentle, cautious hand on Remus’ arm. He just gives her a weary smile.

“There he is! Remus, you didn’t come back this morning, we weren’t sure you’d be here for the rest of exams.” James says, brow furrowed.

“Oh, yeah, I got back this morning, I just forgot to go upstairs…” Remus says awkwardly, already knowing that the other three can see through his lies. He looks down at his plate, shame coloring his cheeks and the back of his neck. He doesn’t like lying to his friends, he really, really doesn’t like it. Lily grabs his hand from under the table, and squeezes tightly. He squeezes back, but doesn’t look up.

“I’m so happy that exams will be over. I’ve never studied this much in my life! My brain is exhausted.” James says, trying to change the subject.

“Well, rest assured, Mr. Potter, you have all summer to forget again.” Professor McGonagall teases as she walks by.

They all laugh, James the hardest, and soon they’re all heading to their final exams.

Remus feels a sweat break out on his forehead, and knows he’s got a fever, and that the Herbology, and Potions exam will be utter Hell.

“You okay, Remy?” Sirius whispers, as they walk behind the other Gryffindors, heading outside to the Green house for their exam.

“Yeah, just a little tired.” He reassures, giving Sirius a weary smile.

Sirius nods, but Remus knows he knows something else is wrong… It’s only a matter of time until someone else finds out… He’s not sure if he’d be relieved, or crushed if it’s his friends.

 

\------------------

 

By the time the last exam, Potions, was over, all four boys were extremely exhausted, and covered in bruises and scrapes from Herbology, where they had to try and calm the Devil’s Snare, and being that the four of them were constantly getting into scrapes, it didn’t go as smoothly as some of the other students did.

“I hope there’s something good for dinner.” James says, slumping in his seat across from Remus and Peter. “I am starving.”

“Me too, mate.” Sirius says, slapping him on the back, just to watch him wince, where a scratch sat under his shirt. Sirius laughs, but soon gets an elbow in his side, knocking all the air out of him in a big whoosh.

“You little rat.” James says, laughing, and messing Sirius’ hair up, prompting Sirius to shove him, and James lands, face first into the mashed potatoes.

Remus snickers, and watches the other students gather for the end of term feast, the room slowly filling up, and then he kicks James and Sirius under the table, getting their attention. “It’s time.” He hisses, and they nod.

Remus turns to Michael, and asks “If one of the Professor’s asks, could you cover for us? Tell them that we’re a little late?”

Michael grins, already knowing why Remus asked this. “Of course, good luck, you lot!” His other friends grin widely, and nod, too.

James smiles, and slowly walks over to a corner, and pulls his invisibility cloak out, and slowly, the other three make their way over there, too, one by one, so they don’t cause too much suspicion.

“So, just like we planned, I’ll take Ravenclaw, Sirius, you have Slytherin, Peter, Hufflepuff, and Remus you have Gryffindor. Do you lot remember the incantation for both Charms?” They nod. “Good. And good luck!” He says, grinning.

Remus stays at his corner of the Great Hall, hidden behind a marble post, and in the shadows. He watches the other three go to their designated posts.

They have been practicing this for the past three weeks, they’d sneak down here, under James’ cloak, and they’d all practice first with the sticking charm, with a jug of Pumpkin juice on the table, and slowly, they’d levitate the table, too. It took a many, many tries, seeing as they were both fifth year charms, but they managed in the end, and Remus was itching to try them!

He watches until they all get into place, they practiced, until they could do it without a hitch, and when they look back, and all nod, they begin the incantations. First, the students notice that they can’t pick their food up anymore, that it’s stuck to the table, and then slowly, very slowly, the table and benches begin to float off the ground! Lifting the students one foot, two, four, six feet off the ground!

They all gasp, and begin to shout, some in fear, and others, mostly in Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, they begin to laugh, and shout happily, while Slytherin looks shocked, and a little scared, and the Ravenclaws are very interested.

When it is clear the tables aren’t going to lower, after five minutes, and the excitement has worn off, the teachers begin to investigate. They begin to circle the room, and James rushes under his invisibility cloak over to Sirius and Peter, then Remus rushes as fast as his battered body lets him, over to them, and they all hide, stifling giggles, as the students begin to panic. When will they get down? How will they get down? Obviously, once they stop concentrating, the tables will begin to lower, but for now, they all just watch as they panic, and the teacher run around the hall. Flitwick could honestly fix the tables in an instant, but he’s busy admiring the handy work with Dumbledore, who has a delighted twinkle in his eye.

Clearly, the teachers know who planned, and executed the prank, and they begin to look for the four missing Gryffindors.

“We should let them down now, huh?” James mutters, And the other three nod, and they slowly let their classmates down. There is an uproar of sound, some squeaks, yelps and shouts of panic, but also laughter, and cheering and clapping.

They slowly get out from under the cloak, but they still remain in the shadows, laughing quietly.

“Gotcha!” Professor Slughorn says, grabbing Sirius and James by the shoulders, and dragging them over to the middle of the Hall. “You two, too.” And Remus and Peter follow them. “I found the pranksters, Headmaster.”

“We prefer masterminds, but we’ll take what we can get.” James says, provoking laughter all throughout the room.

McGonagall glares at him, but Remus can see it isn’t a real glare, and that she’s struggling not to smile.

“What punishment should we use?” Asks, Filch, a disturbing glint of glee in his eye at the thought of punishing students. “You know I have some methods of my own that I think would suit these four, they have caused much pain on my end this entire schoolyear.”

“I don’t think we can do much on the punishing end, Mr. Filch,” Dumbledore starts, “It is the end of the school year, after all. And besides, they showed much skill in those charms, am I correct, Professor Flitwick?”

“Oh yes!” Squeaks the small professor, “Much skill, undeed, especially for students of their age!”

“And it was all in good fun, no harm done,” Professor Fletcher adds, a small smile playing at his mouth.

“Yes, yes. Now, perhaps we should all go back to the feast, and then we shall award the house cup.” Dumbledore says, smiling at the four of them.

They smile back, and rush back their table, getting applause from all the tables, even a few Slytherin students -namely Andromeda and her friends- and getting thumps on the back from the students at the Gryffindor table. Remus tries not to wince, and to keep smiling and laughing, so to keep up the act.

After dinner, Dumbledore calls for quiet, raising his hands, and begins his end of year speech. “Congratulations to each student for completing another year of school, and a tearful farewell to those who are leaving. I hope you all learned much, and remember more.

“I’d also like to say a special farewell to our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Fletcher, who won’t be making a return next semester, and will be going overseas to supervise new preservation for Dragons in Romania.” The students give him a round of applause. “Now, I am sure you are all eager to know which house has won the house cup. I won’t keep anyone in suspense any longer.” Everyone leans forward. “In last place, with two hundred and thirty five house points is Hufflepuff,” there is scattered applause, and a few groans from the table, “In third place, with two hundred and forty six points is Slytherin.” Half-hearted applause from the other tables, and again, more groans. “In second place, with four hundred and twenty points is Gryffindor. “ They applaud, but many Gryffindors boo, angry that they lost, even though they won the quidditch cup. “And in first place, with four hundred and sixty three points is Ravenclaw! Congratulations!” And with a wave of his wand, the usual Hogwarts banners change into the blue and silver colors of Ravenclaw, along with their bird, and a deafening cry from the house, as they all celebrate.

“Even if we didn’t win, which I think is a crime, after the year our Quidditch team had,” Michael Wood says, “the prank you four pulled was truly magnificent!” He says, patting Remus on the back, gently this time, having seen the way the small boy winced.

Remus smiles, and thanks him, and watches as James and Sirius get into a debate on whether they turkey, or roast beef is better.

Remus laughs, his heart feeling light, and warm for the first time in several weeks; he’s finished his exams -whether they were good or not is another thing- he’s going home soon, and he’s with his friends, he’d say this is a perfect way to end his first year at Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh!! again, thank you so much for all the support you guys have given me!!! and i'll try and have the next part out within the week!!
> 
> Also, if anyone has any songs they think would fit the Marauders perfectly, you could leave them in the comments, or message me on tumblr (( smol--prince.tumblr.com/ my inbox is also open if anyone has any questions, too)) and I'd love to use them! It's really hard coming up with them xD
> 
> I can't express how much I enjoyed writing this for everyone!! Thank you for staying and reading the first half <3
> 
> ~Elliott


End file.
